There I'll Be
by Sarahkw
Summary: Based on New Moon & told from Bella, Edward, and Alice's point of view. Edward is gone and not fairing well, the Cullen family is miserable, and Bella is heartbroken and being hunted. What happens when Edward's plan to protect Bella at all costs backfires
1. Australia

**Alice's POV**

I stared through the window at the bleak landscape, acutely aware that things were not right in the Cullen family, family being the operative word, all things considered. The first flurries of the impending snowstorm floated past the window. I sighed. Snow in a small town a few hours north of Toronto wasn't the same as snow in Forks. It did nothing to lift my spirits.

I chanced a glance around the spacious living room. Carlisle and Esme were reading, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Rosalie sat in a nearby armchair, her legs casually tucked under her as she read the latest issue of Cosmo, all the while running her fingers through her thick blonde hair. Emmet sat in the chair across the room from her, focused intently on whatever handheld game held his fancy this week.

My eyes fell on Jasper. He was sitting at a small table in the corner of the room, carefully piecing together a model aircraft, circa World War II. My heart broke for him all over again. He had been detached, his thoughts turned inward. He was starting to run out of room for all the model airplanes and battleships he had pieced together over the last six months. If I was truthful with myself, I was running out of patience with having them as décor.

I turned my attention back to the sketch I was working on, chewing on my lip in frustration. Like many of those before it, it had shifted from an outfit meant for a Rosalie to something that was more suited for a Bella.

Like every time I thought of Bella, my mind was instantly drawn to her. I had, of course, been told not to watch her, not to check up on her. But if _he _wasn't here to read my mind, then what would it hurt? That was the justification I gave myself anyhow.

She was washing dishes. It was such a mundane task, so ordinary. I knew Bella well and knew she treasured the simplicity of going through the motions of her evening routine. It gave her a chance to focus on something aside from heartbreak and whatever it was about Jacob Black that bothered her so.

I did a quick inventory. No broken bones, no new cuts or bruises. Bella had been miraculously accident proof since I'd last checked on her two days ago. If she were still in my life, I would have rewarded her somehow, quite possibly with the outfit I was drawing now.

As they always did when I looked in on Bella, my thoughts shifted to Edward. It took a moment for me to get a firm grasp on him, something I had grown accustom to. He was indecisive these days. The instant I located him, my frown deepened. He was still curled up in a ball in an attic in Brazil, same as yesterday, still not thinking much, still trying desperately not to feel.

"Damn," Jasper muttered, the sound of a part of his model falling apart echoing throughout the too quiet room. No one paid him any mind.

It was then that the rage, the blame flew into me. It happened at random and I always felt terrible about it later. Edward had enough on him without me blaming him too.

It was his fault though. He was the one who had dissolved the special bond our family had shared and honestly, the one who had taken Bella from us. I didn't need my mind's ability to see the hurt his absence left us to feel.

Rosalie was probably the least affected by Edward's departure. She was the least attached to Bella and still held a sore spot towards Edward for rejecting her after her creation, even though she was blissfully happy with Emmett. She fed off the others though and their downcast mood affected her.

Emmett missed Edward's companionship. Yes, he still had Jasper but Jasper just wasn't Edward. Edward had been Emmett's buddy. His pal. His comrade. His partner in crime. Emmett and Edward liked to roughhouse, something Jasper didn't like as it reminded him of, well, things he'd prefer not to be reminded of. Edward's departure had left Emmett with a sense of loneliness that none of us, not even Rosalie could quite fill. He also missed the unique, big brother relationship he had struck up with Bella. I had caught him trying to be more of a 'big brother' to me as of late and frankly, found it annoying.

It was the other three that I worried about the most. Carlisle loved all of us of course but none of us could deny that he and Edward shared a special bond. He valued Edward's opinions on matters, trusted him with his deepest thoughts. He and Edward had been together the longest, were father and son in every way that mattered. Carlisle held a soft spot for Bella too, not in the least because of how happy she had made Edward.

Esme worried. She may not have given birth to us but she was our mother and mothers worried. She had been so relieved after Edward had found Bella. It had warmed her in a sense to know that Edward had Bella and she had fallen in love with Bella herself. I knew she harbored a hope that Bella would one day be one of us, both as Edward's wife and a fellow vampire. She, at least, had not minded my visions of Bella as a fellow unbreakable.

The worst though was Jasper. He blamed himself wholly and thoroughly. He had wanted to kill Bella on her birthday, a thought he couldn't live with. He held himself responsible for Edward's decision that Bella was better off without him and consequently blamed himself for the shambles in which our family resided. He knew too that Bella was hurting though I made every effort to conceal from him just how much.

I perked up as a vision of Edward moving popped into my head. He was reaching for his cell phone. I grabbed mine and rushed out of the room. He didn't want the others to know he had called. Not this time.

"Edward?" I asked before the phone had even rang.

"You saw me calling I suppose," came Edward's voice. My heart twisted, my earlier blame and anger towards him erased from my mind. Pain resonated through every syllable he spoke, the reason I knew he didn't want anyone to know he'd called. Today was a particularly bad day for him.

"I saw you moving first," I replied, letting him know I was aware of his latest breakdown. Silence met my ears. I didn't break it. I could see that he was trying to decide what to say next. I recited Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" while I waited, not wanting to risk him reading my thoughts and knowing that mere minutes before I had blamed him for what had become of our family. He didn't need that right now.

"It's a bad day," he finally spoke.

"You could come home," I suggested, knowing he wouldn't. I would see when - if - he decided to return to us.

"Alice," he sighed. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I hate seeing you like this," I confessed.

"I know. And you're right. I am to blame - for everything." I winced. Apparently I wasn't focused on "The Raven" strong enough to keep him from my earlier thoughts.

"Edward, don't be so hard on yourself," I tried to comfort him. It was no use, both of us knew.

"Alice…" I sighed. He was determined to punish himself. It wasn't something he was likely to change his mind on soon though I knew his resolve was starting to fade. I made a split second decision and thought back to my most recent vision of Bella. I heard Edward's breath catch on the other end of the phone.

"Stop it," he nearly pleaded. "I told you Alice, no watching her. It's the least we can do."

"She's Bella Edward. She needs watching. Someone has to watch out for her." I knew my words had stung. I had meant for them to.

"How is everyone?" Edward asked, changing the conversation.

_Rosalie has a new set of magazines to lose herself in, Emmett has taken to battling animated warriors, Carlisle and Esme - well, they feel like any parent who has, all but physically, lost a child, and Jasper, he's building another model, _I thought.

"You can tell them I called," Edward answered my thoughts. "Tell them I'm - in Australia, trekking through the Outback."

I couldn't help but snort. The Outback? Like he wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb there. I would have to tell everyone he was hiding out during the day when they pondered his choice of hunting grounds.

"I know it's ridiculous," he said, again answering my unspoken thoughts. "But the less they know, the better."

"We miss you," I said, my voice low.

"I know."

Without searching it out, another image of Bella popped into my mind. This time, she was sitting on the side of her bed, her arms wrapped around herself as if she were holding herself together.

"I have to go," Edward said bitterly, hanging up before I had a chance to speak.

I sighed heavily as I closed my phone. This was utterly ridiculous - lying to our family about where he was, tormenting himself this way, leaving Bella with an open and still bleeding wound. I was convinced more than ever that my brother was a complete fool. I heard Esme in the kitchen, no doubt trying to busy herself with one mundane, human-like task or another. I glided through the door and sure enough, she was washing the pots and pans - pots and pans that had never cooked a single meal.

"Edward just called me," I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as I could. Esme quickly spun to face me.

"Did he?" she asked. "Where is he? How is he? Why didn't he speak with any of the rest of us?"

"He's in Australia," I answered smoothly, an old pro at lying by now. "He's trekking through the Outback. He says the hunting is good there. He was in a hurry - the cell phone reception wasn't the best - but he said he would try and call again soon."

Esme pierced me with knowing eyes. I wondered which part she considered the lie - or if she picked up that all of it was. My guess was the latter. Mother's instinct or whatever.

"But how is he?" she asked instead, pointing out that I hadn't answered one of her questions. There had been a reason for that.

"He's - fine." The lie was not convincing in the least. Esme narrowed her eyes.

"Alice…"

I sighed.

"It's - a bad day," I explained. I watched Esme's worried face fall even more.

"Did you ask him to come home?" she pressed. "He shouldn't be alone. Not in his - state."

"Of course I did," I answered. "But I already knew he wouldn't. He's determined Esme. His resolve is wavering ever so slightly but still, he's convinced this is what's best. Never mind that it's killing him. Never mind that it's killing Bella. He's still convinced she's going to get over him and move on."

Esme shook her head.

"This is wrong," she said softly.

"There's no changing his mind," I answered.

Esme only sighed and went back to the sink full of water. I didn't bother pointing out that the task, as unnecessary as it was, would take much less time if she used the dishwasher. Instead, I turned back to the living room to deliver the news of Edward's call and repeat the conversation I'd just had with Esme four more times.


	2. Rigamortis

**Hi everyone! I wanted to say 'thank you' to the many of you who read the first update! I didn't get any reviews however so if you would please let me know what you think, I'd be very happy! Things are a *little* slow right now as I set up the story but things start happening in the next update and then REALLY start happening from there. So yes, thank you for reading! Let me know what you think! **

**And just like it says on my profile - I don't own anything Twilight related, I'm just a fan!**

**Edward's POV**

Excruciating.

That summed up my existence. If you could call balling up in the smallest ball I could manage and hiding in corners until my thirst grew so powerful it overpowered my wish to hide away from myself for eternity an existence.

Today had been especially bad. Worse even then the previous day when I had thought hearing Alice's voice would clear my head some. I knew why. It was the latest image of Bella Alice had left me with, my love sitting on the edge of her bed, holding herself together, looking careworn and even more fragile than before.

I had done that. Me.

I debated constantly on which was worse: my presence or my absence.

If I was where I wanted to be, in Forks with Bella in my arms, she would be in constant danger. Danger from me, from my family, from those who may cross our path. She would be happy I guessed - or at least hoped - and I certainly would be, but was the cost worth it? Alice had pointed out, after bursting into my room unannounced and calling me various names I hadn't known she was capable of moments after I had made my decision to leave Bella, that there were no guarantees, that Bella was safe with me because I loved her more than I thirsted for her. She reminded me that I would go to hell and back to ensure Bella's safety, concluding that it was, therefore, safe for Bella to be with me. Oh how I wished it were so easy.

But six months since leaving her in the woods she was still miserable. The image Alice had seen in her mind floated before me, essentially blocking out the view of my surroundings. Bella was much too thin, her color nearly as pale as mine. Her heart looked heavy. If I were doing that to her, how was staying away from her the right thing to do? I had to consistently remind myself that, as bad as this was, being with her, putting her in danger, was much worse.

I wished fiercely that I could take away her pain. Her pain was my pain. I bore the weight of it on my shoulders in addition to my own. If only I could actually do that for her. I could lift any object, run miles in mere seconds, read the thoughts of every single being on earth - except Bella's.

Everything I couldn't do revolved around Bella. I couldn't literally take away her pain and make it my own. I couldn't love her the way she deserved. I couldn't be with her and have her safe in the same instance. I couldn't live without her. When it came to Bella, I was defeated. Completely.

I missed my family desperately as well. It twisted the knife in even farther to know that, because of me, they had had to leave Forks so much sooner than planned. They had ran away for me and I hadn't had it in me to stay with them. I had tried for a bit but it had been more than I could stand.

Rosalie inwardly gloating because she had been right all along and it hadn't worked out.

Emmett thinking of random ways to tease Bella only to remember that Bella wasn't going to be around anymore.

Carlisle silently offering me sympathy with his thoughts, reminding me he was always there for me.

Esme worrying about me, her unbeating heart breaking for me as she helplessly watched me suffer.

Alice dancing between missing Bella and being furious at me for letting her go.

And Jasper. His guilt. It was more than I could stand, especially when I couldn't promise myself that I wouldn't turn on him, place my blame on him as well.

My family was falling apart because of me and worse still, Alice blamed me. I had seen it in her thoughts, not just yesterday but during other phone calls. The others didn't blame me - or at least that hadn't during the few times I had spoken with them over the phone - they merely worried themselves silly over me. But Alice, she confirmed what I felt. I was solely responsible for their unhappiness. Theirs and Bella's. Seven people that I loved beyond anything else and I was hurting each of them. Fool that I was.

Drawing forth extra effort from somewhere very deep within, I pushed the painful image of Bella aside enough to take in the new surroundings I had aimlessly wandered into after my phone call with Alice.

A dark ally in the slums apparently, surrounding buildings casting a permanent shadow over it that made it safe for me to be there without the risk of sunlight exposing me. It seemed I was subconsciously finding the worst places I possibly could to reside in. I deserved no less of course.

The smell of garbage, of dead animals - mainly rats from the stench - hung thickly in the air. More bags of trash and several broken pieces of furniture lined the walls. I sank down against a brick wall, mentally calculating how long I could stay there before I would have to hunt again. My guess was three days but I also knew it was a stretch considering I hadn't hunted in two. I liked to test myself these days.

If I couldn't have Bella, it seemed the least I could do was sleep. I had never really minded the whole not sleeping thing before other than the occasional bout of boredom or else wishing to skip school but daily now I cursed my permanent insomnia. If I could sleep, I could possibly be without my heavy burden for a few hours out of each day. With my luck however I would be damned to nightmares. Not that bad dreams would be any different from my reality. I closed my eyes, figuring I could at least pretend. In an odd way, it made me feel closer to Bella.

Hours passed. I ignored the occasional thought belonging to someone else that drifted through my head and focused all my energy on not thinking.

"What's this?" a booming voice broke through the wall I had effectively built around myself in my hours against the wall. He spoke Spanish but it was just one of the many languages I was fluent in. I kept my eyes closed and stopped my breath in an effort to keep from being tempted by his scent. If nothing else, I was going to hold true to my promise to Carlisle to drink only the blood of animals. It was the least I could do after putting him and the rest of my family through hell.

"A foreigner it seems," came another voice. I didn't bother to respond. Their thoughts were harmless at the moment, the two teenagers who had spoken and a third standing with them all merely curious. For now.

"You there," the third one spoke to me. I didn't respond. "Did you hear me?" he tried again.

"Is he dead?" the first one who had spoken asked.

"Seems it," the third one agreed. "One of you check."

An argument ensued between them, none of them wanting to touch a potentially dead guy. The second one, the weakest of the set based on his thoughts and feeble attempts at putting the job off on one of the others, lost.

_Please be dead, _he thought as he tiptoed towards me. _Please, please be dead. _He was terrified that I wasn't, that I would spring to life mere inches from him.

I could sense his trembling hand inching closer to my neck. The other two stood back, their thoughts focused on their friend, ready to come to his aide if need be. I remained completely still, continued holding my breath. I felt two warm fingers gently press to my neck where my heartbeat would have been had I had one. The warmth did nothing but remind me of Bella. It was the first warm touch I had felt in six months.

_Oh thank God, _number two thought.

"There's no heartbeat," he reported to his friends. Their thoughts shifted quickly from relief to damage control.

"He's as cold as ice," two continued. "And - hard. Rigamortis must have set in. Poor guy, stuck upright. Wonder if he'll have to be buried like that?" His fingers left my neck.

One of them snorted.

"Who cares?" three said. "We need to get out of here - we can't afford for the wrong person to show up and see us here with him. We're walking on thin ice with the cops as it is. Let us get found next to a dead guy…"

I watched as he thought of potential scenarios if he were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Several of them involved losing his girlfriend who, despite his brute like appearance and history of bad decisions, he loved completely. I empathized.

"Yeah - lets get out of here," the first one agreed. He too was thinking over scenarios but they concerned the wrath of his father, a wealthy and powerful businessman.

"What should we do?" two asked. "Call someone? Anonymously of course?" I almost smiled. He really was the weakest of the trio, a kinder heart, his thoughts more focused on treating my dead body with respect rather then about what could happen if he were found with me. Of course, his rap sheet wasn't nearly as impressive as the others'.

"Just leave him here," three answered. "Someone will find him soon enough."

"But he's dead," two argued. "We can call the police from a payphone, tell them were to find him."

The sounds of a brief scuffle echoed through the ally as two was pulled away from me.

"Come on," one said, pulling two away. "There's nothing we can do here. He's dead." I listened to the three of them hurry towards the end of the ally.

Yes, I agreed with one, keeping my eyes closed but allowing my breath to start again, I am.


	3. My Regards

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming! **

**This chapter is from Bella's point of view. Honestly, Bella doesn't have a *lot* to do right now. Or she does - she sort of 'sees' things go into motion but has no idea what is actually going on - if that makes any sense. Her time will come soon though. As promised, the action picks up here. The basis for the rest of the story is here. I hope you enjoy! Thank you again for the reviews!**

**Bella's POV**

Edward. Jacob. Werewolves. Victoria.

Edward. Jacob. Werewolves. Victoria.

Edward. Jacob. Werewolves. Victoria.

I chanted those four words through my head as I lay in the dark, painfully aware of how warm my bed was, worry and heartache consuming me.

I wished I was normal. I wished I knew nothing about the mythological creatures that surrounded me. I wished that I was as resilient as Jessica, able to bounce back from a breakup like it was no big thing. I wished I was as preoccupied with college as Angela. I wished I was concerned with planning the ultimate spring break trip like Mike. Anything would be better than lying in my too warm bed, missing a vampire, worrying about a young werewolf and his pack, and fearing a ferocious vampire hell bent on revenge.

I take that back.

At least the part where I wished I didn't know about the mythological world that was so closely woven with my own. I wouldn't mind not knowing about Victoria though.

Despite what Edward had put me though, I wouldn't take back the chance to know him. I had loved him too fiercely for that. He had been - still was - too big of a part of my life to pretend he had never happened.

And not knowing about Edward would have meant not knowing about the rest of the Cullens. As much as I longed for and missed Edward, I still had enough heart left over to miss Alice who was like a sister to me, Emmett the big brother I had never had, Carlisle, one of the kindest people - and the best doctor - I had ever met, Esme who had become like a mother to me, my Forks mom if you will. I even missed Jasper and Rosalie. Jasper had intentionally hung on the fringes around me but he had risked his life to protect mine when James was after me. I knew, wherever he was, he probably held himself responsible for this mess. Rosalie… Well, I had grown, not fond of her but she was a Cullen and that had meant something to me.

Jacob of course presented a whole other problem. He was as dangerous if not more so than hanging with a coven of vampires. He was a young werewolf, unstable, unintentionally dangerous.

I worried over him practically every waking moment. Because the young werewolf thing wasn't bad enough, he and his pack were putting up their lives to protect mine from Victoria. At least two of them were out in the woods now, patrolling my house, hunting for any trace of Victoria. I didn't doubt that Jacob was out there, even if it weren't his turn to patrol. He had appointed himself my personal guardian until the threat was dissolved.

Somewhere between missing Edward, worrying about Jacob, and expecting Victoria to spring thorough my window, I drifted off to sleep.

"Bella," Edward moaned. I could see him, far away, lying on a soft white bed.

"Bella," he moaned again.

"Edward," I whispered. I hurried towards him, expecting or maybe fearing that he'd remain in the distance. Instead, I was able to reach him, quicker than I'd expected considering the distance. I gasped in horror.

He was heavily bandaged, his eyes closed.

"Edward!" I gasped, falling to my knees by his bed.

"Bella," he whispered. He turned his face towards me and slowly opened his eyes. The pair of golden orbits looked empty. "I love you." He closed his eyes again and was still. Fade to black.

The earlier morning sun woke me sometime later. I cursed it. It made my bed even warmer. The memory of my dream slammed into the forefront of my mind.

Edward. Hurt. Dead? I couldn't be sure of the dead part. He had told me the only sure way to kill a vampire was to tear them to shreds and then burn them. But was that the _only_ way? He had said sure way. Did that mean that there were other ways?

Why would I dream of Edward wounded and possibly dead though? That was certainly a deviation from my regular dream pattern. I pondered on that for a while, thankful for the moment at least that it was Saturday and school wasn't calling my name. I would regret that later when it sank in that I didn't have my education to distract me. After an hour of dissecting every part of the dream I could remember, I chalked it up to a dream that combined both my longing for Edward and my concern over Jacob and forced myself out of bed.

"Morning," Charlie muttered when I appeared in the kitchen. He was seated at the table, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"Not fishing this morning?" I asked. It was Saturday after all and, for the time being at least, sunny.

"No. Going to the hospital. Harry Clearwater? He had a heart attack last night. He's in real bad shape."

I picked up the bowl of cereal I'd poured myself and turned to face my dad.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked, genuinely concerned. People recovered from heart attacks all the time, right?" Charlie shrugged.

"It's bad," he repeated. "I'm going to head over there, try to support Sue and the kids. Billy's there right now. Harry's a good friend you know?" I nodded. I did know. I had come to understand exactly what a good friend was since Edward had left.

"Shame Dr. Cullen isn't here anymore," Charlie muttered. I froze at the mention of Carlisle's name, my spoon halfway to my mouth. "Harry had to have emergency surgery. Cullen was the best Forks had. Of course that's why Los Angeles stole him away."

It was then that Charlie realized what he said and looked up quickly from his plate of eggs.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mention…" I let my spoon fall back into my bowl then held up my empty hand to stop him.

"It's okay dad," I said softly, my appetite gone. "You're right. Carlisle - Dr. Cullen - is an excellent surgeon."

"I'm really sorry Bella," Charlie apologized again. I forced a smile at him and took a bite of my unwanted cereal to keep up the 'I'm fine' charade I was now forced to play. Charlie threw down the rest of his breakfast and was up from the table, his dishes in the sink, and coat on so fast that I had to remind myself he wasn't a vampire.

"Don't worry about dinner tonight Bells. I'm not sure when I'll be back."

"Give Sue my regards," I replied. Charlie raised an eyebrow at my choice of wording but didn't question it. I knew it wasn't something someone my age would normally say but I had picked up some of Edward's phrases and they didn't leave just because he had.

"I will." With that, Charlie was gone.

What did I do now? Free time was the equivalent of torture.

I wandered to the living room and turned on the television. It didn't surprise me to see it had been tuned to ESPN the last time it was on. It was almost a surprise that we had other channels. I flipped through them absentmindedly. Nothing held my attention.

"Bella?"

I yelped and jumped out of the recliner. Jacob appeared in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame, laughing.

"Jake!" I scolded through now gritted teeth. "When a girl is being stalked by a vicious, vindictive, revenge-seeking vampire you do not - under any circumstances - walk into a room unannounced!" Jacob laughed again.

"Chill Bella," he said, striding into the room and flopping down on the sofa. I heard it groan under his weight. "And for the record, I did announce myself. I called your name, remember?" I glared at him as I eased myself back down to the recliner, my rapid heartbeat steadying.

"Did you hear about Harry?" Jake asked conversationally. I nodded.

"Charlie left not too long ago to go to the hospital, offer Sue and the kids his support."

"Billy's there now - been there since early this morning." The channel the TV had been on before he had interrupted my attempt at distracting myself caught his eye.

"Really Bella - home improvement shows? I seriously don't want to know what would happen if you decided to pick up a power tool."

I scoffed and threw the remote at him. "Find something else then." He caught it easily and flipped through the channels, settling on some action movie involving lots of foul language and gunfire. Stupid werewolf.

"So what do I owe this visit?" I asked after a few minutes, ignoring the latest gun fight occurring on the television.

"Can't a _friend _stop by for a _friendly _visit?" Jacob replied. I ignored his emphasizing of the words 'friend' and 'friendly'. He was still a little sore over my informing him that we were friends and nothing more.

"If I weren't being hunted by the afore mentioned vampire and you didn't spend every spare minute roaming the woods as a wolf in an effort to protect me, I would buy that," I pointed out. I could tell by the look on Jacob's face that I had caught him. I didn't miss his other intention either - to spend time with me despite the whole 'just friends' thing.

"Okay Bella, you caught me. But don't freak out okay? It's nothing to worry about…," Jacob trailed off. Me not worry? Right.

"What is it Jake?" I asked, my voice an octave higher then usual.

"Well, early this morning, right before dawn, we um, got a lead of Victoria." I was all ears.

"How close was she?" I asked.

"Bella, there's no reason to worry…." Jacob trailed off again. She was close then.

"Did she make it into the yard?" I asked. "Or just to the edge of the woods? Or is she farther out? A mile maybe? Two?" I was panicking and I knew it.

"Well, not _that_ close," Jacob admitted. "But too close for our liking. She was at - well, she was at _his _house. She ran around the perimeter and then tried to break into the house. It's boarded up pretty well though - or should I say metaled up? I've never seen so much steel in one place - anyways, she didn't get in which pissed her off. She was quick about her work though. Embry was the one who caught her scent. In just the few minutes it took for him to relay the message and for the rest of us to get there, she had taken to the river behind their house. We lost her again."

My heart skipped a few beats. Victoria was at Edward's. Why? I'm sure she knew they were gone. Was she tracking Edward? Or maybe she was just making sure they hadn't come back. I felt the hole in my chest that had only slightly mended in the last six months tear open a tiny bit more. Of course they hadn't come back.

"She's gone for now though Bella. Like I said - nothing to worry about. But I know you like to know what's going on so I thought I'd tell you," Jacob explained when I didn't say anything.

"Thanks," I said. I wasn't sure if I was thankful though. Maybe it was better not knowing what Victoria was up to. I could see my already slim chances of getting a good night's sleep that night become even smaller. It was bad enough that she was after me and that the wolves - Jacob - were protecting me. If she was after Edward or any of the Cullens as well…

Jacob stood then.

"I should get going. We're meeting up in Sam's in a bit to talk strategy. But don't worry - Paul will be out in the woods watching the house and we can be here in minutes if need be."

I stood too.

"Be careful," I said automatically. Jacob rolled his eyes as he always did when I reminded him to look out for himself.

"Bye Bells. See you later. No power tools, okay?" With a smirk, Jacob was gone as quickly as he'd appeared.

I once again sank back down to my recliner.

Edward. Victoria. Jacob. Victoria. The Cullens. Victoria. Werewolves. Victoria.

Edward. Victoria. Jacob. Victoria. The Cullens. Victoria. Werewolves. Victoria.

Edward. Victoria. Jacob. Victoria. The Cullens. Victoria. Werewolves. Victoria.


	4. Opinions

**I have decided that I really enjoy writing Alice. She's the character I see myself the most in and I love how she inserts her thoughts into conversations so freely. A lot happens in this chapter even though it's shorter than some of the others. I've found myself plotting the Alice chapters to come, just because I love writing her. Anyways, thank you to each of you who have reviewed! Please keep them coming! They encourage me and add fuel to the fire for me to get these updates written and posted! **

**And because I haven't done it in a couple of chapters, here is a disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything concerning it. I'm merely a fan who adores the characters Stephanie Meyers as created who enjoys putting them in different situations. **

**Alice's POV**

I bolted upright from where I'd been lying on my back, staring at the living room ceiling for the last two hours.

"Carlisle!"

Esme and Rosalie turned their heads just in time to see me bolt out of the living room. I rushed into the garage and pushed the button to open the garage door. Just as I'd seen in my head, Carlisle's Mercedes was coming down the driveway. I waited impatiently for him to pull in, tapping my foot against the cold cement. The half minute it took for him to pull into the garage seemed to take an eternity.

"To what do I owe this lovely surprise, my daughter eagerly awaiting my arrival home?" he asked with a smile as he got out of his car, briefcase in hand. The sound of the garage door closing filled the garage.

"Victoria," I blurted out over the noise. I saw Carlisle's face tighten.

"What about her?" he asked cautiously. He and were the only family members who knew Edward had attempted and failed to track her, me because I had seen it when Edward had made the decision to hunt her, Carlisle because I had gone to him out of concern for Edward. We had decided to keep it to ourselves unless it became necessary for the others to know.

"She was at our house in Forks," I explained quickly, recalling my vision. "She was making sure we weren't there."

"Why?" Carlisle demanded.

"She's after Bella. She wants to avenge James' death. We killed her lover so she wants to hurt us - particularly Edward - by killing Bella."

"And where is Edward?" the questions continued.

"Australia," I said automatically. That was the last lie Edward had me tell the family so I guessed that was still our current story.

"Now is not the time for you to cover for him Alice," Carlisle warned me. He was good. It was the fatherly instincts - particularly the one that detected lies from his children - he had developed over the years I guess.

"He's in Columbia now, a basement of an old factory," I admitted, knowing lying for him was not helpful in this case. "He was in Brazil the last time he called, south Texas before that. He's going to leave the basement soon to hunt but I don't seem him leaving the country."

Carlisle was silent, thinking. I waited. Finally, he looked at me, his eyes worried.

"Do we tell him?" he asked me. He couldn't decide and was actually asking my opinion. This was new. It was usually Edward who's opinion was valued in these situations. I wasn't sure I liked it. This wasn't how things normally went when there was a crisis.

"Give me a minute." Carlisle waited patiently as I took the time to think on his question, using both my ability and how well I knew my brother to weigh each option.

"We tell him," I finally answered. "It's not ideal. He's going to track Victoria again which is going to bring him back to Forks. He's still determined to stay away from Bella but him being in Forks with a vampire that wants to kill her is going to test that. Good. He shouldn't be trying to stay away from her anyways, idiot that he is."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow in warning for me to get back on track. I continued.

"If we don't tell him, he's going to go ballistic when he does find out - and he will because of his mind reading. Esme would be the one to give it away whenever Edward calls again which, for the record, isn't anytime in the near future. She'll worry about Bella when she finds out and she won't be able to hide that in her thoughts."

The Esme part was more speculation than fact but I knew my family. It was damn near impossible to hide anything from Edward, especially something as big as a vampire out to get the person he lived for. Esme was terrible at keeping Edward out of her thoughts, especially when they weighed heavily on things like vengeful nomads.

"When it comes to Bella, Edward's not rational - hence the whole 'I'm staying away from her because I'm a danger' thing. Again, he's an idiot. If he isn't given the chance to protect her, it's going to infuriate him which can only go badly," I finally finished.

Carlisle shook his head slightly, probably out of annoyance with my rather long - and not completely on topic - answer.

"He's not well," he stated, worry etching itself across his face. "I'm worried about his reaction."

"He needs to know," I argued. I knew Edward extremely well. If things were different, Carlisle would have seen right away that telling Edward outright was the best option. But Carlisle was also a father and his vision was clouded by his concern for Edward's unstable well-being.

"If Bella is at risk then he won't rest until she's safe," Carlisle mused, deep in thought. I couldn't read minds but I knew what he was thinking. If Edward was protecting Bella, he wouldn't be curling up in tight balls in attics, basements, and well-shaded allies. I shuttered slightly. Carlisle knew things were bad with Edward. He didn't have the vivid mental image of just how bad they were though. I envied him that.

"Jacob Black is involved somehow," I said suddenly, another vision of Bella worrying over Jacob popping into my mind.

"Black?" Carlisle asked, his voice urgent. I nodded.

"He's a friend of Bella's," I explained. "She's been relying on him a lot since Edward left." I remembered then. The Blacks. La Push. The Quileutes. It all clicked into place suddenly. I wondered why I didn't piece it together sooner.

"Bella!" I groaned. "Only you would befriend werewolves!"

"Young ones at that," Carlisle confirmed my suspicions. "And more than one. I'd imagine there are five or six of them by now if I have their lineage right."

"Jacob must be protecting her," I guessed. "They've become good friends. I'd wager that Jacob sees her as more than just a friend." I grimaced at the thought. Bella belonged with Edward, not some _dog. _

"I'd almost guarantee it then," Carlisle nodded. He looked as though he were piecing together all the parts to this growing puzzle in his head, twisting and turning them against one another until they clicked just right.

"So who's calling Edward?" I asked. "And are we telling him about the werewolves?"

"I'll call but from your phone. He's more likely to answer if he sees your number on the screen as opposed to mine or any of the others. And yes, we'll tell him about the werewolves. I'm not as skilled as you are at keeping him out of my head. Then we'll go inside and fill everyone else in on what's happening and go from there."

I handed Carlisle my phone and perched on the hood of his Mercedes. I tuned into Edward, determined to see his reactions - and decisions - firsthand.


	5. Phone Calls

**As always, thank you for the comments! This is on the short side but hopefully the action makes up for it! Please let me know what you think!**

**Edward's POV**

My phone rang. I ignored it. It was only one of my family members and I didn't want to deal with them right now, working to put on a front that all was fine and well when really I was living in a self-induced version of hell. It had been another bad day. Bella weighed heavily on my mind. My ever present worry about her had increased tenfold as oppressively hot day lagged on.

My phone rang again. I ignored it. Again.

It rang once more. I sighed heavily and straightened out my legs from their tucked position against my chest. If I were human, I'd be full of aches and pains from the cramped ball I spent my days in. I dug the phone out of my pocket as it notified me of three missed calls and a dying battery. I'd have to find a place to charge it soon. It rang out a fourth time before I could check who the missed calls were from.

'Alice' the screen read. Either something had happened or she was so determined to talk to me that she'd merely keep trying until I answered. I decided to answer not only in case something was really wrong but because there really was no use in ignoring Alice.

"Hello?" I answered with more edge to my voice then was necessary.

"Edward?" came Carlisle's voice.

I froze. Carlisle. Something was wrong. He wouldn't call - and on Alice's phone, the one person I was mostly likely to answer for nonetheless - unless something was wrong. I immediately started searching his thoughts. Other then relief and surprise that I answered and concern about my edgy voice, there was nothing. He was intentionally working to keep my out. That was fine. Alice was the only one who had it down to a near science. He'd crack as soon as I got him talking.

"What is it Carlisle?" I asked. "What's happened?"

"What makes you think something is wrong Edward?" he replied.

"Because you are calling - on Alice's phone. You wouldn't bother me unless something was wrong." I was sure of my opinion. I heard Carlisle sigh. I was right.

"Alice greeted me this evening with some concerns…"

It was then that his thoughts revealed themselves. Bella. Victoria. Bella. Jacob. Bella. Werewolves.

"No!" I roared, spring to my feet. My increasing worry for Bella had been founded in fact. She was in immense danger. Somehow, I had known that.

"Alice saw Victoria search our house in Forks," Carlisle explained. I half listened, wildly scanning his thoughts for more as I slipped quietly up the stairs to escape the basement. His thoughts weren't changing fast enough for me. I was already on the move, a plan beginning to take shape.

"She was making sure we weren't there. She's looking to avenge James' death…"

"By hurting me in the worst way possible," I finished for him. I wouldn't let that happen. I wouldn't allow it. Living without Bella was hard enough. Living in a world she didn't exist in - that was impossible. Victoria would not lay one finger on my Bella. I stuck close to the shadows cast by shops as I moved as quickly as I could without raising suspicion through the crowded town square.

"That's her plan," Carlisle confirmed. He hesitated before continuing.

"I know you've tried tracking her Edward…"

I hissed. Damn Alice!

"Alice was concerned for you Edward. She and I are the only ones that know. I assume you'll be back on Victoria's trail very soon - that you're already on the move."

"She's after Bella. Of course I'm already on the move," I answered. I jumped over a dumpster and darted through a web of alleyways, the phone still at my ear.

"There's more," Carlisle warned me.

"The werewolves," I responded to his thoughts. "They'll be a problem." In my plan, I was going to figure out that part of the plan while on the first plane heading for Forks, the starting point of my renewed hunt for Victoria.

"They're protecting Bella. Don't anger them. It won't help anything," Carlisle warned me.

"Protecting her?" I roared. "They're werewolves!"

I heard Alice squeal excitedly in the background. She must have seen something she liked. Fantastic.

"We're going back to Forks!" I heard her calling, her voice growing fainter as she left Carlisle.

"No," I growled to Carlisle. "You stay where you are. I can handle this." I didn't want my family interfering, trying to help me. I wanted to do this on my own. I _had_ to do this on my own. Besides, it would be suspicious if all 7 Cullens suddenly returned to Forks.

"Apparently the decision has already been made," Carlisle informed me. He was pleased to be heading back to Forks. I would have known that by the tone of his voice had I not had the ability to read minds. "Otherwise Alice wouldn't be upstairs packing as we speak."

"I don't want this," I tried a different angle to change his mind, ducking behind SUVS and vans as I crossed a sunny parking lot to a patch of woods.

"No," Carlisle agreed. "You don't. But it's what you need."

_No, _I thought, _that is most definitely not what I need. _My phone beeped harshly.

"My battery is dying and I still need to book plane tickets. I have to go," I told Carlisle.

"He'll be flying in to Seattle. Tell him we'll have a car waiting for him!" came Alice's singsong voice again. I growled once more. Alice knew how I wanted to handle this, the little traitor.

"You heard her," Carlisle said to me. "We'll see you at home." The phone went dead.

'See you at home' Carlisle had said. It hit me then. I was going home. To Forks. To Bella. But in what capacity? Another part of the plan to figure out between Columbia and Forks.


	6. Funeral Phase

**Poor Bella. She knows something is going on and yet everyone and their brother is working to keep her in the dark. It must be really frustrating to be her. I've gotten several more reviews - thank you! Please, please keep them coming! I know this update is kind of short but Bella isn't *as* imperative as she will be soon enough. And as a tease - the next two updates are completed and I am a fan - especially of the second one! If I get enough reviews, I may post the first of those later today… Have a great day everyone!**

**Bella's POV**

"Scoot over," I muttered to Jacob, low enough to not be disruptive.

"Can't," Jacob muttered back. I glanced at his face and inwardly scoffed at the smug look he wore. He was clearly enjoying the tight quarters of Harry's funeral, attended by nearly every soul in La Push, not to mention half of Forks.

"You're making me sweat," I complained. I tried to wiggle away from him to know avail.

"Werewolf," he whispered with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Arrogant teenager," I shot back a little louder then our previous whispers. Charlie cut a warning eye towards me. I bit my lip to shut myself up. Jacob stifled a grin that would be highly inappropriate at a funeral.

I was more than aware of the seating arrangement. I was surrounded on all sides by members of the pack, a few rows behind Sue Clearwater and her children, Leah and Seth. Charlie sat squished in beside me, Billy next to him. Poor Charlie. In the middle of a pack of werewolves and blissfully unaware of it. Well, maybe not blissfully. Harry's death had shook him to his core. Seeing him like this made me more than a little eager to survive this Victoria mess.

The service and burial went by in a blur. I cried openly during Sue's tribute to her husband. I didn't know Sue and Harry well but I knew of the kind of love she spoke of and her words tore the hole in my chest wider than ever. I wondered if it would have been easier to have had Edward torn away from me by death rather than having him fall out of love with me and leave me standing in the middle of the woods.

It wouldn't have been. Edward was still alive and well somewhere. He still existed in the same world as me. That thought was comforting. Death would have stolen that small comfort from me.

After the burial I stood with Jacob, Paul, Sam, and Emily on the edge of the funeral goers who talked amongst themselves about Harry's death, Sue's grieving, and the chill in the air. With three werewolves hovering about, I hardly felt the cool temperature.

"I'm going to go into the woods, phase," Sam muttered to us. "I want to check in with Jared, see if there's anything new." I watched as he squeezed Emily's hand then kissed her on her cheek before slipping quietly away from the crowd. It made me a little jealous to watch them but I was also more than a little concerned about why Sam had to leave a funeral to go check in with Jared if they weren't worried about Victoria. I watched him pull off his dark sports jacket as he entered the woods.

"It's just a precaution," Jacob said low enough for me to hear. He must have picked up on the anxiousness I felt about Sam's departure.

"How are you Bella?" came Emily's soft voice. She put a light hand on my arm. I turned to her, no longer noticing the scars across her face.

"I'm fine," I told her, an automatic response. She raised an eyebrow.

"Are you?" It wasn't a question. It was a challenge - a challenge for me to confess what I was really feeling. Jacob and Paul made themselves busy, talking with each other.

"I feel terrible for Sue," I said, telling the truth about that part.

"I can only imagine what she must be going through. I don't know what I'd do if I lost Sam. He's a part of me, you know?" Emily commented.

I chewed on the inside of my lip. Yes, I knew. I knew too well. And Emily knew that. She thought I needed to talk about what happened with Edward and I. Vampire or not, she understood that I'd loved him. It had been nearly seven months now but I still wasn't ready to talk about it. It was easier not to.

"It must be hard," I said carefully, keeping my voice void of emotion. Emily gave me a friendly smile.

"I'm here for you Bella."

"Hey," Sam said, returning to the group, jacket thrown over his shoulder, tie loose, shirt untucked, the top few buttons open.

I studied Sam. He looked calm enough, collected. But there was something, around his eyes, that didn't match the persona he was trying to put off.

"Everything good?" Paul asked casually. Sam took Emily's hand.

"Everything is," he cut an eye at me he didn't think I'd noticed, "fine."

The group atmosphere shifted. Jacob and Paul glanced at each other. Emily tightened her hand around his. I looked from face to face, trying to figure out what I was missing. Sam of course was the only one in on the secret - for now - but I was determined to find out right along with the rest of them.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Nothing Bella. Everything is fine. Which - while it's good for you - is a little annoying. It's frustrating, knowing that revenge-fueled bloodsucker is out there and not knowing where or what her next move is," Sam explained. He was lying.

"There's nothing to worry about Bella," Paul assured me.

"What they said," Jacob smirked, throwing an arm across my shoulders. I shrugged away from it. Sam leaned over and kissed Emily's cheek again, his lips lingering a little longer than was necessary. I felt jealousy wash over me again.

"I need to get over to Sue's," Emily announced, letting go of Sam's hand. "I told a few of the other women I'd help with getting the food set up. Sue doesn't need to do anymore than she has to right now."

"Okay. I'll ride over with Paul in a bit. I'm going to hang out here for a while, see if there's anything I can do. I'll see you soon." Sam kissed Emily's lips quickly. Emily walked away a few feet but turned back to me.

"Bella? Could you come help? There's so much food and any help would be appreciated. You can ride over with me and go home with Charlie."

I was no fool. Sam had asked her to distract me so he could talk with the other two about whatever it was Jared had told him.

"I should stick around here, keep an eye on Charlie. He's been so upset lately…" I knew the argument was weak the moment it left my mouth.

"He's got Billy. They'll lean on each other. And we'll be here too. Go on with Emily," Jacob said. He put his hand on the small of my back and practically shoved me towards Emily.

"But…"

"Thank you Bella!" Emily exclaimed, looping her arm through mine and dragging me towards her car. She threw a meaningful look over her shoulder at Sam. I threw a meaningful look over my shoulder as well though it contained an entirely different sentiment.


	7. Delectable

-1**The Cullens are back in Forks! This is one of my favorite chapters so far, second only to the one that comes next! I hope you all like it half as much as I do. I really really do love Alice. Thank you for all of the reviews! Please keep them coming! And of course, I don't own Twilight or the characters… Blah blah blah. I merely like taking the amazing characters and putting them in new situations of my own making while trying to stick as closely to the characters' personalities and histories as I can - though there is the occasional deviation as is necessary for the story… ****J**

**Thanks again! - Happy Friday!**

**Alice's POV**

"It even smells better here," I stated, happily stacking dishes in the kitchen cupboard.

"Oh it's simply delectable," Rosalie snorted.

We were in the kitchen along with Emmett, unpacking our props, Rosalie begrudgingly.

"Besides, we shouldn't bother unpacking," she continued. "We can't stay here. We left for LA, remember? Or so the good people of Forks believe. Personally, I have no shame in telling them the truth - our dear brother forced us to move after finally realizing the numerous mistakes he made over the better part of a year."

"We've moved for you Rosalie," I pointed out. "Quite frankly, Edward is the only one of us who hasn't requested a change of residence before now."

"She's right Rose," Emmett muttered. I smirked, my face turned away for my sister, waiting for Rosalie's rage. Poor Emmett.

"Is she now?" Rosalie whirled to face Emmett, her blonde hair swinging. I shifted my position then so I could watch the exchange from the corner of my eye. Rose and Emmett's fights were always solid entertainment, mainly because Emmett, one of the biggest beings I had ever encountered, was terrified of an angry Rosalie.

"Well we did move for you. Or rather they did - I wasn't with you then and neither were Alice and Jasper but the idea is the same," Emmett began his defense. "They moved for you after you sought out revenge on those bastards who cost you your life in the first place. Just ten years ago we had to move for Jasper, remember? You didn't complain much then."

"My attacking those _bastards _as you so eloquently put it and Jasper's incident in Ireland had everything to do with what we are Emmett!" Rosalie spat. "Having to move for Edward? If he had _remembered_ what we are then this would have never happened!"

"Aw come on Rose! Edward's our brother. He needed us to do this for him so we did."

"I shouldn't be surprised you're taking Edward's side," Rosalie snapped, drawing herself up to her full height. "You adored Bella almost as much as he did!"

I giggled to myself as a vision of what was to come flashed through my head.

"Well yeah I liked Bella - she did all that silly human stuff…"

"Duck Emmett!" I cried, turning to watch full on now. Knowing better then to doubt my advice, Emmett dived out of the way just as Rosalie slung a rather heavy vase at his head. It ripped through the kitchen wall and then the side of the garage. The sound of it shattering against a rock out in the woods rang in our ears.

"Nice arm," Emmett complimented from his spot on the ground.

"Ugh!" Rosalie shrieked, spinning on her stilettos and stomping out of the room. Emmett scrambled to his feet to follow.

"High strung drama queen," I muttered after her.

"That she is," Emmett agreed fondly, chuckling as he left the room. I saw they would be making up inside the hour. Thankfully, Emmett was going to suggest a moonlit walk along the river in an effort to woo his way back into Rosalie's good graces so the rest of us wouldn't have to hear it.

"Rose lose her temper again?" Esme appeared in the kitchen, another box of kitchenware in her arms.

"I suppose I started it by reminding her that the Cullens have picked up their lives for her before when she had started up about having to make sacrifices for Edward," I replied. "Emmett sided with me then made the foolish decision to hit below the belt by saying that Bella did 'silly human stuff'. Don't worry though - things will be well in, oh, about 37 minutes."

"Poor Rose. She struggles with what we are more than the rest," Esme said as a way of excusing Rosalie's latest tantrum. She eyed the hole in the wall. "I'll have to ask Emmett to fix that once he and Rose are okay. With Victoria roaming nearby we need to take all the precautions we can. Holes in our walls defeat the purpose a bit." She watched me place drinking glasses carefully on a shelf for a several moments.

"I'm still not sure about unpacking Alice. I know you see us staying here but…," she trailed off. I put the glass in my hand on the shelf and jumped up to perch on the counter.

"We're staying here Esme. For another couple of years at least. By then it'll be the time we were planning on moving on anyways." I was sure of my vision. Esme wasn't and really, Carlisle wasn't either but he was so preoccupied with Victoria and Edward that he didn't question our making the Forks mansion home again.

"It would be nice…" There was a sense of longing in Esme's voice. We all loved Forks, even Rosalie. Her problem now wasn't Forks. It was having _her_ life disrupted.

I watched Esme trace her finger along the edge of one of her fine China plates. I felt a sympathetic smile grace my face. She had taken Edward's leaving the hardest of all of us. I had news I'd been sitting on since early morning but had kept it to myself. Now seemed to be the right time to divulge.

"Edward will be here tonight," I said nonchalantly. I sprung from the counter and took up a chair at the kitchen table. Esme stared at me.

"Tonight?" she asked. I nodded.

"A little after 1am so technically tomorrow morning but yes, in a few hours, Edward will be back with us."

Esme fell into the chair across from me, looking faint with relief.

"Nearly seven months…," she said softly. "How is he doing?"

I hated when they asked that. They knew it wasn't good but they truly had no idea how bad it was. Before, when I knew they wouldn't be seeing Edward anytime soon, I would sugarcoat the truth. Now, with Edward's arrival eminent, they would see the truth for themselves. I decided to be forthright with Esme now. Maybe it would at least prepare her for the shock of seeing Edward again.

"Remember how Edward glowed around Bella?" I asked. "Like he was walking in the sunlight without the iridescent effect?" Esme smiled faintly as she remembered.

"Yes, I do. It was more like something inside of him was glowing, radiating outward for the world to see." I smiled too. I couldn't have put it better.

"Well, that's gone now. All these months… Well, that's his to talk about if he so chooses. But he's different Esme. He's not _Edward. _He merely looks like him. He aches for Bella, longs for her. He tries to void himself of all emotions. He tests himself, not hunting for days just to see how long he can suffer. His mind now… It's raging. I've tried to see what will happen when he gets here but he's indecisive. His reactions have ranged from sheer relief at being with us again to lashing out at us. The only thing that I know for sure is that he is on his way here."

Esme gazed at me, thinking. I waited. Personally, I was torn between excitement and anxiety over seeing Edward again. His indecisiveness was really starting to annoy me.

"Bella, the love he felt for her, the love she gave him - that's what shown through Edward, made him glow," Esme spoke. "Without her, well, he's what I would be without Carlisle, what you would be without Jasper. He can't live without her but is afraid to live with her."

I thought on that for a moment and then shuttered. I couldn't imagine life without Jasper. How Edward was going without Bella was beyond me. It proved my point - he was an idiot.

"I can't see what's going to happen - he hasn't decided - but I know Edward and I don't see how he'll be able to stay away from Bella when he's so close. He was starting to lose his resolve. Now, knowing she's in danger not only from Victoria but the wolves too, I don't see how he'll keep himself at a distance."

"Between you and I, I hope and pray they reunite," Esme confided. "They need each other." I nodded. I had the same hopes. Carlisle then appeared in the kitchen.

"Carlisle! Alice has just told me that Edward will be home tonight!" Esme said, jumping from her seat and wrapping her arms around her husband.

"Is that so?" Carlisle asked, returning Esme's hug and kissing her forehead. I smiled. He looked stressed - I knew he'd been locked away in his study, trying to piece together as much as he could about Victoria and the werewolves - but the news of Edward's return erased some of the lines on his face.

"Technically he'll be pulling in around 1am which will be tomorrow morning but yes, he'll be here tonight," I confirmed.

"Do we know what - mood - he'll be in?" Carlisle asked. I shook my head.

"He still hasn't made up his mind."

"We'll proceed with caution then," Carlisle stated. "We'll have to spread the word to the others." It was then that we heard Rosalie and Emmett exit through the backdoor.

"I'll tell them when they come back in a couple of hours," I said. "And I'll tell Jasper as well." Carlisle nodded.

"Come Esme. I could use some help setting up my study." Esme smiled fondly at her husband before following him out the room. I stood and returned to unpacking the kitchen, keeping the fact that Carlisle's study was already perfectly arranged to myself.

A few hours and most of the house unpacked later, I climbed the stairs, a picture I'd found in hand, to tell - or maybe warn - Jasper of Edward's impending arrival. I paused in our doorway, watching Jasper focus on building a battleship, hunched over his desk in deep concentration.

"You know," I said, stepping inside our room. "We're starting to run out of room for all of these models of yours." Jasper put down a piece of the ship's hull and his tube of glue. I tried to slip the picture into the nightstand on my side of the bed without him noticing. He caught me.

"What's that?" he asked, appearing at my side and reach around me. He took the picture and turned it over. I saw his face fall.

"I found it while I was unpacking the living room boxes. I thought it would be best - for now at least - if we didn't include it on the mantle," I explained.

He handed me the picture of Edward and Bella wrapped around one another on the mansion's porch, looking as in love as ever.

"I guess that would be a bad idea," he agreed, going back to his model. I tucked the picture safely in the drawer, face down.

"What's going on?" he asked as he sat back down. "You're anxious." I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Women liked to say they had the most sensitive husband but I was pretty sure I won that one. I folded myself into a nearby armchair.

"What time is it?" I asked. Jasper glanced at his Rolex.

"12:40am," he answered. "Why?" I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my face.

"Edward will be here in about 20 minutes."

I watched Jasper's reaction. His face shifted from one of casual conversation to one of mixed emotions - concern, worry, happiness, perhaps fear.

"Oh," he said. I raised my eyebrow.

"Oh?" I repeated. "'Oh' is not usually what one says when the brother they haven't seen in nearly seven months is coming home."

"We knew Edward was coming home," Jasper said too casually. "Bella's in trouble."

"But - how do you feel about it?" I asked gently. Jasper shrugged.

"I'm glad he's coming back - Esme has been so distraught since he left, always putting off worry, disappointment, sadness. She's not very pleasant to be around. None of us are really - you're always anxious, especially right after Edward calls. Emmett shifts from silently brooding to being completely lust-filled for Rosalie. Carlisle worries. Rosalie is always grumpy because of everyone else's unhappiness… The Cullens are not a very pleasant bunch."

I thought about what Jasper said. I knew he struggled with his talent. It was hard for him to feel so much downtrodden emotion. I wondered why he didn't lighten the atmosphere from time to time but then again, he rarely used his talents on our family.

"You're - worried - aren't you? About Edward's reaction to being around you again?" I asked. It took Jasper a few moments to finally nod.

"This is all my fault," he admitted. I didn't say anything for a moment. I knew he blamed himself but we had never talked about it in any real capacity. Jasper preferred to keep these kinds of thoughts to himself.

"Jasper, don't blame yourself. What happened in September was an accident. We can't help what we are," I tried to comfort him.

"If I'd have had better control…, Edward was furious at me after…" I stood and went to Jasper, settling myself in his lap.

"Don't Jazz. Edward is coming home. All of this is coming to an end. Things will be right soon enough." Jasper raised his eyebrow at me.

"You talk as if this is something you've - seen," Jasper hinted, trying to find out what I saw happening in the future without outright asking. I wished I could tell him what he wanted to hear. I sighed.

"I haven't exactly 'seen' anything past Edward coming home. He's very indecisive. All of his thoughts are jumbled up. Even ten minutes away from arriving home he has no idea what he's going to do. The only thing for certain is that he's going to go after Victoria. His reactions to us, what will happen with Bella, that's all up in the air still."

Jasper sighed and rubbed his face.

"I'm worried about Edward's reaction to me," he said again. I tried to see what it would be. Again, I was meant with indecision.

"He doesn't know himself," I told Jasper, running my fingers through his hair. I kissed him lightly.

A vision of a sleek black, high powered BMW turning into our driveway flashed in front of my eyes. I kissed Jasper one more time and jumped up.

"Come on," I said, offering him my hand. "Edward's coming down the driveway."


	8. Home

**I am a fan of this chapter. Like, a really big fan. I apologize for not getting it up sooner - I got contacts yesterday morning and it's been quite an adjustment. It's amazing really, how easy it was to put them in while in my mom's office compared to this morning. It only took 45 minutes! I'm still getting use to the prescription though so I'm afraid this chapter isn't as closely edited as previous ones. I usually read through each chapter 3 times but this one only got 2. Please let me know what you think of it - I would love some more reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and this, while based on New Moon, does not follow New Moon. It's, as one of my reviewers put it and I liked it as it described this story near perfectly, a 'what-if' version of New Moon. **

**Please read and review! **

**- Sarah**

**Edward's POV**

Alice knew I was in the driveway.

_Use the far left garage door, _she instructed me with her thoughts. _We left a spot open for you. _

I wish I could feel as excited as her about being back in Forks. Instead, my insides squirmed. I felt nauseous. If I were human, I would have vomited by now. I hadn't hunted in quite a few days and I wondered, if I'd been freshly fed, if something would have come up.

Bella was merely a handful of miles away. I could get out of my car and run to her in minutes. I could pull her into my arms and hold her, not let her go until she forgave me for leaving her. Hell, I wouldn't let her go then. If I went to Bella now, I knew, I would never leave her side again. It sounded like a good plan. My hand twitched to leave the steering wheel and open my door.

_No, _I reminded myself. _I left Bella so she'd be safe. I'm going to get rid of Victoria and then take off again. But the werewolves… I'll do something about them as well. I'll ensure her safety before I leave again…_

I maneuvered my car around a bend in the driveway. There it was. The Forks mansion, lights shining from nearly every window.

A flood of emotions coursed through me. Happiness. Anxiety. Delight. Sadness. Fear. Hope. Hopelessness. Desire. Nervous. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and focused on getting to the garage, wondering if Alice had considered the fact that I no longer had a remote to open the garage door. I had left it in my Volvo which I had left behind in Forks six and a half months ago.

The garage door opened as I approached it. Of course she had seen my predicament. My dead heart leapt at the sight of my sister leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I was surprised at just how happy I was to see her again.

_Oh Edward, _she thought, _it's about time you came back._

"It's just until Victoria - and the wolves - are taken care of," I said, stepping out of the car once it rolled to a stop. Alice rolled her eyes and pushed off the wall. She held her arms out to me.

"Alice," I said, taking her into my arms and hugging her fiercely. She returned my hug just as fierce. I had expected to be pummeled with visions of Bella when I reunited with Alice. Instead, Alice was concentrated solely on welcoming me home. She pulled away after several long moments and eyed me critically. I listened to her scrutiny of me in her head and hoped that would be enough for her. Naturally, it wasn't.

"You look like crap," she announced. "And you need to hunt. Emmett and Jasper are going tomorrow. You'll go with them. Showering would be an excellent activity to engage in soon as well."

I rolled my eyes and went back to my car to retrieve my bag.

"Nice work on the car," I complimented. Alice waved her hand.

"Don't get too attached - it's a loaner. Your Volvo is in it's usual spot as is your Ashton Martin."

I glanced over the line of cars and sure enough, there was my Volvo, the Ashton Martin a few spots down, covered as usual with it's gray cover.

"This isn't permanent Alice," I reminded her.

"You say that now," Alice sang out, heading towards the house. I shook my head, ignoring the visions of our family enjoying a happy life in Forks for the next couple of years. Alice was a dreamer if there ever was one. I took a deep breath and followed her.

We entered the house through the kitchen. Alice danced through the room, across the hall and into the living room where I everyone else was waiting. I stopped to collect myself, dropping my bag on the kitchen table.

Everything about the house was familiar, comforting. Being here, it felt right. It also felt claustrophobic. It reminded me of what was, what could have been, what would never be. I didn't know how long I could stay here without going absolutely crazy, how long I could be this close to Bella without coming undone. I took the chance to listen in on the quiet room just across the hall from me.

_It's even worse in person… _Alice.

_Oh for crying out loud! He's the fastest of us all and yet it's taking him ages to simply walk across the hall! Come on already! _Emmett_._

_Be nice… Be nice… Be nice… _Rosalie

_I'm sorry Edward… So sorry… _Jasper

_He's here. He's actually here. Oh thank God. Please let him stay with us, let him let us - let me - help him through this. _Esme.

_It's okay son. I've spoken with them. They won't pounce - at least not tonight. Just come say hello, give Esme a chance to hug you. Then you can retire to your room if you wish. _Carlisle.

I took another deep breath. Hug Esme, say a quick hello to the others… I could do that. They expected - deserved - that much. My feet shuffled slowly in front of one another, leaving the kitchen and crossing the hallway. The entrance to the living room came too soon. I had no idea where the strength to walk through it came from.

At first, all was silent. I looked around, meeting each set of eyes, Alice's first - she gave me a reassuring smile - ending with Esme. Her eyes were filled with love, worry, compassion. I felt my composure start to crumble as I looked into my mother's eyes.

"Mom…"

That was all she could stand.

"Oh Edward!" she leapt to her feet and closed the gap between us, pulling me tightly to her. I held onto her just as tight, letting some of the vulnerability I tried so hard to keep hidden surface. I rested my head on her shoulder, seeking the comfort she knew I needed. She lovingly ran her hand through my hair and then kissed my cheek.

"You're home," she whispered low enough for only me to hear. I slightly nodded my head once against her shoulder. I knew we'd both be crying if we had the ability. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before pulling away from her. She held onto my face, studying me. Unlike Alice, I tuned out her thoughts as she looked me over. Her expression was enough to let me know she didn't like what she saw. I would hear about it later, I was sure.

It was time to greet the others. I removed Esme's hands from my facing, giving them a squeeze before I let them go and moved towards Emmett, purposely keeping Carlisle for last.

"Emmett," I greeted, offering my hand. A lopsided grin appeared on his face as he stood.

"Edward! Long time, no see brother!" He shook my hand and then did a quick, manly hug. I gave him a small, genuine smile, realizing I had missed him more than I'd thought. Begrudgingly, I turned to Rosalie, who, I scanned her thoughts, was still playing nice. She stood as I approached.

"Rose," I kissed her cheek.

"It's nice to see you Edward," she said, kissing me back on the opposite cheek.

It was Jasper's turn now. I could feel the tension building in the room as the others awaited our exchange. I myself didn't know what it would be. Some days I missed him. Others, I couldn't stand the mere thought of him.

_Please Edward, _came Alice's thoughts. _He's having a hard time with this too. Please, just tonight at least, be gracious. _

My mind was made up then. I flashed her a minute nod.

_Thank you, _she said, a vision of Jasper and I briefly shaking hands playing in her mind.

"Jasper," I greeted, working extra hard to keep his thoughts from mine. There was a high risk that I would change my mind if I listened in. I offered him my hand. Jasper eyed me warily and for a second, I thought he was going to refuse my hand. Then, just as in Alice's vision, he shook it briefly.

"Welcome back Edward," he drawled. He dropped my hand quickly and took a few steps towards Alice. The tension immediately eased though it didn't dissolve.

"Son," came Carlisle's voice. I turned to greet him.

"Dad."

Carlisle extended his hand to me. I bypassed it, surprising both of us when I went instead for a hug.

He wrapped his arms around me.

_It's going to be fine, _he soothed. _You're doing great. Go up to your room, get yourself together. We'll talk later. And please, consider a shower. _

I chuckled softly as I released him. A second request for me to shower. I must smell horrible. I turned to face the rest of my family.

"It's been a long trip. I'm going to go up to my room, freshen up. I'll see you all later," I told them. Esme came to Carlisle's side.

"Emmett and I put your things in your room. They're boxed up but clearly labeled," she said.

"Thank you," I told her with a nod. I took a couple of steps towards the door but returned to Esme.

"Goodnight mom," I whispered, hugging her again.

"Goodnight sweetheart," she whispered. She kissed my cheek again before she let me go. I left the room then and waited until I was climbing the stairs from the second floor to the third to find out what they thought of me.

_Damn he looks rough. Wonder if a few goes on the Wii will cheer him up? Especially now that Carlisle and I figured out how to program the controllers so they're less sensitive to our strength… _

I almost smiled. That was what I loved about Emmett - even the worst situations had the simplest solutions in his mind.

_He looks bad. Poor guy… _

Rosalie's thoughts surprised me. Maybe she did at least partially care about someone besides herself and Emmett.

_He hates me… All those emotions…_

I snorted, my feelings towards Jasper shifting from neutral to dislike.

_Oh Bella, don't do that! He's here, you're safe…_

I stopped listening in on Alice almost as soon as I started. I didn't see what she must have seen seconds before I eavesdropped on her and for that I was thankful.

_This is even worse then Alice told me. He needs Bella. Physically needs her. There has got to be a way to get him to see that. But I won't pressure him…_

I sighed. Esme didn't need to find a way to show me I needed Bella. I already knew that with every fiber of my being.

_Stop listening in son. Go to your room, clean up, spend some time in comfort. We will talk in the morning._

Carlisle's resolve to have a chat with me was strong. It was a chat I wasn't exactly looking forward to. He wanted to chat about Victoria and the werewolves, about the last six months, about Bella. Maybe I could put it off by hunting tomorrow though I didn't really want to go with Jasper and Emmett. Emmett I could stand. Jasper ran the risk of being the hunted, depending on my mood.

I was at my room now. My hand paused on the doorknob. Memories rushed through my head - Bella, exploring my room for the first time. Bella, lounging comfortably on my sofa, reading a copy of _Wuthering Heights. _Bella, humming along with her lullaby. I pushed them out of my mind and forced myself to open the door.

I wasn't prepared for the sight. I hadn't packed my things when I'd left and for some reason, had expected everything to be exactly the same. Fittingly, nothing was. My shelves were empty, the thick curtains that had covered my walls missing. The closet door was open, revealing it's empty racks. Boxes were stacked haphazardly around the room. My sofa was shoved against the wall opposite the wall of glass.

Sighing heavily, I closed the door behind me. Not wanting to stop and allow the night's events to catch up with me, I located the boxes containing my clothes and stepped into the adjoining bathroom. I focused on the hot water cascading over my icy body, trying to recall the last time I had showered. I hated to admit that it had been a while.

I stepped into my outfit, a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt. The outfit was far from my usual but it was comfortable. I needed comfort now. I didn't bother combing my hair. It would be a sight when it dried but I would deal with it then.

I fell onto my sofa and then and finally let the night catch up with me. I was home. I could call out for a family member and they would be there within seconds. I was surrounded by my things again, even if they were in boxes. And my Bella… She was mere miles away, easily reachable. The elation of being home built up inside of me - then crashed.

I couldn't stay here, regardless of how good it felt. None of us could. I didn't know why they had bothered unpacking. Truthfully, I didn't even know why they were here. This thing with Victoria - that was my battle, not theirs. And Bella, I couldn't go near her. She couldn't know I was in the same state, let alone the same town. God how I wanted to hold her again!

I rolled over on my stomach and buried my face in the cushions, taking a page out of Alice's book and reciting the Koran in an effort to drown out both the thoughts buzzing in my mind - both mine and my family's - and the feelings battling in my chest.


	9. Changes

-1**This is Bella's last 'unimportant' chapter! She's been sort of the filler chapters for a while now but that's about to change. The next two updates are done as well but I need to edit those and do some tweaking to get them just right so look for those as soon as late tonight, no later than tomorrow!**

**Thank you too for the reviews - please keep them coming! **

**J**

**Bella's POV**

It seemed as though spent my days between bed, school and the kitchen with the occasional visit to La Push thrown in for good measure. It was monotonous but it was comfortable so I didn't bother with changing it up much. Currently, I was in my bed, lying on my side, staring out the window. I was ashamed to admit that I was still half-hoping Edward would appear.

Something had changed. I had no idea what it was but I could sense it. Jacob knew what it was and he was lying to me, of that I was sure. He was distant. Well, not distant per se. He was around just as much as before. But he knew something, something he wasn't telling me and was avoiding telling me at all costs.

I lived in fear as to what that something was. The last update he'd given me was that Victoria was at the Cullen mansion, searching it for reasons that, as far as I knew, were yet unknown. Then Sam had heard something from Jared when he'd phased after the funeral and I'd been kept in the dark ever since.

Was Victoria nearby? Had she taken up residence in the Cullen's empty home? Had she harmed one of them? Did she have a plan to get to me that the werewolves were currently plotting to intervene?

I pulled my quilt tighter around me and burrowed deeper into my pillow, almost as if I was trying to hide away from the world. Fear of the unknown and the loneliness that came along with twilight nearly overwhelmed me.

Nights were the hardest. I had loved nightfall when I had been with Edward. Lying in his arms, enjoying the cool sensation of his skin, his soft kisses floating over my face was the closest thing to heaven on earth I could think of. I missed the hum of my lullaby, the way he darted to my closet when Charlie stopped by to check in on me. I missed knowing he would protect me with everything he had while I slept. It wasn't that I doubted the wolves exactly, it was more that I felt safer with Edward.

I closed my eyes and focused on sleep. Sleep would either be a peaceful event or a nightmare. I hadn't spent time with Jacob today so nightmare was the likely scenario. It took nearly an hour for me to finally drift off.

A cool breeze hit me. I pulled my quilt even tighter. My floorboards creaked. I froze. They creaked again. Once more. Someone was in my room. Someone who had come in through the window. I squeezed my eyes shut praying it was a dream.

They were hovering over my bed now. It was Victoria. I had no doubt. She was here to finish me off, to exact her revenge. How had she gotten past the werewolves? Oh god, she probably killed them too…

A cold finger touched my hair, lifted a strand, wrapped it around their finger and let it unravel itself and fall back into place. They did it again. I squeezed my eyes still tighter and resisted the urge to run. If I stayed perfectly still, maybe she'd finish the job quickly and leave Charlie alone.

The bed moaned as the cold figure sat down on the edge. They spun their body so their legs were now on the bed as well. Then they laid down beside me. Great. Victoria wanted to cuddle before she killed me. An icy arm wrapped itself around me.

"Bella…"

My eyes flew open. It couldn't be…

"Bella, please forgive me."

I rolled over quickly, the cold arm around me loosening just enough for me to move.

"Edward!" I gasped.

"Bella." He leaned in to kiss me.

I woke up with a start, sitting upright in bed. I focused on slowing my breathing. _It was a dream, _I reminded myself. _Just a dream. _

I needed to know what was going on, what had changed. My dreams about Edward had changed recently and instinctively I knew they had to do with whatever it was that the werewolves knew that I didn't. I devised a plan to find out what it was while I lay in the dark, trying to fall back asleep, reminding myself that Edward was no where near Forks and even farther away from me.

The next morning, I was thrilled to come downstairs and find Charlie already gone. I dressed for school, bypassing breakfast, and jumped in my truck. I went over the finer points of my plan as I drove towards the school, anxious to get the day over with.

I was almost in a good mood as I sat at one of three stoplights in town, tapping on my steering wheel to the sound of my rumbling engine. A flash of white near the woods drew my eye. I whipped my head around, not surprised at seeing nothing there. I was pretty good at imagining things these days.

School went by fast enough. I rushed out to the parking lot and quickly got in my truck. I managed to get out of the parking lot before the afternoon traffic jam started and headed towards La Push, pushing my truck to it's limit. Jacob Black was going to answer my questions.

I pulled up to Billy's house, not even sure if Jacob was home. His Rabbit was in the driveway but that didn't mean much these days.

Billy was opening the door before I got to the porch.

"Hi Billy!" I greeted, my voice purposefully cheerful to keep for giving myself away. "Jacob around?"

"He's in his garage," Billy answered, looking at me skeptically. "Head on back there."

"Thanks!" I answered, ducking around the house. I heard tools banging around in the garage before I walked through the door.

"Hey Jake!" I greeted, appearing in the doorway. He was bent over the engine of an older model ford. He dropped his wrench in surprise and it clattered through the engine compartment and hit the ground below.

"Damn Bella! Scare me to death why don't you?" Jacob stooped down to reach his wrench then reappeared.

"Me, a defenseless girl, scared a big, bad werewolf. I should write that down on a calendar somewhere," I teased.

"Funny Bella," Jacob retorted. He went back to working on the car.

"Who's car?" I asked, sitting down on a folding chair Jacob had brought into the garage for my benefit.

"Our neighbor's. He needs a new alternator," Jacob answered.

"Is that something easy to fix?" I continued questioning. Jacob looked at me skeptically.

"Easy enough - if you know what you're doing," he answered.

"Well that's good to know - in case my truck ever needs it's alternator replaced. Is that an expensive part?"

Jacob put the wrench down with a sigh and leaned against the car, his arms folded across his chest.

"What do you want Bella?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Can't I stop by and see a friend?" I asked.

"If that _friend_ wasn't protecting you from bloodthirsty vampire I might buy that," Jacob said, throwing my words from his last visit to my house back at me.

"Fine," I growled. I stood up and put my hands on my hip in an effort to look tougher than I felt. Jacob was a _lot_ bigger than me these days.

"What's going on Jacob? What happened at Harry's funeral the other day? Why did Sam get Emily to cart me off to Sue's house? And don't try to get out of answering. I'm not leaving here until I know what's going on!"

Jacob studied me. I tried to look tough.

"Nothing happened at Harry's funeral," he said, turning back to the car.

"Yes it did!" I argued. "I was there!"

"Which means you should know as well as I do that nothing happened at the funeral."

"Something happened…"

Jacob sighed and put his wrench down again. He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I didn't shrug him off. I wanted to but I also wanted to keep Jacob on my good side.

"Bella, think about it. If something had happened, you would have known about it. Not only were you there but Charlie - the chief of police, Charlie, who is also your father, Charlie - was there. So if something would have happened at Harry's friend's funeral, you would have heard about it," Jacob explained.

"Jared told Sam something. And I want you to tell me what it was," I demanded.

"I would if there was anything to tell…"

"Jake!"

"Bella!" Jake was getting angry. He pulled his arm from around my shoulders. "What Jared passed along to Sam is of no importance to you! If it was, I'd tell you, just like I told you when the she-leech was roaming around _his _house."

"I don't buy it And you just admitted that Jared did tell Sam something!"

I stood my ground. That had been my plan anyways. I realized now that the plan I had spent much of the night before coming up with wasn't much of a plan at all. I'd decided to leave for La Push after school, pretend to be there on a friendly visit, and then question Jacob until he gave in and told me what I wanted to know. I was failing miserably.

"Bella," Jacob sighed. "Please, don't worry about what did or didn't happen at Harry's funeral. I can promise you two things. Nothing happened _at _Harry's funeral and nothing new has happened with Victoria. We haven't even picked up a trace of her scent in the last several days. Anything else doesn't concern you."

"Fine, nothing happened at Harry's funeral," I agreed. "But you didn't answer my other questions - what's going on and why did Sam get Emily to haul me off to Sue's?"

"It's wolf stuff Bella, nothing that concerns you," Jacob said.

"'Wolf stuff' generally means 'vampire stuff' which is usually somehow related to me. Tell me Jake!" My voice went up an octave on the 'tell me' part.

Jacob leaned on the car again, thinking. I waited. Sam had probably given the order to keep whatever it was a secret, leaving Jacob to have to figure out a way to either lie to me or tell me the truth without actually telling me. Finally, he pushed himself off the car.

"Bells, we're friends, right?" he asked.

"You're my best friend Jake," I reminded him, taking a step towards him.

"Then I need you, as my friend, to let this go, okay? What Jared told Sam, it's not something that you need to concern yourself with, I promise. Just trust that me and the pack will do anything to protect you. You're safe with us here Bella - safe from everything and everyone."

I could only nod, touched by Jacob's words.

"Now, not that I'm trying to rush you off or anything but I need to get a new alternator in this thing and I'm on duty tonight so…," Jacob hinted.

"I guess I should get going," I agreed. "I have homework to do, Charlie's dinner to fix."

Jacob walked me to my truck.

"Drive safe Bells," he said, shutting my door.

"Bye Jake."

I started my truck with a roar and backed out of his driveway. I turned to wave a goodbye to him but he had already disappeared. I focused on the drive back to Forks, Jacob's words, 'safe from everything', rattling around in the back of my head.


	10. Stranger

**I am so sorry I haven't posted this sooner! The holidays are so busy - Christmas started on the 23rd and ended on the 26th! - and I've had a terrible head and chest cold so I haven't had the chance to sit down and get these updates posted. To make up for it, I'm going to post 3 (3!) tonight. This one now and the other two once I go through a final edit. **

**Thank you to each of you who have reviewed! You've all been so nice! Please please keep the reviews coming! And if this chapter makes you cry, I apologize. It is a little heart wrenching, seeing Edward like this. **

**Happy New Year's!**

**Alice's POV**

I casually strolled into the kitchen, trying to look as though I were merely passing through. Esme was sitting at the table, working on a number of flower arrangements.

"Hello Alice," she greeted. She sounded happy.

"Hey Esme," I replied, looking over her arrangements. "Those look beautiful."

"Thank you dear. I thought the house could use some color. I went a little overboard while I was out cutting flowers though so you'll be seeing flower arrangements in your daydreams by the time I get all of these finished and placed around the house."

I smiled. Esme overjoyed at having Edward back with us. Her own happiness had distracted her while out in the gardens earlier, salvaging the plants that had returned to life without her loving care while cleaning out the weeds to make space for the new flowers I saw her adding in the next couple of days.

I spied the object that had brought me to the kitchen. It had been moved from the table to the counter, no doubt by Esme to make room for her floral work.

"Someone should take Edward's bag upstairs," I mentioned, gliding over to it.

"I'm not sure if Edward wants to be bothered right now Alice," Esme cautioned. She stuck a yellow tulip into her arrangement while she peered at me with knowing eyes.

I picked up the bag.

"It's okay," I told her. "He'll let me in." Esme opened her mouth to protest but I was already out the door and heading up the first flight of stairs. I double checked my vision, making sure Edward would still let me in. He would. Good.

_Edward, I'm coming up, _I warned him as I started up the second flight of stairs. Carlisle had asked us - Esme and I in particular - to give Edward some space after his arrival last night. He'd had eight hours to hide away in his room now. I considered Carlisle's wishes good and honored, especially since Carlisle himself was going to be requesting an audience with Edward in about half an hour.

"Come in," called Edward just as started to raise my hand to knock. I smiled slightly. I'd missed these near silent conversations I could only have with my brother.

I let myself in, shutting the door behind me. I frowned at the sight of Edward laying on his sofa, just as he had been when I'd checked on him with my visions a few hours ago. Curtains were drawn over the glass wall, keeping the gray light of the morning from filtering in. Edward really needed to stop this whole living in the dark thing, I decided. He was starting to make us stereotypical.

"I brought your bag up," I told him, dropping it just inside the door before folding myself onto the floor in front of his sofa.

"Thanks," he replied, rolling onto his back. He threw an arm over his eyes. My frown deepened.

"I see you're all settled in," I stated, glancing around the room at the stacked boxes and bare shelves.

"There's no use in unpacking. I won't be here long. Neither will the rest of you," Edward said bluntly.

"I don't see us moving away from here," I argued.

"That's because, right now, everyone is set on making this place our home again. Once this is all over with and I've talked with Carlisle, the decision to leave this place will be made," he shot back.

I rolled my eyes. He could be so damn difficult.

"We're staying here," I said firmly. "And you should stay here as well. With us."

"I'm not going to argue about this."

"You're right, because there's nothing to argue about."

"And to think I'd missed you…" Edward muttered.

I grinned.

"I missed you too big brother," I replied truthfully. "Even if I think you are a complete and utter fool for the decisions you've made sense September, I have missed having you around."

Edward didn't reply. He sighed heavily, rubbed his face roughly, then covered his face with his arm again. I watched him for a while, my frown growing ever deeper. I couldn't stand seeing him like this, so void of life.

"This has to stop Edward," I informed him. He sighed.

"Alice, please don't do this," he moaned.

"Why not Edward? For one, you can't expect to come back to our family and not have someone question this depression you're in. And second, no one else - least of all you - has made an effort to end this suffering of yours. The way I look at it, I may as well be the one to step up to the plate," I said anyways.

"I know of two ways to end my suffering. One of them isn't going to happen and the other is damn near impossible so I'm stuck. You and the rest of the family, you don't need to worry about any depression or suffering I may be enduring," Edward said firmly.

I replayed Edward's words in my head a couple of times. I shivered when the meaning behind them became clear

"Edward, do you realize what you just said?" I asked, horrified.

"That I'll never be with Bella again - the impossible option - and that dying, while damn near impossible, is the only other option I see for myself? Then yes, I realize what I just said."

I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat. He said it so casually, as if he had been discussing the weather. This was clearly something he'd been thinking on for quite some time.

"Edward…"

I didn't know what to say. This person, lying dejectedly in front of me, was not my brother.

"Please tell Emmett that I do not appreciate him checking up on Bella," Edward spoke suddenly, his voice sharp.

"That wasn't completely intentional. He went out for a short hunt out of boredom and happened to be in the patch of woods next to where Bella stopped her truck. He didn't alert her to our presence, abiding by your wishes," I said, defending Emmett. It had been an honest coincidence. This time.

"All the same, stay away," Edward said firmly. "I don't know why you all are here anyways. I don't _need_ you all here. I'm going to seek out Victoria, destroy her, and then leave again."

"We're here because we're a family Edward. We're _your _family. And you needus more now than you ever have," I argued.

"Alice, please," Edward said, once again trying to get me to stop.

"Please what?" I challenged. "Please go away? Please leave you alone to wallow in self pity? Please allow you to continue plotting your demise? I don't think so Edward."

Edward sat up the sofa then.

"You don't know what it's been like!" he snapped.

"I have an idea!" I snapped back. "I can see you, remember Edward? I've gotten to see you curled up in tight balls in the attics of Brazil and basements of Columbia! I've gotten to see you break down into tearless sobs when the urge to hold Bella is so strong it overwhelms you! And what's more, I've had a front row seat to watch what this has done to Bella! It's pushed her into the arms of a werewolf for crying out loud! If all of this - misery - is meant to keep her safe then why in the hell is she in so much danger now?"

I was breathing hard, torn between fury and pity for my brother. I watched and waited for him to respond. Several minutes of silence passed, him thinking, me waiting.

"I told you not to watch her - or me," he finally said, his voice even but angry.

"Edward, I saw how Bella would react when you made the decision to leave her. I couldn't not check on her from time to time," I explained. "She was - is - my friend too. My best friend. It was bad enough knowing she would suffer. I couldn't sit around, wondering if she was starting to get better, move on. And as for you, well, when _you_ don't call for weeks and weeks, people get worried."

Edward's anger had diminished considerably now. Sadness was the dominate emotion visible across his face.

"I should have called more," he admitted, his too black eyes shifting to look at the patch of carpet next to me.

"Yeah, you should have," I agreed.

He fell back into silence. I waited, able to see without my visions that he was debating on whether to talk about what was on his mind. We sat together in silence for several long minutes.

"Is she okay?" Edward finally asked quietly. "I mean, besides the werewolves and Victoria?"

It was my turn to hesitate then. I had two options: tell the truth or lie. I could tell Edward wasn't reading my mind - he wanted me to tell him myself, possibly even hoping I would lie to him, tell him Bella was just fabulous. I briefly considered the lying route, considering his current state, but thought better of it. He needed to know, especially if there was a chance it would steer him back to Bella.

"No, she's not okay," I told him. "She's better at pretending to be okay than you are though. She goes to school, takes care of Charlie, does her homework. She makes an effort to be okay every single day and it takes all of her strength to put forth that effort. It isn't until she's alone in her room that she lets her feelings show. The first few months were especially bad. She didn't talk much - didn't do much of anything at all really."

Edward stared at the carpet, listening.

"I know we don't - get along - with the werewolves, but Jacob Black has been her saving grace. He saved Bella from herself. I can't read him - I can't read any of the werewolves - but Bella relies on him. He's become her best friend, her confidant of sorts.

"She doesn't sleep well, hasn't since you left. She thinks her bed is too warm without you in it. She has bad dreams, nightmares actually. She wakes up screaming. She doesn't do it as often now but it still happens a couple of times a week. At first Charlie would run to her side, comfort her the best he could. Now he just lets her be - he knows nothing will help. Well, almost nothing," I ended pointedly.

"Bella," Edward whispered so low only a vampire would hear him. His hand went to his chest, his other arm wrapping around his stomach. He closed his eyes. I heard the quiet sobs coming from his chest. I got up and sat beside him on the sofa. I put an arm around his hunched shoulders, trying to comfort him, knowing it was useless.

"She's suffering too Edward," I said softly. "You both are. How on earth is this right? Add Victoria and the wolves to the mix and I just can't understand your logic here, not anymore."

"She'll be okay," Edward said, trying but failing to sound sure.

"She will," I agreed. "When you stop being so damn noble or whatever it is you call yourself and go beg for Bella to take you back."

Edward pulled away from me, sliding to the far end of the sofa.

"Alice, I know you miss Bella. God knows I know that. But you have to stop. This is what's best. Bella will go on to live a normal life, a human life - in time. Victoria and the wolves - they are merely setbacks. I'll take care of them and then leave Bella, this time for good."

The determination in Edward's voice was unshakeable.

"Then what about you?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

"I don't know," Edward replied and I knew he was telling the truth - I would have seen the answer if he knew. "Volterramaybe."

I gasped.

"Edward, no!"

"Once she's safe, there's nothing else left for me," he replied, now void of emotion.

"That's not true Edward…"

"It is true Alice! Bella is, and forever will be, the very essence of my being. I used to think I could get by, live on knowing she was out there, alive and well. But I've come to realize that knowing she's somewhere I'm not, living and breathing and going about her life, is even harder. I can't live with that, not anymore."

"Go to her Edward. Tell her what you just told me. Tell her why you really left her, that you have never stopped - and never will stop - loving her. Get on your knees and beg for her to take you back. Then spend the rest of eternity making this up to her," I urged.

Edward sat up straighter on the sofa. I got excited for the briefest second that he was going to listen to me, then I glimpsed the future and was sorely disappointed.

"Carlisle wants to see me," he told me, making a move to stand. I knew Carlisle had called out to him with his thoughts. "I should change into something more my usual before I go to his office."

And that was my cue to leave.

"Edward, I love you," I said, standing as well. I reached to hug him. He barely put an arm around me to hug me back.

"Love you too," he said, moving towards a box marked 'Edward's jeans'.

I left Edward's room, feeling defeated. My brother was gone. In his place was a stranger considering suicide. My visions of him during his time away were bad. I had thought I had known what to expect. I had been completely wrong, completely and utterly unprepared for this.

The idea hit me so fast I barely had time to start reciting Shakespeare to keep Edward from hearing. He wouldn't be happy with me, not at all, and the chain of events this would likely set off were detrimental. But it was the only way I saw and as far as I could tell, it was Edward's last chance.


	11. Outrun

**Here's two of tonight's three updates to make up for my few days without updating! This one was hard to write - lots of emotions, lots of dynamics. I hope I did it justice. I rewrote it three separate times! Please let me know what you think!**

**Edward's POV**

I walked slowly towards Carlisle's office, not particularly looking forward to our impending chat. I had known it was coming of course - he had mentioned it twice when I'd arrived hours earlier and I'd heard it in his thoughts the few times I had browsed through the house while lying upstairs.

I had known a conversation - confrontation may have been the better word - with Alice would be coming as well. She and I had always had a close relationship and I knew she missed me and worried about me immensely. She had also been extremely close to Bella and, with Jasper's role in the matter, she was having her own problems with the situation. And of course, our conversation had been intense.

I had tried tapping into her thoughts when she'd left, certain she was heading straight to Carlisle to tell him I was not only depressed but contemplating a trip to Italy. She had been reciting _Romeo and Juliet. _I had to admit, it was a fitting choice of Shakespeare to keep me out of her head, and it fueled my suspicion that she had left my room and headed straight for Carlisle.

When I reached Carlisle's office, the door was closed. I tapped on it, expecting Alice to be on the other side when it opened.

_Come in Edward, _Carlisle called with his thoughts. I let myself in. There was no Alice but that didn't mean she hadn't been there. I searched Carlisle's thoughts for clues to her presence but found none. He wanted to discuss Victoria, the werewolves, myself, and Bella - in that order. Great. I started running over ways to get out of his office before the myself and Bella parts of this talk got underway.

_Have a seat. _

So this was going to be a mostly silent conversation.

"Did you have a peaceful night?"

Or not.

"For a while," I answered. "Then Alice decided I'd had enough peace for the time being."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head slightly.

"That's my Alice," he said fondly. "I suppose she decided my 'give Edward space' quota had been met."

"Yeah," I agreed nonchalantly. _That's Alice, always voicing her opinion on what's best, what's right… _I was so focused on my mental reaming of Alice - and hoping she saw it - that I missed Carlisle's thought process change, something I was sure was deliberate.

"How are you Edward?" he asked. "Please answer honestly. I have an appointment to get to in an hour and I don't want to waste the time trying to sort fact from fiction."

I started at Carlisle's question. If I lied, he would catch me. I was a skilled liar and yet Carlisle seemed to see through the lies his children tried to tell him as though they were transparent. The truth was my only option, especially since Alice already knew at least some of it. This was great - this same painful conversation, twice within the hour.

"I've been better," I answered carefully. I planned to share the least amount of information I could get away with. "The last several months have been difficult, to say the least."

_You're going to do this the hard way then, _Carlisle thought. I squirmed in my chair like a child sent to the principle's office.

"Where have you been since you left here?" he asked me. He gazed at me expectantly.

"Tracking Victoria," I answered automatically. I watched Carlisle almost smirk.

"Well it certainly seem as though we've finally found the one thing you aren't good at," he stated. I let a small smile slip across my lips.

"I was - am - terrible at it," I confessed.

"We'll get to Victoria in a minute though," he said, refocusing. "Back to my question. Where were you?"

I took a deep breath.

"All over," I answered truthfully. "I was living as a nomad, tracking Victoria when I got a lead on her, stopping over occasionally for a shower and a change of clothes. I was in Columbia when you called, Brazil before that. Texas. New Mexico. Arizona - Phoenix actually, that was pleasant. California."

"What - state - have you been in?" Carlisle pressed. I sighed. I could see in his thoughts that he at least had an idea.

"It's been - hard," I admitted. "Being without Bella, it's damn near impossible. I fight the urge every second of every day to go to her, beg her to take me back. Fighting it now, when she's so close… I'm terrified I'll give in to that urge."

"And why would giving in be so bad?" Carlisle continued.

"I'm a danger to her Carlisle! All of us are!" I spat, suddenly angry. "You remember her birthday. Even I wanted to attack her! She deserves to live a normal life, a life without a ravenous vampire for a boyfriend, his family waiting in the wings, just in case her blood is shed in front of them. And then she has that whole 'make me a vampire too' wish… She will eventually move on and forget all about us."

Carlisle was silent, sorting through his thoughts. I listened as he debated. He saw my logic but he also saw what my logic was doing to me.

"Edward, I understand your position. I do. But Bella has changed you and you know that with our kind, that change is permanent. Bella is a part of your very being now. You are a mere shadow of the person you were seven months ago. Frankly, it's hard to see you like this. And I can't imagine Bella doing any better with this than you are. Knowing what your wishes are, I would like to express mine. I would like for you to consider going to Bella, making amends, something I feel will go a long way for the both of you."

I sighed heavily and rubbed my face. Being asked to do the one thing I so desperately wanted to do twice in one day was testing my resolve.

"Carlisle, I can't…"

"Can't?" Carlisle interrupted. "Or won't?"

I sighed again.

"Won't," I answered truthfully, my heart twisting. "I made my decision. Now I have to suffer the consequences."

Carlisle shook his head. I could not only see his disappointment but hear it in his thoughts as well. It was one of the many times my gift was a curse.

"I suppose we should move on to Victoria and the werewolves then," he stated. I nodded, not quite able to meet his eyes. He wasn't happy with me and that hurt more than I would have liked it to.

"I'm not sure which are the biggest threat, Victoria or the wolves, but they will both be taken care of," I said. I felt the determination to secure Bella's safety brewing from somewhere deep within.

"I've thought on this. While the wolves are dangerous, based on the information I've put together, Victoria is the bigger threat, especially as the wolves are protecting Bella."

"Protecting her now, mauling her later," I mumbled.

"Alice tells me Bella relies on the Black boy and that she counts the other members of the pack among her friends. I trust Bella's judgment…"

"Trust her judgment?" I interrupted with an explosion. "Bella willingly dated a vampire, hung out with his family. Her judgment as to what is and isn't dangerous is highly skewed!"

"Bella is also highly intuitive, Edward. She would sense if the wolves were a threat to her. She is aware of what they are capable of but feels safe with them. For me, that counts for something."

I traced a pattern on my thigh. Bella had also trusted that I was safe and look where that had gotten her.

"Alice is watching Victoria. She'll let us know when she's close again," I said in an effort to change the subject.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "What are your plans when we have a lead?"

"Intercept her and destroy her," I answered simply. It was the only option as far as I was concerned.

"By yourself?" Carlisle questioned.

"Of course."

"Victoria is vicious and has a knack for escaping. She won't be easily thwarted."

I knew this but it didn't matter.

"Carlisle, she's after Bella. I won't let her get away from me once I have the chance to stop her."

"You'll take your brothers with you when the time comes," Carlisle said firmly. "You of course will be given the chance to finish her off but you will have them as a source of backup."

"No," I argued. "This isn't their fight. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure why you all are here. This is my score to settle, not yours." I bothered me immensely that my entire family had returned to Forks. I had wanted to slip into town, finish Victoria and the wolves off, and leave again, completely undetected. With the seven of us here, it was impossible to hope we'd remain undetected, especially as it seemed Carlisle was already making appointments around town.

"We're here," Carlisle explained, "because you are our family. You are my son, Esme's son, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice's brother. That may not mean what it used to to you, but it still means something to us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer. Carlisle let his thoughts answer.

_You came home from Bella's, demanding that we leave for reasons that, to everyone but you, were completely irrational. We left, expecting you to come with us, but you took off on your own without so much as a backwards glance, nothing more on you than the clothes on your back and a cell phone and wallet in your pocket. You rarely called and when you did, you wouldn't speak to anyone other than Alice and would then have her lie for you… All of us have questioned, at some point or another, what we did wrong to make you turn your back on us._

I felt sick again. Carlisle was questioning my loyalty to my family. I had given him no reason not to, considering my actions. I had not only hurt Bella but hurt them. I realized just how selfish I had been as of late and felt my stomach knot even tighter than it usually was.

"My family means everything to me," I said quietly.

"Does it Edward?" Carlisle questioned.

"Of course it does!" I said sharply, too sharply.

"Esme and myself have worried about you day and night for months now. Esme has been downright distraught." I cringed as I watched a memory of Esme with her head on Carlisle's chest, tearlessly crying, wondering aloud why she had to endure the loss of another son.

"Emmett has missed his favorite brother, his friend. Rosalie has felt the void your absence has left. Alice has missed not only her brother and confidant but also Bella, the best friend she has ever had. And Jasper… Jasper and I have talked many times, attempting to work through the immense guilt he feels, the blame he has placed squarely on his shoulders. Quite honestly, the only thing keeping him with this family is Esme. He knows Alice would go with him if he ever decided to leave and he also knows what it would do to her if he too left and took Alice with him."

I didn't have anything to say. My life was one big disaster and I saw no way to fix it. Guilt piled on me as though someone was standing next to me with a shovel, steadily adding to the mountain that had already formed. Bella's unhappiness, my family's misery - it was me. All me.

"We have more to discuss," Carlisle said. "Victoria and the werewolves especially. But I have an appointment at the hospital to discuss my return and I don't want to be late, nor do I want you to attempt to give me all the reasons why I shouldn't be rebuilding our lives here. Please Edward, consider all of your options here - and a hunting trip as your eyes are blacker than I have ever seen them."

I was being dismissed without finishing our conversation. Carlisle was angry with me and needed time to regain his composure. I had rarely seen him angry period, let alone angry with me. It left me with a feeling I couldn't place, one that shook me to my already fragile core. I left his office quietly, pausing in the hall to decide where I was going.

"Hey Edward, want to play a few rounds of golf on the Wii?" came Emmett's voice. I turned to see him standing at the top of the stairs. He looked hopeful.

"I was just - heading out," I told him. "Maybe later?" Emmett's face fell, reminding me of what Carlisle had just said in his office about family.

"Oh, sure. Later," he said. He turned and lumbered down the stairs.

_Comes back… Doesn't even talk to us… Can't get him out of his room… _I squeezed my eyes shut to block Emmett's thoughts. They hurt too. Everything hurt.

I had to leave then, make my lie to Emmett the truth. I paused halfway down the stairs to get a feel for where everyone else was.

_Far too many flowers… What on earth possessed me… _Esme was still in the kitchen working on her arrangements, so that exit was out.

_I wonder what I'd look like with bangs? Not those sharp, blunt fringes but the long, sweeping ones… _Rosalie was tucked safely in her room, her mirror for company.

_Guess I'll just play by myself… _Emmett was in the living room. I could get by him without any problem - he already though I was leaving.

_What's in a name in which we call a rose… _Alice, absentmindedly starring out of her bedroom window.

_She's talked to Edward no doubt. It must not have went so well judging by the anxiety rolling off of her… _Jasper, situated at his desk, working on yet another model, worrying over Alice.

_Where did I put my keys? Esme will know. She'll want to know about Edward of course… _Carlisle was gathering his things in he and Esme's room, preparing to leave. I could safely make it out the front door.

I was down the stairs and through the door in a flash, running as fast as I could, no real direction in mind. I ran for quite a while, trying my damnedest to outrun Bella, my family, Forks, the disaster that was my life.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I came to an opening I recognized all too well. My meadow. Bella and I's meadow. The problems I'd tried to outrun caught up with me, slammed into me, letting me know they were still very much there.

Pain coursed through my body. I felt my muscles contracting, my stomach knotting up tighter and tighter. I swallowed past the large lump in my throat as I sank to my knees. I willed tears to fall, knowing they never would. I had no life, no reason at all for going on. I collapsed on the ground, giving myself over to my self-inflicted hell.


	12. Puzzle Pieces

**Here is three of three of tonight's update and where Bella's updates go from fillerish to more important. I did a lot of editing on this one so let me know what you think, just as always!**

**Thank you for taking the time to review!**

**Bella's POV**

Calculus was going to be the death of me. That was my conclusion to the intricate set of homework problems waiting in my backpack as I walked to my truck after school. Try as I may, I just couldn't seem to make the complex formulas and long strings of numbers conclude with the _right _number. If it weren't for homework and class work grades, I didn't want to know what my grade would be.

"Hey Bella!" Mike Newton called out.

I groaned before turning around, a fake smile plastered across my face.

"Hi Mike," I greeted casually. Mike jogged up to me, a huge grin on his face, sporting a short new haircut. I had overhead several girls mourning the loss of Mike's longer, messy locks. Personally, I was glad to see them gone. It was one less reminder of Edward.

"How did you do on that history test?" he asked. I sighed inwardly. He was leading up to something with the casual chitchat.

"Okay I guess," I answered. "I didn't study as much as I should of." Studying was rather difficult when you spent your days on edge, waiting for redheaded vampires to appear in your window.

"So, got any plans for the weekend?" he continued.

"Um…" He was talking again before I could give a good enough answer to avoid what I knew he was doing - asking me out.

"Because there's a party down in La Push this weekend, at First Beach and I was wondering if you would want to go?" He sounded hopeful.

"Sorry Mike," I said, raking my brain for an excuse to get out of a party I had no interest in attending. "I'd like to but…"

"But she'll be with me, shopping in Olympia."

I didn't dare turn around. That voice… It couldn't be. It had to be but it was impossible.

"Oh, um, Alice. Hi. I didn't know you were in town…," Mike stammered.

Holy crap. Alice. Alice Cullen. Here. In Forks. Here! What was going on? And was… No, I wouldn't go there. Alice was here. My Alice. I would focus on that fact and not worry about who else had came to town. I _couldn't _worry about that.

"Just got back," Alice said happily, wrapping an arm around my waist. I didn't dare look at her for fear she wasn't real.

"Oh, well, welcome back or whatever." Mike glanced at me. "Later Bella," he said before turning on his heel and walking off towards his Suburban.

"Bella!" Alice shrieked, pulling me into a tight hug. I reacted instantly, hugging her as tight as I possibly could, wishing I could hug her even tighter, inhaling her sweet scent.

"Alice!" I breathed when she released me. I stared at her, taking her in. She was there, in the school parking lot, beaming at me, looking as though she would absolutely burst with happiness.

"You're here! In Forks! How? I mean… You were in LA and now you're here…," I stammered. Alice rolled her eyes.

"I took an airplane Bella. You know, those large things that fly in the sky, get you from point A to point B much faster and often safer than a car ever could..."

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"You know what I mean," I told her.

"Well it's quite the story. I know you have the afternoon free so prepare yourself," Alice told me. I grinned. An afternoon with Alice. I could handle that. I hoped.

"Let's go to my place then," I suggested. "Charlie won't be home for a while yet, not that it would matter if he were - he adores you."

Alice made a face.

"We can't go to your house," she said. "Or at least I can't. Or rather, I shouldn't. I could if I had to I suppose... Anyways, that's part of the story. We need to go someplace public but that's quiet enough so we won't be overheard…" Alice trailed off as I raised an eyebrow. Again, I wondered, _what_ was going on?

"What about the little coffee shop near the police station?" I suggested, eager to both spend time with Alice and figure out why, exactly, she was here. "It's in the heart of town but it's quiet enough, save for the morning rush." Alice's eyes lit up.

"Perfect!" She exclaimed. She swept the parking lot with her eyes. "We'll take your truck. And Bella, may I recommend testing the truck's limits? If we leave right now and you push the truck to it's whole 55 miles per hour, we'll be able to time it so we avoid the stoplight just before the town square. We really can't afford to stop until we're safely inside."

She was already hurrying towards the passenger side of my truck. I took off after her, confused as ever. We had to be in public, we couldn't afford to stop between school and the coffee shop, Alice couldn't - shouldn't - come over to my house… Was this connected to Victoria? Or was Alice about to add something else to my already full plate of anxiety? Something told me her mere presence in Forks was a reason for me to be concerned.

The drive to the coffee shop was quick. Just as Alice had said, the traffic light near the town square had been green as we approached it. We barely spoke during the drive, Alice either ignoring me or saying 'later' to each of the questions I asked.

"Get inside Bella," Alice ordered as soon as I parked the truck. She was out the truck and scanning the parking lot before I even had the key out of the ignition.

"What's going on Alice?" I demanded for the tenth time since leaving the school.

"When we get inside," she replied. "And go to the counter and order two coffees - decaf for you - that way the waitress won't bother us for a while." I noticed her glance over her shoulder as we headed towards the shop's door.

I did as Alice said and ordered two coffees and a pastry for good measure, before joining her at a table in a corner that would allow us the privacy to talk.

"Now will you please tell me what's going on?" I asked, sliding her a cup of the coffee so she could play human. "What are you doing here?"

"You act like you aren't pleased to see me," Alice pouted. She took a fake sip of her coffee. I sighed.

"Alice, you know I'm thrilled to see you. Shocked to see you but thrilled nonetheless. But the whole 'I shouldn't go to your house, let's go somewhere public but quiet, order a couple coffees so the waitress will leave us alone for a while' thing makes me suspicious."

"Where to start…" Alice muttered in reply. I sipped my own coffee and waited. I cringed and reached for more sugar.

"Bella, you should know I'm not supposed to be here," Alice finally spoke. "You're not suppose to know any of us are here in Forks. Of course, those aren't my rules or even Carlisle's for that matter, but the fact is, you aren't suppose to know the Cullens are back. No one is."

"What?" I asked, surprised. "Why?" I couldn't help but focus on the word 'Cullens', as in, more than one Cullen. Did that mean…? I tried to force down the bag of emotions swelling up in the pit of my stomach.

Alice sighed heavily. She looked distressed. She muttered something that sounded like 'he's going to kill me' but I couldn't be sure.

"What is it Alice? Why aren't I suppose to know you're back?" I promoted.

"Oh what the hell," Alice stated, mostly to herself. "He's already going to skin me alive, may as well deserve it."

"Alice…"

"Edward doesn't want you to know we're here," she admitted. "It's all part of his not so brilliant plan. According to him, us sitting here in the heart of Forks, seemingly enjoying two cups of coffee, is a hazard to your health."

My head swarmed. Edward wanted to keep their presence, whoever 'they' were, away from me. He thought Alice was a hazard to my health. I didn't understand.

"Alice," I asked carefully. "Which Cullens are here?"

"All of us," she answered. "Except Edward," she added hastily - too hastily. I narrowed my eyes at her, sensing the lie.

"Fine," she groaned. She stirred her coffee, looking more and more distressed by the minute. "Technically, he's here. At least someone who looks like Edward is here."

My stomach flip-flopped while my heart ceased beating. Edward, my Edward, was here, in Forks. He was merely miles away from me. If I wanted to, if I were brave enough, I could drive up to the Cullen mansion and possibly be able to see him, talk to him. Then, just as it restarted, my heart fell. He didn't want me to know he was there. Nothing had changed. The reunion fantasies that had already started forming in my mind died. I tried to fight back the tears threatening my eyes.

"Bella, there's so much you need to know," Alice said, reaching an icy hand across the table to cover mine. "Most importantly, that Edward loves you. He loves you so very much."

"No," I interrupted brusquely. "He doesn't." A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Oh Bella! Please don't cry! That's why I'm here, to bring the hell you and Edward have been through over the last several months to an end. It's not going to be easy and there's going to be hell to pay when Edward finds out I've talked to you but I don't know what else to do!"

I noted the exasperation in Alice's voice and then realized her face had twisted into one of panic and worry.

"Alice, what - exactly - is going on? Tell me now!" I demanded, my own worry building.

"Bella, it's awful!" Alice exclaimed. An outsider would have found her reaction dramatic. I found it frighteningly realistic, despite Alice's tendency to be theatrical.

"Edward is depressed, manically so. The entire family is miserable. Emmett plays video games all day, Rosalie mopes around because we're all brooding. Carlisle worries, Esme worries, and Jasper! Jasper builds model airplanes! Airplane after airplane, model after model. If I'm lucky, it's a battleship! And then I get to see all the visions of where Edward is, what he's doing, and worse, how he's doing. I can't take it anymore!"

If my head hadn't been spinning before, it was spinning now. Edward depressed, the Cullen family falling apart, Alice apparently reaching the breaking point… I wished things would start making some sense.

"Why is - Edward - depressed?" I asked. Saying his name tore at my heart. A dull ache formed in the pit of my stomach. He didn't want me but I couldn't help the way _I _felt.

"Because you're not with him," Alice said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I looked away.

"He doesn't… want… me…" I choked out, again swallowing back the tears threatening to fall. The knife that had been through my heart since Edward left twisted violently at my admission.

"Yes Bella, he does," Alice argued. " He does want you . He _needs_ you. He physically needs you. It's like nothing I've ever seen. He isn't doing well, not at all. I can't explain it well enough to do it justice. But he needs you Bella. And you need him. Somehow, the two of you have to find your way back to one another."

I quickly wiped the single tear that escaped the ever deepening pools forming in my eyes. Alice was making it sound as though he was suffering just as I was.

"He loves you Bella," Alice said firmly. "That's why he really left - not because he didn't love you anymore but because he loves you so much he chose to suffer without you rather than be happy with you. He left to keep you safe from what we are, nothing more, nothing less."

"I don't know what to say," I confessed. "It's hard to believe…" My mind flashed back to that day in the woods. Edward had meant what he'd said, of that I was sure. No one could tell the person they loved as much as Alice seemed to think Edward loved me that they had fallen out of love with said person and look as though they meant it as much as Edward had.

"I know it is," Alice admitted. "But Bella, he came back here the instant he found out Victoria was after you. He's hell bent on destroying her. While I'm revealing all of his deep, dark secrets, I should tell you he spent parts of the time you've been apart tracking her. Badly, but tracking her all the same."

"He was tracking Victoria?' I shrieked. "Has he lost his mind?"

"Completely," Alice confirmed.

I groaned and dropped my head to the table. Not only was Jacob and the rest of the wolves in danger from the vicious woman out to get me, Edward was as well. Things started to come together then.

"You all came back to fight Victoria, didn't you?" I asked, raising my head to look at Alice.

Alice shrugged and took another fake sip of her coffee.

"I don't know. I saw Victoria was after you, I told Carlisle and we managed - surprisingly - to get in touch with Edward. We knew he would come back to Forks to protect you. We made the decision to join him here, whether it was to reunite with Edward or take care of Victoria I don't know. I guess it was both to some extent but honestly Bella, Edward can more than handle Victoria on his own. I think what really brought us here was Edward and the hope that we could somehow help him which would, in turn, help us."

My heart broke at Alice's latest admission. It sounded as though the entire Cullen family was in shambles.

"Alice, I don't need Edward to protect me. Tell him that. Tell him I've got someone else on the job, someone else who can take care of Victoria…" I was desperate to protect Edward.

"About that," Alice interrupted, fury coloring her eyes. "Have _you_ lost _your_ mind?"

I frowned. What had I done?

"What did I do?" I asked indignantly. "Edward asked me to keep myself safe. I promised him I would and regardless of how things stand with us, that's a promise I intend to keep."

"So you go and run around with werewolves - young, volatile, irresponsible werewolves at that? How is that keeping your promise?"

"They aren't dangerous!" I exclaimed. "And besides, how did you know about them anyways?"

Alice rolled her eyes. Oh right. The whole seeing the future thing.

"I could see you'd been spending a lot of time with Jacob Black and that you worried about him a great deal. While Carlisle and I were deliberating over the whole Victoria thing, we figured out - well, I figured it out, Carlisle already knew it or at least assumed it - that Jacob was a werewolf as were several of his friends. I can't see them for some reason which is extremely irritating, especially when I'm trying to read you, but I don't need to see them to know they're dangerous - especially to those who spend far too much time with them for their own good!"

Alice and I glared at one another, her trying to get me to see her side, me staunchly refusing.

"They aren't safe Bella," Alice repeated. "Stay away from them."

"I can't - won't - stay away," I replied defiantly.

"Bella…"

"No Alice! Jacob was there - is there - while Edward isn't. He's the one source of happiness in my life. You cannot ask me to stay away from him!"

Alice's face fell but then twisted into a look of understanding.

"You have a point," she conceded and I could tell she didn't like it. "But Bella, I'm sure you know that vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies. The Quileutes have a treaty with us that keeps the peace but with a murderous vampire on the loose, who knows what could happen? That's why I couldn't come to your house today - they're watching it and while it's a neutral zone, I don't know what my arrival would do. And I'm pretty sure they at least know we're together now."

"Hence the whole checking over your shoulder thing in the parking lot," I said. Alice nodded.

"They don't like us nor us them," she repeated. "And I want you to remember that Bella. Remember that and that, regardless of what you think, they are a danger to you." I rolled my eyes. She checked her cell phone for the time.

"Charlie will be home soon," she informed me. "You should probably get home and start his dinner."

I nodded in agreement and together, we left the coffee shop. A thought - a frightening thought - popped into my mind. I turned to Alice to ask her about tit.

"Alice, will I…"

"Yes," Alice interrupted, a smile on her face. "You'll be seeing me again. Just be patient. I'm working on making this whole disaster right, it's just going to take some time."

I returned her smile.

"Thanks," I told her. She opened my truck door for me.

"Do you - need a ride?" I asked, torn. If she did, I'd get to go to the Cullens. If she didn't, I wouldn't have to go to the Cullens.

"No," Alice shook her head. "I'm going to run. And use the time to brace myself. Edward is on the warpath." She flashed me her brilliant smile once more and then she was gone.

I sat in my truck and took a very deep breath. The Cullens were back. Edward was back. And he had no intentions of letting me know any of it. Not only was Jacob on the hunt for Victoria, Edward was too. Two people that I cared deeply for were on the trail of someone who hated me to their very core. The thought made me shudder.

And Edward. He still loved me. Or so Alice said. He loved me and he had been suffering just as much as I was. I found it all hard to believe. He had said he didn't want me with so much conviction, so much honesty, that it was impossible not to believe him. To not believe him still.

It clicked then, almost as if two pieces of a puzzle had been snapped into place. The Cullens were back. The wolves had known it - it was the information passed on to Sam at Harry's funeral. Jacob had known it. And no one had bothered to tell me. I turned the key and brought my truck to life, the tirade of words I planned to bring down on Jacob Black already forming in my head.


	13. Below The Belt

**I got carried away with writing and didn't even realize I hadn't updated! This is the 13th chapter and I already have the 18th chapter nearly completed which, by then, will be closing in on the end of this story. This particular chapter was hard to write, mainly because it's hard picturing Edward like this, saying these things. But I believe that during his darkest hours of New Moon, the hours we unfortunately didn't get to see, Edward was capable of acting like this. Strap in guys, I'm about to throw a lot of 'stuff' your way in both this update and the ones following it. **

**And because I haven't disclaimed in a while… I own nothing. Twilight isn't mine, it's the brilliant Stephanie Meyers. I merely put her wonderful characters in 'what if' situations I conjure up in my mind while I should be focusing on other things. **

**As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews!!! Please keep them coming! **

**AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**Alice's POV**

This was going to be bad. Really, really bad. I walked slower than a human as I approached our house, prolonging the last few moments of peace I had. I tried to recite any and every mathematical theory I could think of as I got closer in an effort to keep Edward from knowing what I'd done for as long as possible.

I didn't regret it. It was rather thrilling, seeing Bella again, spending time with her. It broke my heart to see her though, see firsthand how bad she looked. She was too thin, the bags under her eyes were too deep. And her wardrobe was as shabby as ever, something I considered a personal insult.

She now knew that Edward was back in Forks. That was my goal - to let her know Edward - and the rest of us - were back and that Edward still loved her. My hope, as childish as it was, was that if Edward knew she was aware that we were back, he would give in and go to her. I sighed. I felt as though I were a small child, trying to get my parents back together, like I was acting out a scene straight from the _Parent Trap. _

Edward didn't know I'd gone to Bella - yet - but he was going to be furious when he found out. I had seen what was going to happen and, while it was a long time coming, I hated being the party responsible for setting it off.

I climbed the front porch stairs, focusing intensely on my theories.

"Alice?" Jasper called when I entered the house.

"I'm here," I answered, following his voice to the living room. Emmett and Rosalie were together on the sofa, Jasper and Esme in armchairs. Edward was hovering by the glass wall, staring out into nothing. It was surprising to see him with us instead of locked away by himself.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked, bending to kiss Jasper quickly.

"He still hasn't returned from the hospital," Esme answered. I frowned.

"But they took him back. What could he possibly be doing?" I started searching.

Esme chuckled and gave me the answer just as I started seeing it.

"He called earlier to tell me not to expect him home for a while. He's enjoying being back at the hospital, hovering around, searching out something to do. He's missed the hospital environment."

I smiled. Carlisle had never voiced his thoughts but I knew he hadn't liked working at the small family clinic during our months outside of Toronto where there was little to do and even fewer patients to see.

"Where have you been all afternoon Alice?" came Edward's voice. He was eyeing me as though he were trying to search me. He probably was actually. I tensed and started working through trigonometry proofs.

"Nowhere in particular," I answered as casually as I could. Jasper shifted his eyes from me to Edward and back again. He raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head minutely.

"Did you run out of Shakespeare?" Edward asked, crossing his arms.

"What?" I tried to play innocent. He was on to me.

"You were reciting Shakespeare earlier. Now you're doing trigonometry. It was mathematical theories as you walked - slowly - up to the house. Clearly you are working overtime to keep me out of your thoughts. So what is it Alice? What are you hiding?"

Edward's tone was accusatory. And frighteningly cold. I was reminded that the person in front of me was not my brother.

It only took a moment. I was so busy focusing on how unlike Edward Edward sounded that I slipped and allowed a flash of Bella and I's afternoon to enter my mind.

Rage of the darkest kind flew into Edward.

"Alice!" He bellowed, his coal black eyes flashing, his teeth bared. I took a couple of steps back from him. I tried to search for the outcome but my focus was held by Edward.

"I told you not to do it! I told you to stay away! What in the hell have you done?" Edward stalked towards me. Jasper sensed how deep his anger ran and jumped protectively in front of me.

"Edward please, calm down," I begged, taking another step backwards. Jasper stepped with me. Emmett got to his feet as did Esme. Rosalie shifted on the sofa, shrinking towards the end of the sofa farthest from Edward.

"Edward, Alice, what's going on?" Esme asked, confused.

"Calm down?" Edward yelled at me. "Calm down? Do you realize what you did Alice?"

"Edward, you need to settle down…" Jasper tried. Edward turned his angry eyes on him.

"Do not tell me to settle down!" he cried. "You especially lost that right!" If Jasper was affected by Edward's words, he didn't let it show.

"She needed to know Edward! She deserved to know!" I yelled at him.

"Oh Alice," Esme moaned, piecing together what had happened.

"What happened?" Emmett asked, looking from Edward to Esme to me.

"Alice went to Bella and told her we were here," Rosalie piped up.

"Alice…," Emmett moaned, understanding Edward's anger now.

"Why Alice? Why did she need to know? She was better off not knowing!" Edward cried.

"Was she?" I asked indignantly. "Look at her Edward! She's a mess!" I let visions of Bella as I'd seen her earlier flood my mind. Edward cringed away from them.

"Stop it Alice!"

"She's hurting Edward! And so are you! I'm terrified that at any given moment, I'm going to see you hoping on a plan bound for Italy. It's been bad enough without you around. Imagine what it would be like for us if you were dead!"

Esme looked faint.

"Edward, what's she talking about?" she asked.

"It's nothing Esme," Edward dismissed her. I was good and riled up now. My temper lie dormant most of the time but when it was unleashed, it was a force of nature. I couldn't stop myself from answering Esme's question.

"Edward has decided that living in a world without Bella while she's living and breathing somewhere without him is far harder than living in a world where she doesn't exist. So, he's contemplating going to Volterra and asking the Volturi to kill him, put him out of his misery!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped. Rosalie was quick to move from the sofa to push a chair under Esme as she collapsed.

"Alice…" Edward growled, teeth bared again.

"Edward, Italy… It's not… You don't have to…" Emmett fell over his words, trying to convey to Edward that he had other options.

"You all act as though I've already boarded the plane!" Edward snapped.

"It's enough that you've thought about it!" Esme cried.

Edward looked exasperated.

I saw Rosalie slip out of the room. She was going to call Carlisle in hopes that he could diffuse the situation.

"I can't live without Bella. None of you know what it's like, going day to day, trying to survive. I can't go a single hour without wanting Bella, needing Bella. I can't keep it up!"

Edward was distraught. Jasper remained in front of me in a protective stance but I peered around him. Edward was visibly shaking. If it were possible, his face would have been bright red. Anger coursed through him, sadness overwhelmed him.

"All of you - you have your person with you, the person who you love, who you would do anything for. I don't have that anymore. And now that I've had it, I don't know how to go on without it," he told us, every word dripping with pain.

Calm washed over me. Emmett and Esme both looked more at ease as well. I looked at Jasper as did Edward.

"Do not try and calm me down," Edward said to him through gritted teeth.

"Let's talk about this Edward," Jasper replied. "We can help you work through it."

"You can go back to Bella. That would solve everything," I added.

"Oh shut up Alice!" Edward snapped.

"Edward, don't talk to your sister like that," said Esme. "Jasper's right. Let's talk about this. We can help you…"

Edward growled.

"Why should I listen to a thing Jasper has to say?" he snarled.

"He's your brother. He care's about you…," Esme tried.

"Cares about me?" Edward bellowed. "He cares about me? This is all his fault!"

If the room was tense before, it was nothing to what it felt like now. Jasper dropped his protective stance but remained between Edward and I as the words he'd been afraid Edward would speak poured out. Emmett took a few steps closer to Edward in case he needed to restrain him. Rosalie had reappeared and now took up residence next to Esme, her hand resting on Esme's shoulder.

"Carlisle's on his way," she whispered. Esme nodded and reached to squeeze Rose's hand.

"Edward, I'm sorry…," Jasper started.

"Sorry?" roared Edward. "Sorry for what? For trying to kill my girlfriend? For ruining my life? For being the reason I'm not with this family anymore? Take your pick!"

"Edward, stop it!" Esme demanded.

"I am so sorry," Jasper tried again. "I didn't _want_ to hurt Bella. I just… There was blood. So much blood. And you know I struggle with this lifestyle the most. If I could take it back…"

"But you can't!" Edward interrupted. "You can't take it back! You can't make it so you never tried to attack Bella! You can't make it so I never had to leave! Everyone is so mad at me, so hurt by me and my actions. But what about your actions Jasper? No one seems to take those into account!"

I stepped forward and put my hand on Jasper's arm in a comforting gesture.

"Don't do this Edward," I warned after getting a flash of the immediate future. "You're going to say things you're going to regret."

"Stay out of this Alice. You've done enough today," Edward shot at me.

"I take my actions into account!" Jasper said. "I take them into account every single day! You have no idea how guilty I feel, how this eats away at me. You aren't the only one who suffers!"

Edward and Jasper glared at one another.

"What's going on here?" came Carlisle's voice. Everyone but Jasper and Edward turned to look at him.

"I was just telling Jasper how everyone blames me for how miserable this family is and yet, really, it's his fault," Edward snarled.

"I told you Edward, I do blame myself, immensely so," Jasper replied. They held each other's gaze. Emmett was braced to jump in between them if it came to blows. I still had a hand on Jasper, trying in vain to calm him.

"And," Edward continued, "Alice betrayed me."

"She deserved to know!" I said for what felt like the hundredth time.

Carlisle's eyes fell on me.

"Alice, did you visit Bella today?" he asked calmly.

"Yes," I confirmed. "I told her we were here - and so was Edward - and reminded her that the werewolves were dangerous while I was at it."

"That's out of the way then," he said simply. Edward turned on him.

"What's that suppose to mean?" he demanded.

"Well Edward, all this keeping our return quiet is ridiculous. I've gone back to work, it's only fair that everyone else be able to live their lives as they see fit."

"Why doesn't anyone grasp that we're a danger to Bella?" Edward cried.

"Because we're not!" I exclaimed. I called him a few choice names in my head and hoped he heard it.

"So what happened on her birthday is normal behavior?" he shot back.

"It was a mistake," Jasper said. "And I am sorry. So sorry…"

"I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry!'" Edward cried. "'Sorry' doesn't cut it Jasper! You and your inability to control yourself has ruined my life!"

Edward had hit below the belt. Jasper closed his eyes in an effort to rein in his temper. I could see the hurt across his face.

"Jasper, why don't you go outside, get some air. Alice will join you in a minute," Carlisle ordered.

Jasper hesitated, his eyes warily on Edward. He didn't want to leave me unprotected.

"Go," I told him quietly. "It'll be okay." Jasper looked at me. I nodded, not sure if things would be okay at all. He sighed and left the room. Emmett looked after him.

"I'll go…"

"No," Carlisle interrupted. "You stay here." Emmett nodded. Carlisle wanted him on standby in case Edward's rage turned physical.

"I'll go," Rosalie volunteered. I shot her a grateful glance for her unusual show of selflessness. Edward was still tense, still ready to fight. This wasn't over.

"Edward," Carlisle started, "You need to get a hold of yourself. I know you and your brother have things to hash out but you are acting out of character right now…"

"Of course you're defending him!" Edward interrupted. "You've already informed me of how I've hurt this family. Maybe though, you should look at it from a different angle. Maybe you should blame Jasper!"

"Edward sweetheart, let's go hunting, just you and I. You can talk if you want or we can hunt completely in silence. Let's just get you out of this house for a while," Esme suggested, stepping closer to Edward.

"I don't want to hunt," Edward said evenly.

"You need to," I piped up. "You haven't hunted in ages. That's part of the reason you're overreacting now."

"There you go again, telling me what I need to do, what's best for me. I've had enough of it Alice!" Edward snapped at me.

"Someone has to!" I shot back.

"Carlisle, he's contemplating having the Volturi end his life," Esme spoke softly. Carlisle's eyes flashed.

"Is this true Edward?" he asked urgently.

"It's an option," Edward replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"A foolish one," Emmett muttered.

"This has gone too far," Carlisle determined. "Edward, go hunting with Esme. Use that time to gather your head. When you get back, come to my office. We need to talk."

"I'm done talking," Edward announced. "Its not as though anyone listens to me anyways."

"I'll be waiting for you in my office," Carlisle said firmly.

"Let's go Edward," Esme said, trying to take Edward by the arm. Edward snatched his arm away.

"I'm going alone and I'm not coming back," he said. "It was supposed to be a clean break, as if I had never been here. I'll make it so yet."

"Edward!" Esme gasped. Edward's angry eyes flashed.

"I'm sorry Esme."

With that, Edward was gone.

Emmett and I exchanged a glance. Carlisle pulled Esme to him to comfort him, looking troubled.

I froze as the future played out in front of me.

"Edward, no!"


	14. Did or Didn't

**I've had to change up who's turn it is so to speak. Up until now, Edward got to tell the story after Alice but this go round, he had to switch with Bella so the story would make sense. I know you all are dying to know what Alice saw at the end of the last update and you'll find out soon - as in the next update. I have to do a little tweaking on that one then I'll post it for you. ****J**

**Thank you all for the continued reviews. Please let me know what you think!**

**Bella's POV**

I was out of my truck before the engine had shut off. I stomped up to Jacob's house, hell bent on giving him a piece of my mind. Billy and Charlie had gone over to Sue Clearwater's after dinner which gave me free range to yell as loud as I'd like. I knocked hard on the door and waited, hands on my hips. No one answered.

Undeterred, I marched around the house to Jacob's garage. I frowned when I saw it was empty.

"Where are you?" I mumbled.

As if on cue, Jacob's Rabbit came rumbling down the road. I waited on the porch, arms crossed. Jacob climbed out of his Rabbit, beaming.

"Bella!" he called out. "I wasn't expecting you!"

"Well don't get too excited - it's not a friendly visit," I replied evenly. He raised an eyebrow.

"Not friendly, huh? What did I do?" He was smirking, amused.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me Jacob?" I asked, scorching him with my eyes.

He shrugged.

"You look cute when you're mad," he told me. I scowled.

"Anything else?" I pressed hotly.

"It's pretty today. The sun's out, it's warm…It's cloudy off to the west though so it's not going to last much longer."

"Jacob!" I said, frustrated. He took a good look at me then.

"You really aren't happy with me, are you?" he asked. "What did I do?" I narrowed my eyes.

"You know what you did," I said. "Or should I say, what you and the rest of your wolf buddies did. Or didn't do."

"You're confusing me Bella," Jacob replied, a hint of amusement in his voice. "I did something, no, the pack did something, no, actually we didn't do something. Which is it?"

I sighed out of frustration.

"I'm going to ask you something, Jacob, and I want you to tell me the truth."

"Shoot," Jacob replied. He leaned against the porch railing looking completely at ease.

"At Harry Clearwater's funeral, what information did Jared pass on to Sam?" The question hung in the air like smoke. Jacob studied me. He could tell I knew the truth. I was willing to bet that Sam had ordered the pack to keep the news quiet.

"Bella, that was nothing you need to concern yourself over," Jacob tried his line from the last time we'd had this conversation.

"Oh really?" I asked. "The Cullens returning to Forks had nothing to do with me whatsoever?"

Jacob groaned.

"You weren't suppose to know," he admitted.

"So I gathered," I agreed. "Edward's rules for the Cullens and I'm assuming Sam's rules for the pack."

Jacob raised an eyebrow.

"The bloodsucker doesn't want you to know they're back?" he asked.

"No," I said sadly. Yet another fraction of my heart I didn't know I still had broke off. "He doesn't."

"Yet the sister still made it her business to let you know," Jacob continued knowingly. I remembered what Alice said about the wolves probably knowing we were together. "Why was that?" I glared at Jacob.

"That's not really your business," I stated. "What I want to know is why you, Sam, and the others found it necessary to keep it from me."

"Well isn't it obvious?" Jacob asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Clearly it's not. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here, demanding you tell me." Jacob sighed.

"Bella, their vampires…"

"And you're a werewolf. Aside from the whole 'mortal enemies' thing, what does that have to do with anything?"

"First, they're dangerous."

I had to strongly resist not stamping my foot out of agitation. First I'm told the werewolves are dangerous and now the vampires are dangerous. I knew better and wished fiercely everyone else involved knew better as well.

"They aren't dangerous," I protested. "So that's beside the point. Start talking Jacob Black."

Jacob looked down at his fingers.

"He hurt you Bella," he said so softly I could barely hear him.

"What?" I asked.

"He hurt you. Destroyed you would be the better choice of words. I don't want to see you hurt like that again. I can't see you hurt like that again. If you didn't know they were here, then you wouldn't run off to see them, try to rekindle a relationship with _him_. Sam merely didn't want you to know they were there for safety reasons. Mine were more personal."

I was thrown by Jacob's confession. It was hard to be angry now when I realized he truly had what he thought was my best interest in mind. I still wasn't exactly happy but at least I understood.

"Jacob," I sighed. "There's no worry about me 'rekindling' anything. I told you - he doesn't want me to know he's here."

"Then why are they back?" Jacob asked. I decided to tell him the very minimum. He needn't know just how much Alice had revealed.

"Edward has been tracking Victoria. The rest of the Cullens came here to rejoin him. They have been - separated - for a while."

"Separated?" Jacob asked, interested. "Really?"

"I don't know the logistics of it," I replied. "I just know what Alice told me." Jacob seemed to think on that for a minute.

"So what are you going to do now?" he asked. He couldn't hide the curiousness in his voice.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, thinking over Alice's words about waiting until she told me otherwise.

"Stay away from him Bella," Jacob warned. "Stay away from the whole lot of them. You can't take being hurt by them again and I can't take watching you be hurt by them again."

"I'll do what I think is best," I said evenly.

"Bella…," Jacob sighed.

"Tell me something else Jake," I asked.

"What now?" Jacob was wary, probably rightly so.

"If Alice came to my house, what would happen?"

"What do you mean?" Jacob replied.

"I mean, if Alice showed up at my house for a visit, would whatever wolves watching my house attack her?"

"No," Jacob answered. "Unfortunately, Forks is a neutral area. That's the reason both the Cullens and the Quileutes can shop there, work there, go to school in the Cullens' case."

"Unfortunately?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mortal enemies, remember?" Jacob smirked. "We would love to attack if the opportunity presented itself, don't get me wrong. But we remember the rules of the treaty. If they abide by them as well, there will be no bloodshed - for lack of a better word."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been worried about what would happen if and when Alice came over.

Jacob's cell phone rang then, interrupting our conversation.

"It's Sam," Jacob told me before pushing the answer button.

"What's up?" he answered. I waited, all traces of anger gone now. I understood both the pack's reason for keeping me in the dark and Jacob's own personal reasons even if I didn't necessarily agree with them. I watched Jacob's face twist from smooth to stressed in a matter of seconds.

"How far out?" his voice was urgent. I leaned towards him, hoping to catch on to whatever was going on.

"I'm on my way. But - crap. Bella's here…" I frowned.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll tell her. She's leaving now. Tell Quil to meet her at the end of my road."

Quil? Had he become a werewolf as well?

Jacob closed his phone.

"You have to go home Bella - now. Quil will fall in behind you at the end of our road. He'll be on foot of course but he's going to follow you home and then patrol the perimeter." Jacob was already dragging me towards my truck.

"Wait a minute!" I protested, struggling against him. He easily overpowered me. "What's going on Jacob? What's happened?"

"Don't worry Bella - you'll be perfectly safe - but we have a lead on Victoria. We're going to try to intercept her. It'll hardly be a fair fight - five of us against her. And by the way, Quil is a werewolf now - I know you're probably wondering."

Yet again, my head was spinning. In a span of a few hours, I had spoke with Alice, learned the Cullens, Edward included, were back in town, and now Victoria was out making her move. I half wished for a boring life.

Jacob tucked me into my truck effortlessly.

"Go straight home Bella. I'll let you know what happens - promise. Just, please, go straight home," he begged. As if I had anywhere else to go.

"I will," I promised. "Please, be careful…"

"Go," he said. He shut my door and took off towards the woods at a dead sprint, tearing his shirt over his head as he went.

I blew out a breath as I cranked up my truck. With shaky hands on the wheel, I backed out of the driveway. Worry gnawed at every inch of my body. If the wolves were on Victoria's tail, there was a good chance Edward was too. I briefly contemplated going to the Cullens but knew it would do no good - Edward would go after her regardless and I was too chicken to face him. I would have to go home and wait - as usual.


	15. Obstacles

**I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow but decided I've teased you for a couple of updates now and it was time to let you know what was going down. **

**Here we are - Edward's turn, the turning point in this story. I hope I did it justice - please let me know! I need to preface this by saying the end does get a little violent. Not *terribly* violent but still, violent.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters. I merely like putting the majorly talented Stephanie Meyer's characters in what-if scenarios I think up while I should be doing something else. **

**Please let me know what you think - violence isn't the easy thing for me to write!  
**

**Edward's POV**

For the second time in less that 24 hours, I was running in an effort to outrun my problems. This time though, my problems stayed with me. I ran big circles around Forks, first unintentionally then on purpose as my anger began to ebb away.

Alice had tried to warn me that I'd say things I'd regret. She had tried to stop me. Too blinded by my own rage, I hadn't been able to stop my tirade long enough to look at what she had been showing me.

I had overreacted - to say the least. It was true I hadn't wanted Bella to know we were in town. But I was beginning to see that maybe, everyone was right. If Bella was in this much danger now, without me, if she was in as bad of shape as Alice had shown me, then how was being apart from her right? I was miserable. Depression had overtaken me, was eating me from the inside out. My family was being affected. None of this was right anymore.

I stopped running when I came once more to the clearing we played baseball in from time to time. I had lost count of how many times I had passed through it while running. Now, I walked to the middle and sank down cross-legged to think.

In a way, this was where everything had begun. This was the first place James, Laurent, and Victoria had laid eyes on Bella. This was where James had decided to hunt Bella. His decision had led to his death and now, his death would lead to another fight, this time with Victoria. I was not worried about the outcome. Victoria would die and Bella would once again be safe.

Bella. It was time for me to give in. I had tried to be selfless. I had tried to let her go, let her lead a perfectly human life. My noble effort had gotten both of us nowhere. According to Alice, she was suffering too. I couldn't let that continue, not when I was the cause for it.

I had no idea what I would say - to anyone. I owed Bella so much. An apology. An explanation. Another apology. If she were like other girls, I'd throw in a dozen roses and a box of chocolates too, followed by yet another apology. There would be begging involved and lots of it, of that I was sure.

I found myself praying she really was as upset as Alice said, that she hadn't moved on as I had intended for her too. As fair as it would be, I wasn't sure I could handle it. Regardless of where Bella stood, of where I stood with her, I was going to put up a fight to win her back and then spend the rest of eternity making this up to her.

Then there was the matter of my family. I owed each of them a personal apology, some more so than others. I would start with Rosalie. She was the least affected by my absence meaning I had less to apologize for. She would forgive me, I thought.

Next would be Emmett. I owed him a few rounds on the Wii and would even let him win from time to time to keep his ego sufficiently inflated. He would forgive me easily enough once I gave him the apology he deserved. He wasn't too deep after all. He would be happy too to have Bella around again - assuming Bella took me back.

The rest of the apologies would be more difficult. I wasn't sure how to even begin them, let alone where the courage to face Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper would come from. Carlisle was my father in every way but biologically. He wanted what was best and if I were honest, he usually knew what was best. He had tried to talk to me, reason with me, and I had chose to disrespect him, undermine him. He deserved far better than that.

Esme, she loved me dearly. This time I had left her with the notion that I wasn't coming back and was contemplating ending my life. She suffered still over the loss of her own child. Losing me, that opened all those old wounds all over again. How could I have done that to my own mother?

Alice had been trying to help. And truthfully, she had. My resolve to stay away from Bella had been weakening steadily. Now that Bella knew I was close by, I couldn't find a reason to stay away. Yes, Alice was annoying sometimes but that was Alice. I had not only said things to her that I was certain had hurt her deeply but I had said things to Jasper that would certainly wound her as well.

And then there was Jasper. God I had said some awful things to him. I didn't know how to apologize. I had no idea what to say, do. He was right. He had never intentionally planned to attack Bella. True, he had tried. True, he had nearly succeeded. But it was our nature, our instinct. Bella faulted him least of all. I had put my burden on him when he was already carrying around one of his own. I knew too that I was the only one who could help him with his burden.

What was I going to say to Bella though? Where did I start? How did I approach her? Surely Charlie would meet me at the door with a shotgun if he saw me coming up her walk. But popping in through her window - that could scare her. I supposed I could wait until tomorrow, wait for her on her porch after school.

No, I couldn't wait. I had already waited nearly seven months. Another day was simply too long. I would come in through her window, get down on my knees, and start begging. As soon as I hunted. It had been far too long. I needed to be completely in control of my vampiric nature when I went to her. My thirst had added to my rage earlier. I couldn't lose control with Bella.

The wind picked up and I closed my eyes to pick up the scent of game nearby. There was a herd of deer nearby, just beyond the woods on the other side of the clearing. Further away, about two miles away, was a heard of Elk. But there was something else.

A snarl rose from my chest as I sprang to my feet. Victoria was nearby. I glanced around, trying to pick up on her exact location. Judging by the wind direction, there was a good chance she hadn't sensed me yet. It looked as though I would also be killing Victoria before I went to Bella. It was one of the only obstacles I would allow to keep me from Bella any longer.

_That clearing should be around here somewhere,_ came her inner thoughts. I tuned in, turning to the direction I'd heard them from.

_The wolves can't touch me here. It's not on their side from what I've gathered. Let them pace the boundary line, the filthy creatures. They've missed me every other time they've tried and they'll miss me again. Shame Laurent wasn't so lucky - he was dead useful. _

A growl built in my throat. She would walk into the clearing in under a minute. I crouched. Her steps were numbered. I stared at the spot I expected her to appear. Her red hair was the first thing I saw. She paused when she saw me.

_The Cullen boy, _she mused. _I knew they'd come back, him at least. He'd do anything to protect that girl. Shame he won't make it out of this clearing. _

"Edward Cullen, right?" Victoria sang out, faking surprise. "I guess I should welcome you back to Forks. I hear you and your family have been gone for a while now." She started strolling towards me. Her intentions were to appear friendly, set me up. She had no idea I could read her every thought.

"Victoria," I greeted. "It's nice to see you again. What brings you back around these parts?" I played along, drawing her in closer. She smirked.

"Your friend, Bella, actually. Of course, I've deduced that the two of you are no longer together. It does makes more sense this way, seeing as she is human and you are not."

"Bella is none of your concern," I warned. Her smirk grew wider.

"Oh but isn't she?" she asked. "An eye for an eye they say. You and your brothers took my James from me. It's only fair that I take your Bella - from you."

I growled.

"You will not harm a hair on her head," I informed her. Victoria let out a shrill laugh.

_Oh the stupid boy! Still defending the girl when he didn't love her enough to stay with her, make her one of us! _

I began moving then and she quickly mimicked my movements. We turned in a circle, our moves a prelude to the fight that would soon occur.

"It doesn't have to be like this," she hissed. "You could help me. I merely want her dead. Her blood is yours."

"The only 'blood' I'm interested in is yours," I hissed back. She laughed.

"You are rather confident aren't you? Arrogant even. No worries - you'll be taken down a peg or two soon enough."

"I'd say you're the overconfident one. You underestimate the lengths I will go through when it comes to Bella."

"Oh but your devotion to her will make this so much sweeter!"

She attacked then. I saw her move in her mind a second before it happened and ducked around her.

"You'll have to do better than that," I taunted, falling back into our circle dance. She didn't reply. She stared me down, waiting for me to make a move. I decided not to disappoint. It was a foolish decision - I could have easily waited for her to decide her next move - but I was eager to finish her off, to take down an elk or two so I could get to Bella. I faked right before lunging left.

She yelped as my nails dug into her shoulder and jerked away. I threw the chunk of her flesh I'd pulled off to the side.

"_You _will have to do better than that!" she cried. She dived for me. I was ready. I dodged her again, went for another attack.

We locked ourselves in battle. I attacked at every chance as did Victoria. I ripped out a chunk of flesh with nearly every contact, eager for my shot at her neck. Victoria wasn't as lucky though she did manage to inflict a few wounds of her own.

We continued like this for what fell like ages. I regretted not hunting for so long now. I wasn't as strong as I usually was and Victoria was a skilled fighter. The fight was requiring more effort from me then it should have.

"Give up Victoria," I snarled, throwing aside my latest chunk of flesh, this one from her thigh. "You aren't meant to get out of this clearing alive!"

"Ha!" Victoria laughed. "You've gotten in a few lucky shots but I will be the one leaving this clearing today!"

The wind brought a new wave of scent to me. Scents to be exact. Six of them. The scents of my family. They were nearby. Alice had told them where I was, no doubt. I would hear their thoughts very soon.

Victoria sensed my distraction and seized her opportunity. She leaped, colliding hard with me. I cursed loudly. She flung me off of her. I hit a tree 75 feet away. Pain throbbed in my shoulder but I paid it no mind as I got back on my feet, my temper bubbling white hot. I could hear the buzz of my family's thoughts but tuned them out. I could afford no more distractions.

Victoria began sprinting across the field towards me. I broke into my own sprint. We collided halfway. I aimed for her throat with my hand but got a chunk of her cheek instead. She however sank her teeth into my arm. I fought to get loose but she did it once more before I was successful.

The bites stung. They also fueled my desire to destroy her. I lunged again, not waiting to read her plans.

It was another mistake. She dodged me, reaching to grab my arm as she ducked. She pinned my arm behind my back.

"Ready to end this?" she whispered in my ear. I fought against her grip. She restrained me. I fought harder. A loud snap echoed through the woods as she twisted my arm viciously, removing it from my body. She tossed it aside, growling ferociously.

Fear crept into my mind now. My family was closer but still not close enough. I was extremely disadvantaged now. Victoria laughed a high pitched laugh.

"This is it Cullen!" she cried.

She lunged at me, taking me to the ground hard. There was pain, lots of pain. Victoria was on top of me, biting, clawing. A loud crash echoed around me. Someone called my name. "Bella," I whispered. Then everything went black.


	16. Rare Occurrence

**I should really be in bed - I'm traveling back to school tomorrow and it's an early morning - but I didn't want you all hanging too much longer! Forgive any errors - I am editing with one eye open! **

**Thank you as always for your support! Let me know what you think!**

**Oh, and I know some things are going to be unclear here. They'll be fully explained in an update or two, promise!**

**Alice's POV **

I was hovering near Edward, nervously pacing the same pattern through his stacked boxes over and over again. Carlisle had been working furiously on him for nearly an hour now, stopping only to lift Edward from his sofa to the bed Esme and I had brought in once Esme determined the sofa was neither comfortable enough nor good enough for her son.

"Edward, can you hear me?" Carlisle asked. "Squeeze my hand if you can." Carlisle held Edward's hand. Nothing happened.

"He's not dead, you're sure of that?" Esme asked again for the tenth time - just since Carlisle had carried Edward through the front doors. I lost count while we'd still been in the clearing.

"He's not dead," both Carlisle and I told her once more. _Just nearly, _I thought to myself. I chanced a glance at my brother and my heart broke all over again, just as it did every time I looked at him, still and lifeless.

_Please Edward, _I begged, hoping, despite his unconscious state, he could hear me. _Please, please, please fight! _

"I just don't understand," Esme said, her voice laced with worry. She picked up Edward's limp hand and held it to her cheek.

"How can he be unconscious Carlisle? He's a vampire!" Carlisle adjusted the sling he had created for Edward's arm, another unvampire like scenario.

"It can happen," Carlisle said, concentrating on Edward. "It's very rare and very complex. I will explain in a bit, once I've gotten him as comfortable as I can. I need to concentrate though. Please Esme, can you wait for me downstairs? And keep the others out as well?"

"My son is hurt Carlisle! I can't leave," Esme argued, indignant that he'd even suggest such a thing.

"Esme please," Carlisle replied, sounding stressed. He glanced at me for help.

"Come on Esme," I said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Let's give Carlisle some room to work. We'll go sit in the living room and wait for him to come tell us what's going on. Once Edward is comfortable, we can come back."

Esme sighed heavily. She leaned down and kissed Edward's forehead. "I love you," she whispered to him. I helped her to her feet, her holding onto Edward's hand the entire time. She kissed his hand, gently laid it on the bed, then allowed me to lead her out of the room. Carlisle shot me a thankful look.

"I just don't understand," Esme said again as we walked downstairs. "Broken bones and wounds that aren't healing, unconscious… We don't do that!"

"He'll be okay," I said automatically. Esme looked hopeful.

"Did you see that?" she asked. My heart twisted. I hadn't seen it. I had merely said what anyone else said in situations like these.

"I haven't seen anything," I confessed, trying to mask how distressed I was over that fact. "I've looked of course, many times, but it's uncertain." Esme's face fell as fast as it had turned hopeful.

"Oh," was all she said. I stopped and pulled her in for a hug once we reached the living room.

"Edward's a fighter," I told her. "He was going to go to Bella and beg forgiveness before the fight with Victoria. He's not going to give up without the chance to tell her he still loves her." I clung to my belief that Edward's love for Bella was stronger than his earlier wish to die.

"He whispered her name before he passed out," Esme recalled. I nodded.

"I heard that too."

She sat down on the sofa as the front door opened and closed. Emmett and Rosalie appeared in the living room then, Jasper on their heels.

"How is he?" Emmett asked immediately.

Esme looked away. She put her fist in her mouth as worry and fear etched themselves deeper across her face. If she could shed tears, she would be sobbing.

"He's got some broken bones and many wounds," I told them. "Carlisle reattached the arm she tore off but the bones were crushed. He's braced it so they will reform correctly. He's also bandaged the worst of his wounds. Right now, Edward is unconscious and doesn't seem to hear us."

All three of them looked confused.

"Unconscious?" Rosalie spoke up. "How can that be?"

"And his bones haven't reformed yet? What's going on?" Emmett added. Jasper looked even paler than usual.

"Carlisle said it's possible - very rare, but possible," I explained. "He's with Edward now, trying to make him as comfortable as he can. He'll be down soon to explain what's happened."

"What about _her_? Is she taken care of?" Esme asked, her eyes blazing as she thought of the vampire that had harmed her son.

"She's no more than a pile of ashes," Emmett confirmed.

"Spread far and wide," Rosalie added, her voice grim. She was self-centered, no doubt, but no one messed with her family.

"Good," Esme commented. I knew then that had Victoria not been destroyed, Esme would have taken care of her - violently.

I studied Jasper. He was antsy, glancing frequently up the stairs. The anxious emotions our family had been emitting all day, strongly now, were taking their toll on him. I needed to get him out of there for a while, talk to him.

"Emmett, Rosalie, sit with Esme. Carlisle will be down soon," I said quietly. "I'm going to take Jasper outside for a while.

Emmett glanced at his brother.

"Okay," he nodded. He put an arm around Rosalie and the two joined Esme on the sofa. Esme enveloped them both in a hug they weren't getting out of anytime soon.

"Jasper," I said, putting my hand on his arm. "Let's go for a walk."

He looked at me, eyes full of sadness.

"Don't you want to hear what Carlisle says?" he asked. His eyes portrayed how much he wanted to get out of the house right then. I shook my head.

"I've already heard it," I said, tapping my temple. "We'll ask him to explain it to us again later if you want. Right now, I think you need some fresh air." Jasper nodded and allowed me to lead him outdoors. We walked in silence towards the river. Without warning, Jasper stopped and spun me to face him.

"Is he going to be okay Alice? Please, tell me the truth!" He was near panicked, sounded helpless.

"I don't know," I told him, just as I had told Esme. I _hated_ not knowing. "It's still unclear. I check every so many minutes. He has to decide if he wants to fight or not."

"Well we have to make him!" Jasper exclaimed. "We have to make him fight!" He turned away from me then, roughly rubbing his hands over his face.

"Jasper," I said soothingly. "Edward had decided to ask Bella for forgiveness before Victoria appeared in the clearing. And he was going to sit down with each of us and apologize for his actions. Do you really think he's going to give up? Leave Bella without telling her at least one more time that he loves her? Leave us hurting?"

"He was going to Volterra," Jasper said dryly. "Giving up now would save him the plane trip."

"He's going to be okay," I said firmly. "We have to believe that."

"This is my fault…"

"Jasper please," I sighed. "This isn't the time for this. We have to stand strong - for Edward." Jasper let out a heavy sigh of his own.

"I'll never forgive myself if he doesn't make it through this," he whispered. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. I let him feel the love and support I had for him.

"What's Carlisle going to say anyways?" he asked, returning a squeeze of his own. "What's wrong with Edward?" I glanced at my watch. Carlisle was talking to the rest of them right now.

"It's complicated. Carlisle will be able to explain it better. It has to do with Edward's venom mixing with Victoria's."

Jasper frowned and let go of my hand to run his hand through is hair.

"Vampires mix venom all the time," he said. "This hasn't happened before."

"It's a rare occurrence. Like I said, Carlisle can explain it better than me. It's sort of like when a human gets a blood transfusion of the wrong kind of blood." Jasper nodded though I could tell he didn't really understand. Neither did I really.

"We should probably get back to the house," Jasper sighed, glancing over his shoulder in the direction of our house. "Esme will worry if we're gone too long." I nodded in agreement.

"But let's walk," I said in an effort to keep Jasper from all the stressful emotions as long as I could.

"Walk," Jasper agreed, taking my hand.

Fifteen minutes later we entered the house through the back door. We walked into the living room as Carlisle was finishing up.

"But there's a chance he'll be okay, right?" Emmett asked.

Carlisle nodded.

"Like I said, three out of seven. Really, it's up to Edward. He's much weaker than he should be - I have no idea how long it's been since he's hunted but the lack of nourishment isn't helping him here. I'm going to have to devise a way to get blood into him if he doesn't come around soon…"

"You'll devise a way now," Esme piped up, her voice stern. "Blood will make him stronger. He needs his strength!"

"I'll get to work on it," Carlisle nodded to appease her. "An IV of course won't do - his skin is too hard to break through with a mere needle - but maybe something similar."

"What can we do to help him?" Jasper asked. Carlisle turned to look at us for the first time.

"I suppose Alice filled you in on what I was going to say?" he asked.

"Sort of. I'd like a more detailed explanation later if you don't mind."

"Of course Jasper," Carlisle nodded. "As for what you can do for Edward… He needs to know we're there for him, that we love and support him. I know everyone's last conversation with him ended on bad terms but he needs us now."

"And he needs Bella," I spoke up. Everyone looked at me. "He asked for her before he lost consciousness. And he had planned on going to her to ask for her forgiveness once he'd hunted this afternoon."

"Yes," Esme agreed, some of the light returning to her eyes. "Bella would give him every reason he needs to fight."

"That's actually a good idea Alice," Carlisle said. "Let's get her here. We'll have to lie to Charlie, of course, to get her away for a few days but let's get her here - if she'll come."

"She'll come," Esme said assuredly. Jasper shifted uncomfortably beside me.

"I'll go get her," I volunteered, watching Jasper with concern. A confrontation with Edward, a fight with Victoria, and now coming face to face with Bella for the first time since September was testing every limit he had. Rosalie saw my concern.

"No, I'll go," she said, standing. "Stay here Alice. I think your help around here would be more beneficial than mine." She gave me a pointed look. 'Thank you', I mouthed to her.

"Remember Rose, you'll have to lie to Charlie - if Bella will come. Tell him Edward was in an accident of some sort and apologize for taking Bella away from school for a while…" Rosalie held up her hand to stop Carlisle.

"I can handle it dad," she said confidently. Everyone knew Rosalie tended to get whatever Rosalie wanted. "I'll be back soon." With a quick kiss for Emmett and a hug for Esme, she was gone.

"Jasper, let's go up to my office. I'll explain Edward's condition to you there," Carlisle suggested. already heading for the stairs.. Jasper nodded and followed him.

"Alice?" Carlisle called over his shoulder. "You too are invited to my office if you'd like to hear a firsthand recount." I shook my head.

"I'm going to go sit with Edward until Bella gets here," I told him. "Esme, Emmett, care to join me?"

Both of them silently followed me up the two flights of stairs to Edward's room. Emmett and I took up residence on one side of Edward, Esme on the other. She took Edward's hand in hers and brushed his hair back with her free hand. I wondered if she felt half as much like a mother now as she looked.

"Come on Edward," Emmett mumbled. "Pull through this for us."

"Hey Edward?" I asked, taking his other hand. "Bella's on her way. It won't be long before she's here with you again."


	17. Senses

**This chapter is rather short, I apologize. However, the next one is most definitely NOT short! I have a feeling the length will be increasing over the next few updates. **

**Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, both those who've been reviewing since the day I started this and those who have started reviewing more recently. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your encouragement in turn encourages me! **

**Disclaimer: Twilight and it's character's and storylines aren't mine - they're Stephanie Meyer's. I merely put them into 'what-if' situations I think up while I should be focusing on other things. **

**Edward's POV**

I felt pain - everywhere. Excruciating, pulsating, unbearable pain. I fought to remember what had happened, why I was in such agony. Victoria and I had fought. Flashes of her fiery hair kept appearing before me. She had somehow gotten the upper hand. I had heard my family's thoughts. Someone had pulled Victoria off of me just as I'd slipped into blackness. There were parts missing but I couldn't fill them in.

I didn't understand what was happening to me. I could feel but I couldn't move. I couldn't writhe in pain like I wanted to but I could feel it coursing through my veins. I could hear what was being said to me and around me but I couldn't respond. I was trying. Carlisle had asked me to squeeze his hand several different times before he'd left me - wherever I was - alone. I had tried - tried hard. But I couldn't and it frustrated me. Maybe Carlisle hadn't left me. Maybe my hearing was gone now too. I tried to hear something - anything - but I couldn't.

What was going on? No one had explained it. No one had told me what was happening to me. I only knew enough to know that these things happening to me weren't normal. Truthfully, I was terrified.

I had plans before Victoria had turned up. I was going to my Bella. I was going to hit my knees and beg for her to take me back. And then I was going to apologize to everyone, get my life back. I was going to start being me again, get rid of the brooding, miserable person I saw when I looked in the mirror. Now, I didn't know if I were going to have that chance again, the chance to apologize, to tell Bella I love her. The idea of having to leave so much unsaid was far more torturous than the physical pain coursing through me.

I felt trapped in my own body. I was there, telling my limbs what to do, my mouth what to say, but they weren't responding. I needed them to respond! I needed to tell Carlisle what was happening to me so he could fix it. I needed to get to Bella. I needed to apologize. And Victoria! I needed to make sure she was taken care of. And the wolves… I felt panicked.

Maybe I was in some sort of limbo, between one life and another. Maybe Victoria had killed me and, without a soul, I was stuck between earth and whatever afterlife there was. That had to be it. I had died and my suspicion that we didn't have souls was confirmed. Oh God! I had died or was dying and I hadn't gotten the chance to tell Bella I love her. Oh God! My chest tightened. This couldn't happen - not now, not when I was so close!

I heard people coming up what sounded like stairs. I felt elated - I _could_ still hear! There was a buzzing too - their thoughts maybe? - but I couldn't make them out. I couldn't get myself to concentrate enough to read them. Maybe that was a part of the dead or dying thing - my ability was weakening and soon I wouldn't have it at all. Whoever the people were drew closer.

Someone took my hand. I recognized their scent then, relieved that at least one other sense seemed to be working. Esme. Mom. She started brushing my hair back. It felt good. She was worried about me,. I could tell by the gentle yet tense touch. I tried to reassure her but my mouth wouldn't move. I tried to squeeze her hand but as with Carlisle, it didn't work.

_I love you mom, _I thought desperately. _I'm sorry. _I willed my thoughts to somehow reach her.

"Come on Edward," came Emmett's voice. It was gruff with still more worry. It didn't sound much like him. "Pull through this for us."

Pull through this… Did I have a choice? If I did, I wanted to pull through whatever this was. But I couldn't even make my own hand move. I was pretty sure I didn't have a choice. I didn't even know what was going on, where I was.

_I'll try, _I wanted to tell him. _But I don't think I can._

Someone else took my other hand then. Alice.

"Hey Edward?" she asked.

_What Alice? And by the way, I'm sorry for earlier… So sorry… God how I wish I could make my myself tell you that! _I wondered if she could see what I wanted her to know.

"Bella's on her way," she continued. "It won't be long before she's here with you again."

Bella. My Bella. On her way. Here. To me. Bella. My Bella.

I stopped fighting to make myself talk and move then. Bella was on her way. Bella. She was going to be here with me. I would worry about what was wrong with me later. I was going to save my strength. The real fighting would begin when Bella was with me.


	18. Venom and Blood

**Get comfy folks, this is a long one. I hope I did it justice so please let me know! I apologize for the delay - I've had this one written for a while now but I came back to school Saturday evening and have been running ever since! Classes start tomorrow but I'm going to try and get an update up by Thursday! I had that one written too and decided I didn't like it… **

**Thank you for all the new reviews!!! Please keep them coming!**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't know why I was bothering. I had told Charlie a half hour ago I was coming up here to study. Books were open, no studying was getting done. Who could study when they were waiting for news from their werewolf friends as to whether or not they got the vampire that was after them?

This was completely nerve racking. It had been a few hours now. Charlie had long since dropped Billy off at home and settled into his recliner for the evening. Whatever had happened had surely happened by now. Jacob would have to let me know something soon. Wouldn't he? I hoped he would. I'd go crazy from lack of news if I sat here much longer.

A knock on the front door broke through the silence of the house. I jumped at the unexpected sound, dropping my pencil in the process. I glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten at night. Jacob didn't knock. He let himself in as if he were walking into his own home unless Charlie was asleep in which case he'd take the window option. Clearly this wasn't Jacob and no one I needed to concern myself with. I picked up my pencil as they knocked again.

It wasn't Alice either, I told myself. Her knock was distinct, short and sharp. Charlie had commented on it a number of times before she'd decided she no longer needed to knock and also commenced to letting herself in as she pleased.

It could have been someone from the police station. Or maybe someone on our street was having, I don't know, car trouble. It could be anything, I told myself. I didn't need to worry about it. If whoever was at the door needed me, Charlie would let me know. There was no need for me to be this obsessive about a knock on the police chief's door.

But what if Jacob had gotten hurt? What if one of the other wolves were here to tell me Jacob was injured - or worse? I had to find out. I closed my book and left out my room, planning on spying from the top of the stairs. I heard our visitor before I saw them.

"Hello Chief Swan," said a musical voice. I gasped and rushed the last few steps to the stair landing. Rosalie was standing in our entryway. Rosalie. What on earth was she doing here?

"Evening," Charlie greeted, eyeing her. "Can I help you miss?"

"Well, I was hoping Bella was home," Rosalie said sweetly. "I need to speak with her."

"Bella is upstairs studying," Charlie informed her. "And it's rather late - she has school in the morning, just as you do I suppose." Charlie was trying to politely point out that it was too late for a social visit. Rosalie flashed her beautiful smile at him, a long lock of blonde hair falling over her shoulder.

"I actually graduated from Forks High last year," she told him. "I don't think I've introduced myself, forgive me for being rude. I'm Rosalie Cullen." Rosalie held her hand out towards Charlie.

"A Cullen," he grumbled, begrudgingly shaking her hand.

"Yes," Rosalie agreed casually. "I'm Edward and Alice's older sister." Charlie made a face at the mention of Edward's name.

"I thought you all had moved to LA," he stated, not moving from the doorframe to let Rosalie in.

"We did," she confirmed. "But we actually just moved back a few days ago. Esme absolutely loathed LA and Carlisle wasn't too fond of the hospital there either. We missed Forks - and our friends - too much."

Charlie grunted in response. The idea of having Edward close again was too much for him.

"Chief Swan, I know it's late and I apologize for disturbing you but I really do need to speak to Bella," Rosalie tried again. "It's urgent." I heard the hint of urgency in her voice and was down the stairs in a flash with no doubt she knew I'd been standing on the landing the entire time.

"I'm here," I said, a bit breathless. "Hi Rosalie."

Charlie remained silent, watching me closely.

"Bella," she replied, saying my name with relief. "Bella, I'm so sorry for bothering you so late but as I told Chief Swan, it's urgent." I eyed her closely. Her face was carefully arranged to be polite, friendly masking something I couldn't quite place. The concern I felt over Jacob while upstairs now grew and expanded to include Edward and the other Cullen's as well.

"Come in Rose," I said. I stepped aside to let her in, pulling at Charlie's arm to get him to do the same. He did but by the look on his face, it wasn't willingly.

"Thanks Bella, Chief Swan," she said, gliding past me. She surprised me by reaching out and squeezing my shoulder as she passed. The three of us entered the kitchen. Charlie took a seat at the table. I leaned on the counter while Rosalie stood in the center of the kitchen.

"Won't you sit down Rosalie?" Charlie asked with forced politeness. I mentally chided him for being rude to company even if the company had been known to be less than pleasant with me on occasion.

"No, thank you. I don't have a lot of time," she replied. She flashed a glance at me.

"What's wrong Rosalie?" I asked. "What's so urgent?" She sighed heavily, her face betraying her for a brief moment before she pulled herself back together. My stomach turned over. Something was very wrong. My intuition told me it was Edward.

"Bella, it's Edward…," she began. My stomach flipped once more as she confirmed my fears. Charlie quickly turned a scoff into a cough.

"What is it?" I asked again, my own voice now urgent. Rosalie fidgeted with the assortment of bangle bracelets on her wrist before raising her eyes to look into mine.

"He was in an accident earlier this afternoon and he's hurt - badly."

My heart stopped. Edward hadn't been in an accident. He had crossed paths with Victoria. And apparently, she had hurt him. I was afraid to know just how bad it was. If it had brought Rosalie to me, it wasn't good.

"An accident? There haven't been any accidents reported anywhere near here today, not even a fender bender," Charlie stated.

"It wasn't near here," Rosalie told him. "It was about an hour outside of LA. Edward was on his way here. He stayed back a few days to finish up a couple of tests and turn in a paper to make transferring his grades back to Forks easier." It was a convincing enough lie. There were multiple accidents in and around LA every day and Rosalie had left the location intentionally vague.

"How bad is he hurt?" I asked. Charlie grumbled something unintelligible - to me at least - under his breath. Rosalie had heard him however. She shot him a dirty look before addressing me.

"There's broken bones, lots of cuts. He's unconscious. They were still working on him the last report any of us got. Esme and Carlisle left a couple of hours ago to fly down to him. But Bella, the doctor said he was asking for you before he slipped out of consciousness. We were hoping you would come down to LA with the rest of us. He needs all the love and support he can get right now and since he was asking for you, we're really - really - hoping you'll go with us. Things don't look too good right now." Her voice broke as the last sentence left her full lips.

"Of course I'll go," I said, already moving towards the stairs to grab a few things, my heart racing, the last several months no longer mattering.

"No you won't," Charlie informed me. "You have…" He searched for a convincing reason. "School - and stuff." I whirled around, ready to argue with Charlie. Rosalie saved me the trouble.

"I know this is a bad time but Bella's a smart girl, she'll keep up with her studies while she's gone - I'll help her. It'll just be a few days, a week tops," Rosalie begged, something I doubted she'd ever had to do before. "Please Charlie, I know you don't like my brother - after what he did to Bella I can hardly blame you - but please know that he has suffered as much as she has the last several months and that he needs her now. I can honestly tell you that he needs her to get through this. Please, please let Bella come with us." She unleashed the power of her eyes then.

Rosalie was good. Damn good. Charlie was melting into a pile of goo right in front of me.

"I'll look after her and you know Alice will and so will our brothers Jasper and Emmett," she continued. "Not to mention that Carlisle and Esme will be at Edward's side every second. I'll make her check in with you several times a day if it would make you feel better."

I held my breath, waiting for Charlie's reply.

"Well I might not like the boy but I don't want him to - suffer - I guess," Charlie grumbled. I suppressed a scoff of my own. As if Charlie cared whether or not Edward suffered. "And Esme and Carlisle are good people," he continued muttering, talking himself into letting me go. "Alice is a doll and you seem like a nice girl. If your promise to look after Bella, not let anyone - and I do many anyone - hurt her…," both Rosalie and I knew 'anyone' was Edward, "then I guess it's okay."

"Great!" Rosalie exclaimed. She looked relieved. "Bella, go grab your things, fast as you can. We're leaving from the Port Angeles airport in less than two hours. We need to get going."

I was out of the kitchen and up the stairs in record time. I grabbed for the first clothes my hands fell on, threw some underwear in my bag, and raced across the hall to get my toiletries. My heart was pounding. Something had happened to Edward and I was about to be reunited with him, at least in some capacity. My head was swirling, my adrenaline rushing. I was back downstairs in seven minutes.

"I'm ready," I announced, again out of breath. Rosalie was out of the kitchen chair she'd perched in and at the door before I'd crossed into the hallway.

"Um, Bells, here, take this," Charlie said, pulling a credit card out of his wallet. "Rosalie said the Cullens had purchased you a plane ticket already but you'll need food and lodging. Keep up with your schoolwork, call me a few times a day, and please, please look after yourself."

I nodded, touched by Charlie's gesture. I hugged him quickly, aware of just how much he didn't want me to go to Edward.

"I'll watch out for myself," I promised him. "Thank you," I added.

"I'll keep her safe," Rosalie said, grabbing my bag from me. "Come on Bella, we need to get going."

I followed Rosalie to her convertible. She tossed my car in the back, got in, and had my door open before I was around to my side.

"It was Victoria, wasn't it?" I asked, shutting my door and reaching for my seatbelt.

"Yes," Rosalie said through gritted teeth. "That bitch damn nearly killed my brother. But don't worry. We took care of her."

The pure hatred in Rosalie's voice was not missed.

"How bad is he hurt?" I asked anxiously.

"Like I said earlier, he's got broken bones - his arm, some ribs. She bit him many times and the wounds aren't healing. And, he's unconscious."

"How?" I demanded. "Vampires can't sleep and from what I know, injuries heal almost instantly."

"It's complicated," Rosalie said, speeding towards the Cullen mansion. "Carlisle can explain it better than I can."

"Is he going to be okay?" I continued firing questions, desperate to know what was going on. Rosalie sighed.

"We don't know," she answered heavily. "Alice can't see the outcome - it's undecided - and he's much too weak - he hasn't hunted in quite some time. He needs to fight but after the way he behaved this afternoon and the things he said, I don't know that he will."

"What happened this afternoon?" I pressed, my voice high. I felt the tears forming.

"We - the whole family - argued. It's the least of our concerns right now." Rosalie turned to me. Apparently speeding down a winding wet road and not so much as glancing at it was a trait all the Cullens shared.

"Bella, listen, I know you're probably furious with Edward…"

"No," I interrupted. "Not really." And it was true. Hurt, yes. Scared of what I was walking into, definitely. Maybe a little angry? Yeah. Furious? Far from it.

"He really does love you Bella. I know I haven't been so nice to you in the past - I envy you for being human, something else that's the least of our problems right now - but I know what you mean to Edward, how much he truly loves you. Right before he passed out, he called out for you. We need him to fight right now and if you're there by his side, we can't help but think he'll fight as hard as he can to come back."

I was truly scared now. Things were far worse then Rosalie was letting on, that I could tell.

"I never stopped loving him," I admitted quietly. Rosalie gave me a small smile despite the situation.

"I know you haven't," she said. "That's why you're here. And Bella, I promise you, he never stopped loving you."

We pulled into the Cullen's driveway then. I started unbuckling, alleviating one more obstacle standing between Edward and I. The house came into view and my heart jumped to my throat about the same time the tears started falling. For some reason, the word 'home' popped into my mind. Rosalie pulled the car into the garage.

"Bella," she said, catching my hand before I could get the door open. "You should know, before you go in, that Alice saw Edward had planning on coming to you this evening and asking for your forgiveness."

I didn't know what to say. Tears poured down my face. A million thoughts raced through my head and my stomach flip flopped yet again, making me feel nauseous. It sounded too good to be true, Edward still loving me, planning to ask for my forgiveness. Rosalie squeezed my hand and gave me the best smile she could under the circumstances.

"Go to Edward," she said. I didn't have to be told twice. I rushed inside and, blinded by tears, practically collided with Alice.

"Alice!" I gasped, reaching for her to steady myself.

"Bella!" she hugged me tightly for a moment then grabbed my had and started dragging me toward the stairs.

"Rose has already told you the basics about what's going on and that Edward was coming to you tonight, right?" she asked.

"The very basics, yes," I confirmed, not addressing the part about Edward coming to met. It was best to ignore that part for now. Alice already had me up the first flight of stairs.

"Carlisle is waiting for you in Edward's room. He's going to explain what's going on. He's kicked Jasper and Emmett out of there for the time being. They're in their rooms, fretting. Esme is in there waiting to see you. She'll give you a quick hug and then she'll leave you alone with Edward and Carlisle. I'll be in Jasper and I's room with Jasper."

I could only nod and try to force the tears to stop falling. We were at Edward's door now.

"Brace yourself Bella," Alice warned. "You aren't used to seeing Edward like this."

Alice swung the door open and allowed me to enter first. I gasped and stopped in my tracks, my hand flying to my mouth.

"Edward," I whispered. He was there, right there in front of me, just as beautiful as ever and yet nowhere near his normal self. He was lying perfectly still on a bed I didn't recognize, Esme and Carlisle at his side. I registered that there were boxes shoved against the wall opposite the door, his sofa shoved against them to make room for the bed. His eyes were closed, his color paler than his normal pale. A brace was on his left arm. He had several bandages covering his arms and torso. I felt faint. Alice's arm was around me.

"Focus Bella," she said. "You're going to faint if you don't. Edward needs you. You can do this," her calm voice whispered. I nodded and forced myself to take a few deep breaths. I felt better. Alice released me and I took a tentative step towards him.

"Oh Bella!" Esme cried, rushing to me and throwing her arms around me. She hugged me tightly, her face buried in my hair. I hugged her back. She stroked my hair. "Oh how I've missed you! How we've all missed you! Thank you for coming," she whispered. "Thank you Bella." I could only nod. She let me go only to hug me once more before Alice took her hand and together, they left the room.

"Come sit Bella," Carlisle directed. His voice scared me. It was far too solemn. Wordlessly, I went to the chair Esme had just abandoned. I ached to reach out, touch Edward, talk to him. I wasn't sure what to say though, what to do, or even if I should. This all seemed so surreal.

"It's okay Bella. Take his hand, talk to him. Let him know you're here," Carlisle told me, seeming to know what I was thinking. "I'm just going to check him over quickly, then we'll talk."

Hand shaking, I took Edward's hand in mine. His even colder than normal skin sent shivers through me that had nothing to do with the chill.

"Edward," I said softly. "It's me, Bella." I stopped, wiping fresh tears away from my face with my free hand. Carlisle gave me a nod of encouragement.

"Rosalie and Alice said you asked for me so here I am," I said. "I'm here."

"Ask him to squeeze your hand," Carlisle directed, fussing with the sling for the second time since I'd sat down.

"Edward, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," I asked softly. I waited as did Carlisle. Nothing. Carlisle sighed and muttered the word 'time' to himself. I felt his discouragement.

"Carlisle, what's happening? Vampires don't fall into comas and their wounds heal rapidly," I asked. "Because I'm not understanding and both Rosalie and Alice said you'd explain!" I was scared, panicked. Everything that had happened in the woods all those months ago really didn't matter now. Edward was lying here, fighting for his life. I needed to know why - and what I could do to help him.

Carlisle sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.

"It's complicated Bella," he began. "What's happened to Edward - there are only seven other documented cases that I've found. Now, I'm sure you know by now that Edward fought Victoria this afternoon."

I nodded, Edward's colder than normal hand held firmly in mine.

"The best way I can explain it is to compare our venom to human blood. Now Bella, human blood types generally cannot mix. If a person has type A blood, they cannot get type B, right?"

Again, I nodded, recalling that scientific bit from biology - of all classes.

"Victoria bit Edward multiple times," Carlisle continued. I ran a hand over the nearest bandage, hating her even more. "Her venom mixed with Edward's. Normally, that isn't a big deal. A scar is left and the wound heals by day's end. But Edward's venom reacted adversely to hers - their types are different so to speak. All of his defenses have been significantly weakened and, as much as I hate it, he's probably in a lot of pain." Carlisle looked frustrated as he watched his motionless, unconscious son.

"Will he be okay?" I asked so softly I wasn't sure if even vampire ears could hear me.

"That depends on how hard he's willing to fight," Carlisle replied sadly. He affectionately laid a hand across Edward's forehead as a human would to check for a fever.

"You said there were seven documented cases," I reminded him. "How many of them made it?"

"Three," Carlisle confessed.

"Three…," I repeated. Three had made it. Three of seven. Those odds weren't good enough, not good enough at all.

"And when you say it depends on how hard he's willing to fight, what, exactly, does that mean?"

"It means Edward is in a lot of pain right now, quite possibly unbearable pain. Victoria tore his arm off in battle. I was able to reattach it but she crushed his bones which are growing back at an incredibly slow rate for a vampire. She also broke several of his ribs, not to mention the various bite marks. It may get to a point that it's easier for him to give up than to fight through the pain." Carlisle sighed heavily. "Edward hasn't been in a good way as of late. Frankly Bella, I'm concerned he won't fight at all."

I stared at Carlisle.

"You're afraid he's going to give up," I accused. Carlisle looked grave as he nodded.

"That's why you're here Bella. He asked for you before he lost consciousness. He's had a hard time - to say the least - since he left you. I don't know how you feel about Edward and no one will blame you if you want nothing to do with him, but we're hoping that you do and that you being here will give Edward a reason to come back to us." Carlisle's voice broke at the end. Tears freely poured down my face.

"He may have stopped loving me but I never stopped loving him - I couldn't, I can't, and I won't," I declared.

"I didn't think you had," Carlisle agreed quietly. He stood then and tenderly pulled a blanket over Edward. I raised an eyebrow. Carlisle chuckled.

"It's completely unnecessary," he confirmed. "It's just - habit I guess, what I do in the hospital when I leave a particularly sick patient's room. Of course, it's a tad different when it's your own son…" Carlisle gave me a weak smile before he turned to leave. I squeezed Edward's hand and reached out with my free hand to touch his cheek. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes.

"Bella?" Carlisle called from the doorway.

"Yes?" I asked.

"He never stopped loving you either - not for a second." Then he was gone.

I closed my eyes, tried again to regain some control of the waterspouts. I wanted desperately to believe Carlisle, Alice, and Rosalie, believe Edward still loved me and always had. But I couldn't allow my hopes to rise. The Cullens seemed to think my being here with Edward was good for him. Despite what it would do to me if - when - he woke up and told me once more he no longer loved me, I was going to do everything I could to help him. If I was going to lose him twice, it wasn't going to be to death.

"Edward," I whispered, my hand running through his bronzed hair. "Please, please fight."


	19. Apologies

**This wasn't my **_**intended**_** update. I had something you all have been waiting for all worked up. Then I got to thinking and thought this stuff was something that needed to be done, not only in my story but also in the book, and wrote this update which means the one after it now has to be rewritten because it no longer works. I apologize for the delay - school has started back and between taking 18 hours, my sorority, and the media stuff I do, my time is largely taken up these days. Hopefully I'll have the next update up in a couple of days though! And really, you're getting two updates in one as I've got two POVs in here as they were both short. Also, remember that poor Edward is hearing all of this even though he can't do anything about it. Really sucks to be him… **

**I see I have some new reviewers -- THANK YOU!!! Please, let me know what you think as always. I love reading your reviews! **

**Alice's POV**

I crossed my legs. I uncrossed my legs. I opened my new magazine, flipped a few pages, and closed it. I tucked my legs under me. I untucked them a few moments later. I tapped my fingers to an anxious beat on the arm of the sofa.

"Oh for crying out loud Alice! Go upstairs and visit them if it will shut you up!" Rosalie finally snapped from behind the latest issue of 'Car and Driver'.

"I'm not saying anything!" I protested.

"No, you're just shuffling around like a lost sheep!" she retorted.

"Girls," Carlisle warned though his voice lacked authority, his mind focused on his son. "Alice, go up and say hello to Bella and see your brother. Rose is right - all this shifting around you're doing is rather distracting."

"Really?" I asked, unable to hide my excitement. There was an unspoken rule that we were to leave Edward and Bella largely alone for a good long while. Carlisle only nodded and kept his eyes on his laptop, searching for ways to get blood into Edward though I doubted googling 'feed a comatosed vampire' was going to yield any search results..

"Tell her I've sent Emmett to that Italian place she likes so much," Esme appeared in the living room. "It's nearing lunchtime and lord knows she needs to eat." I nodded in agreement before slipping out of the room. I heard Esme yet again questioning Carlisle about his progress on feeding Edward. She was on a mission to make sure both Edward and Bella were well taken care of.

I felt nearly giddy as I raced up the stairs. I wanted to see my brother, talk to Bella. And I had some information to pass along that I'd somehow managed to keep to myself for the last three hours in an effort to make sure Bella was the first one who heard it.

"Bella?" I asked, tapping on the door before opening it. I smiled at the sight before me. Bella hadn't left Edward's side, not even for a human moment, for over twelve hours now. She had, at least, gotten a little bit of sleep as she'd dosed in the chair next to him. She was sitting in that chair now, his hands in hers, just staring at him.

"Hey Alice," she breathed, turning to face me. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face tearstained. I got the impression the only reason she wasn't crying now was because all of her tears had been used up. I wandered over to the chair on Edward's opposite side.

"Esme said to tell you she's sent Emmett to that Italian place in Port Angeles to get your lunch. And Bella, don't dare bother telling her you're not hungry. She will force feed you, trust me." I tapped my temple, having seen that Esme was hell bent on making Bella eat.

"I'll try," Bella relented. "But I'm really not hungry."

"Not now you aren't," I said knowingly. Bella rolled her eyes.

I turned my attention to my brother and nearly smirked at the sight of him in bed with a blanket tucked around him. I could see the reasoning behind the bed - Esme had been right about it being much more comfortable than his couch would have been for a long period of time - but the blanket was completely unnecessary. Nonetheless, I adjusted it around him.

"So I have news…" I hinted, not looking at Bella.

"Is it about Edward?" Bella guessed instantly, sitting up straighter. "What did you see Alice? Is he going to be okay?"

"He was going to be okay the moment you walked into this house," I informed her. "I don't need my visions to tell me that - I know my brother." Bella said nothing so I continued. "A few hours ago, I saw him waking up. I don't know when it's going to happen - soon I'd guess but I'm not sure - but he's definitely going to wake up." Bella's eyes filled with fresh tears.

"Really?" she squeaked, looking lovingly at Edward.

"Yep," I confirmed. "And I even know what the first words out of his mouth will be."

"What?" Bella inquired. I produced a handkerchief I had snagged out of the laundry earlier, knowing I'd need it when I went to see Bella - again, not because I'd needed my visions to know that.

"Now that's for you to find out, isn't it?" I teased, passing it to her. Bella managed a weak smile, knowing she wasn't going to get anything else out of me.

For a while, we sat together, me watching her, her watching Edward, occasionally running a hand through his hair or else adjusting the blanket. I couldn't help my personal critique of her. She was far too thin -one of the reasons for Esme's over the top Italian food order - the bags under her eyes were similar to ours if we didn't hunt for long periods of time. Her normally glowing hair was dull, lifeless. She was paler than normal. Really, the only thing separating her from being one of us was the fact that her heart still beat.

_She needs you Edward. She needs you as much as you need her. Come back here and fix this, _I thought, hoping he could hear. I reached across the bed and took Bella's hand. There was something I needed to do, something I should have done at the coffee shop but I had been so worried about bringing her and Edward back together, two halves of a whole, that I hadn't.

"Bella?"

"Yes Alice?"

"I want - need - to apologize to you," I began. I couldn't remember when I'd felt more nervous.

"For what?" Bella asked. She looked confused.

"For leaving you," I told her, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I hated it. I hated having to leave, having to know what you were going to go through, not being able to at least say goodbye. I was trying to do what was right. I was trying to support my brother - we all were - even if I hated him for what he was going to do. Regardless, we knew how hard it was for him. And then Jasper, he needed me too. I was being pulled in so many directions… I'm sorry Bella. I'm truly, truly sorry."

I held my breathe, waiting for Bella to say something.

"Okay," she said simply. Okay?

"Okay?" I asked. "Is that it?"

"I forgive you," she said, her eyes falling back to Edward.

"But Bella - we left! We hurt you!" I wanted her to get mad at me. I wanted her to yell and scream and tell me what a horrible friend I'd been to her and yet she says 'okay, I forgive you'.

"Yeah," she said softly. Her fingers gazed Edward's cheek. I was certain he knew she was there.

"But he hurt you most of all," I said, suddenly understanding. After a moment of hesitation, Bella nodded.

"It's easier to be so forgiving of you," she said quietly. "It's complicated. He's your family."

"No, I get it," I said, shaking my head. "You love him. You love him so much it scares you, makes you crazy. You're willing to do anything for him, literally willing to give up your mortality for him. And yet, right now, despite how much you love him, you're furious at him."

"I'm not furious…" Bella protested.

"Bella, you are. I saw you tell Rosalie you weren't but I don't buy that. He left you. He left you and made all of us leave you too. You're our family too Bella. We left you and personally, I think you should be pretty damn livid with all us. But you're able to forgive us more or less because it wasn't us that hurt you directly. It was Edward. You two have a lot to work out. And you will, eventually. It's just going to take some time."

I waited for Bella to say something. She didn't but that didn't surprise me. Her concern was Edward and it would be until his eyes opened again.

"You and Rosalie and Carlisle have all said things about how Edward has been. Rosalie said the family argued. What's going on?" Bella asked.

"Being without you has been very hard on him," I told her truthfully. "He was very withdrawn, depressed. The argument happened right before he and Victoria fought. Things were said that definitely hit home. There's a lot to hash out once he's past this." Bella only nodded. The smell of Italian food wafted up to me though I doubted Bella could smell it quite yet.

"Bella, the food is here. Why don't you go downstairs, eat?" I nudged. Bella shook her head.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Bella, you need to eat. You haven't left that chair in hours. I imagine you need a human moment or two as well. Edward won't wake up while you're gone. If something changes, I'll get you. Do this for Esme if nothing else. She's beside her self with worry - for both you and Edward."

Bella sighed.

"Fine," she agreed. "But you'll come get me if anything happens?" she asked.

"The very second," I confirmed.

"And you'll stay with him?" she continued. "He shouldn't be alone."

"I won't leave his side," I promised.

"Okay." She made to leave the room but I stood and hugged her.

"I love you Bella," I whispered.

"Love you too Alice," she replied. She squeezed me a little tighter then left the room.

**Bella's POV**

I really didn't want to leave Edward's side but Alice was right. I needed a human moment. I needed to use the bathroom and as much as I hated to admit it, I was starving.

"Bella!" Esme exclaimed, taking an aluminum and plastic dish out of a paper bag. "Alice told you dinner was here I expect!" She had her arms around me before I knew she was moving towards me.

"Bella dear, I'm so glad to have you back," she whispered, her hands running over my hair. I felt tears stinging my eyes. "We never should have left. It was a foolish decision, one I know Edward regrets with every moment of every day. We're going to make this right though, for you and for him."

"I missed you too," was all I could mange to say. Esme pulled away from me, lovingly brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes, and gave me a smile.

"This is all going to be okay," she said again, as much for herself as for me. "Now have a seat. No offense dear but you look terrible. You need food and I for one am going to make sure you get it." I couldn't help but smile as I sat down at the Cullen's kitchen table. Despite how things were with Edward, I hadn't felt this good, this at home, since before they had left.

"You didn't have to get all of this Esme," I protested as Esme sat dish after dish down in front of me.

"I didn't know what you'd like the best and I didn't want to interrupt you with Edward. He needs to hear your voice now more than ever. I just had them fix up a little bit of everything. We'll save what you don't eat for leftovers," Esme said simply. I fixed myself a plate of various scoops of pasta and grabbed a couple of breadsticks. Esme watched me like a hawk.

"Eat well now Bella," she said. She walked over to me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm going to go upstairs and sit with Edward for a while. Just put your dishes in the sink when you're done. I'll wash them later." As if I were going to let her wash my dishes after she'd bought all this food.

I was enjoying a piece of ravioli several minutes later, far hungrier than I'd realized, when I heard footsteps that could only belong to Emmett approaching.

"A human!" he sang out as he walked into the kitchen. "I was wondering if you were ever going to leave Edward's side long enough for me to see you!" He snatched me up in a bone crushing hug.

"Emmett!" I gasped. "I - need - to - breathe!" Emmett quickly dropped me back into my chair.

"Sorry Bella. I forget you have to do all that human stuff." He joined me at the table.

"You know," I said, reaching for a breadstick, "you could have come in to Edward's room, visited both of us." I had noticed that no one had come in since I'd been there, save for Carlisle checking up on Edward from time to time.

"We've been trying to give you two some time alone together - well, sort of. I guess it's not really 'alone time' if one of you is out cold but whatever. I did peek in several hours ago. You were asleep then. I didn't stay long. And besides, the family isn't exactly high on Edward's favorite people list these days," Emmett admitted. I knew I could get information out of Emmett if I worked him just right.

"I heard you all argued," I said casually.

"Yeah. I was more or less an innocent bystander. The argument was mainly Edward versus Alice which turned into Edward versus Jasper then Edward versus Carlisle. He gave Alice hell for visiting you. I was pretty much there to keep the fight from turning physical."

"Why did he get mad at Jasper? And Carlisle?" I questioned. I knew Edward had a temper but it was unlike him to strike an attitude of any sort with Carlisle. He loved and respected him too much.

"Well," Emmett hesitated. "He sort of - blames - Jasper I guess, for this whole mess. I don't know that things will ever be okay between the two of them."

"This is not Jasper's fault!" I exclaimed. "Not in the least!"

"Edward thinks so and honestly, so does Jasper. Poor guy has hardly been able to stand being around us all these months. I think the only reason he's stayed is to help Esme. It would've killed her if another one of left. Rose and I tried to take another honeymoon but both of us felt so guilty we came right back. Honestly Bella, things are a mess in this family. A huge mess."

"And Carlisle?" I pressed.

"Carlisle was trying to calm him down. He took Alice's side about telling you we were back. Basically, he decided it was time to stop following Edward's wishes and live as we damn well pleased. Edward flipped out, said a lot of things that, honestly, I think he meant. He left again with the intention of not coming back but Alice seen what was going to happen with Victoria. It took a while to track him down. We barely made it to him before it was too late." Emmett shifted his gaze downward. I could it upset him to talk about Edward's brush with death.

"What did Edward say?" I asked quietly. I was torn between not making Emmett discuss this anymore and finding out more but my curiosity overpowered my ability to let it go.

"Stuff," Emmett answered. "He was thinking about going to Volterra, asking the Volturi to end his life." I gasped, remembering what Edward had told me about the Volturi. Alice hadn't been very clear on the whole depressed thing. She hadn't mentioned suicidal at all. "He said some pretty rotten things to Jasper especially."

"Edward," I whispered. What had happened to him? The picture of him I was piecing together from the information I'd gathered from the others wasn't a pleasant one. I heard Rosalie call Emmett's name from somewhere in the house.

"That's my cue," Emmett said, standing. "We're going to go hunting but we'll be staying close to home - just in case." I nodded. Having cleaned my plate - and eaten a second helping of a couple of things - I stood and started towards the sink with my dishes. Naturally, I tripped over my own two feet. Emmett caught me before I hit the ground, dishes and all. He let out a big laugh.

"Oh how I've missed you!" he sang out. He hugged me quickly before letting me go and mussing my hair.

"Thanks Emmett," I said, a small smile forming on my face. I really had missed that guy.

"Anytime - though whenever Edward wakes up, I'm sure my services won't be needed as often." He left the kitchen then, chucking to himself. I quickly washed my dishes and put the leftovers away, thinking about Edward and the mess the Cullen family was the entire time. I hated they were in shambles over me. I started upstairs with the intention of returning to Edward's side but at the top of the first flight, I caught sight of Alice and Jasper's bedroom door. It was open.

"Jasper?" I called in a normal voice.

"Bella?" he called back. I wandered over to their door.

"Can I come in?" I asked timidly from the doorway. Jasper and I locked eyes for a moment before he nodded hesitantly.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he replied. He was sitting at a desk, working on what looked to be a model plane. I remembered what Alice said about his fascination with models and wondered if this was some sort of nervous habit or way to preoccupy himself.

"How are you Jasper?" I asked tentatively.

"All right," he replied. He wouldn't look at me.

"Really?" I asked.

"Well, I'm worried about Edward but who isn't?"

I sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. I decided the best way to do what I wanted to do was to just jump right in.

"Jasper, I don't blame you for anything," I told him pointblank. He put down the tube of glue in his hand but didn't look at me.

"It's my fault Bella," he said softly. "I tried to attack you, kill you. I tried to _kill_ you Bella. All of this is my fault." His voice was full of agony.

"No Jasper, it's not. You can't help what you are. And you didn't hurt me. None of you did. At least not right then. The only thing anyone did to hurt me was leave!" My voice broke and tears yet again sprang to my eyes. Jasper winced. I felt even worse for putting my jumble of emotions off on him. I could only imagine how hard things had been for him as of late.

"Bella, we wouldn't have left if I hadn't tried to attack you," he pointed out.

"Jasper, please, I'm trying to tell you I don't blame you. I don't hold you responsible. I don't want you to feel bad about this anymore. I know you and Edward have stuff to work out and I believe you will…"

"No Bella, I seriously doubt we will," Jasper interrupted. "You might not blame me for some odd reason but Edward does, just as he should." I sighed heavily.

"Jasper, I hate this. I hate that your family is so miserable. I blame myself for that…"

"Why?" Jasper interrupted again.

"Because!" I exclaimed. "If Edward had never - fallen in love or whatever - with me then this never would have happened!" Jasper looked at me for a long moment.

"You doubt that Edward loves you," he finally said. "You doubt that he's ever loved you." Slowly, I nodded my head. Jasper shook his.

"Bella, do you remember, when Alice and I were in Phoenix with you and you were freaking out about something very similar, my family risking themselves for you to be exact, and I told you that none of us wanted to look into Edward's eyes for the next 100 years if he lost you?"

I swallowed hard and nodded my head again. Jasper continued:

"We all know what it's like now, to look in his eyes after he's lost you. It's painful - excruciating. He loves you Bella. If there is anything in your life you can believe with complete certainty, it's that he loves you."

I didn't know what to say. Jasper took his chance to get rid of me.

"Go back to Edward, Bella. He needs you." Once again, I only nodded.

I slipped out of Jasper and Alice's room and caught a glimpse of Jasper picking up his glue again. I wasn't the one who needed to talk to him. Edward was. Everything seemed to depend on Edward and the longer he stayed comatosed, the worse things were going to get.


	20. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE! **

**First of all, THANK YOU for all of your reviews! I'm excited to see new reviewers as well as all the wonderful thoughts and advice from those who have been reading since the beginning so THANK YOU and please keep them coming! **

**I've got the next update in the works. Depending on how long it takes to get my Spanish homework done, I may get it posted tonight. If I don't, look for it Sunday night as I'm going away on a sisterhood retreat with my sorority tomorrow - we picked - literally - the coldest day(s) in over a decade to pack up for a cabin in the mountains! I'll be back on Sunday afternoon though and will update then if I don't get it up tonight! (January 15) **

**Thanks for reading! **

**Sarah**


	21. Awake

_**I know, I know. This one took a while and I apologize. School is crazy busy, not to mention my sorority stuff. This past week I managed to go on a sisterhood retreat, attend an online journalism conference, train to be a deejay at my university's radio station, and spend far too many hours on math homework. Really - who needs math? Anywho… This update is LONG, maybe even too long, but I wanted to get everyone in there. Let me know what you think! **_

_**As always, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my reviewers!!! Thank you too to the new reviews! 3**_

_**Edward POV**_

_During my hundred or so years as a vampire, I had thought being able to hear other's thoughts was the worst thing that could happen to me. Far too many times, I'd heard things I regretted, everything from the escapades Mike Newton thought of concerning Bella to random people on the street, plotting heinous crimes or fretting over dark secrets that would destroy their very essence. I had thought that was as bad as it could get for me, knowing everyone's - save for Bella's - true thoughts, darkest secrets and deepest fears. But I had been wrong. Far, far wrong. _

_Lying here, helpless, while my venom fought off Victoria's venom was the worst thing that had happened to me, second only to losing Bella. My family was falling apart. Bella was falling apart. __I_ was falling apart. All of this had been my doing, my creation. I needed desperately to open my eyes, to start on the very long road of making things right again. Being unable to do so was tearing me apart.

I had picked Alice's brain the entire time she'd been at my side. Through her mind, I had been able to see Bella. My cold heart broke over and over again. The pain I still felt from my injuries was nothing compared to the guilt coursing through me. I had blocked out anything else she had been thinking that wasn't Bella related for purely selfish reasons. I couldn't deal with the knowledge of any of her other thoughts right now, particularly those concerning Jasper.

I had heard Emmett's observation of her, had listened to Bella trying to pry information out of him. I had heard Esme and Alice's apologies to her. Every time I dropped in on Esme all I heard was the desire to bring her family back together, to help me, to help Bella. It hurt to hear her in so much pain. I hadn't had the courage to listen in on Carlisle or Jasper. I felt a sense of dread over when the time came to face them. I was at a loss for what to say - to anyone really but particularly to them and to Bella.

But I had to come up with something. Alice saw me waking up soon. Thank God. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take smelling Bella, feeling her warm touch, her occasional tears hitting my arm but not being able to physically see her, touch her. I couldn't stand only the second hand looks at how badly I was hurt. I needed to know what I was dealing with and I needed Bella. My door creaked open again.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice rang out.

"Hi Carlisle," she greeted. She sounded defeated.

"How is he?" I watched Bella shrug through Carlisle's eyes.

"The same I guess," she said. "But I'm not the doctor." I heard Carlisle chuckle.

"Alice says he'll be waking soon. I hope soon is very soon - I haven't come up with a way to feed him and Esme is ready to serve up my head on a platter for being at a loss."

To my relief, Bella actually let out a laugh.

I felt Carlisle prodding me. It hurt a bit but it was nothing I couldn't stand. Until he reached my arm.

"Ah!" I groaned, trying to twist away from the source of pain. Silence filled the air for a long moment.

"He… He…" Bella stuttered.

"He's becoming alert," Carlisle confirmed, the doctor in him instantly taking over at the sound of my groan.

"Edward?" he called out. "Can you hear me?"

I tried to tell him yes. To my delight, a gurgling sound came out. I really was coming out of this!

"Edward, listen to me. Bella is here with you. She's holding your hand. Can you give her hand a squeeze?"

Again, I tried. I was pretty sure I managed something.

"He did it!" I heard Bella's excited voice. "It was weak but it was something!"

"Good," Carlisle appraised. "Very good Edward. You're starting to come around. Are you in pain?"

"Ye…," I groaned, trying to get the whole word out, trying to force my eyes to open.

"I'm sorry son but there isn't much I can do for it. Pain killers won't work on us," Carlisle explained.

"Be…" I moaned. "Bel…"

"I'm here," came Bella's voice. "I'm right here." It was sheer music to my ears.

I tried to squeeze her hand again. I was pretty sure it was a little stronger this time. I desperately fought to open my eyes. They were on the verge, so close. The slightest bit of light peeked through them. I continued to will them to open. Knowing Bella was there wasn't enough anymore. I needed to see her.

"Edward, try to rest," Carlisle directed. Rest? That's all I'd been doing for who knew how long. "You need your strength. Don't try to talk right now."

It was easy for him to tell me not to talk. He wasn't the one who had a million things to say to the people he loved. He wasn't the one who needed to fight to win back the love of his life. He wasn't the one who had the weight of the family on his shoulders.

"I…"

"Edward don't," Bella soothed. "Rest now." I felt her warm hand on my cheek. I tilted my head into it. I didn't want to rest. I wanted to wake up, get up from whatever it was I was lying on. But I decided I'd rest as best I could for the next ten minutes or so, build up some energy to use all at once for my next attempt at opening my eyes and speaking. At least, that was my theory. Another wave of pain washed over me and I audibly groaned.

"It's okay," came Bella's soft voice. Her fingers stroked my check. "It's okay." She was there and that was all I needed to believe 'it' was okay. A sound equivalent to thunder rang out, growing louder, closer.

"I said not yet!" Alice's voice yelled over top of all the noise.

"But he's moving around right? And trying to talk? That's good enough for me!" Emmett boomed back. I felt nervous. It seemed as though my entire family was on their way to my room. I preferred it to be just Bella and maybe Carlisle when I woke up. It was all I thought I could handle.

"Quiet down!" Esme chided. My mom. She could be there too, with Bella and Carlisle.

"Maybe we should let him wake up first…," Rosalie timidly suggested. For once, Rosalie had something right.

"Yes!" Alice agreed. "Let him wake up first! He wants to talk to Bella!" I really loved both of my sisters.

My door burst open.

"Quiet!" Carlisle snapped immediately. "He needs peace and quiet, not a herd of cattle breaking down the door!"

"I tried to tell you…" Alice muttered.

_Sorry Edward. I know you want some time with Bella. When you wake up, let them see that you're coherent and then I'll kick them out - or Carlisle will actually. _I knew I could count on Alice.

"Is he really coming to?" Esme asked. She was at my side, across from Bella, her thoughts full of nothing but worry. She took my free hand.

"Yes," Carlisle confirmed. "He's been trying to talk and he's been able to squeeze Bella's hand." I squeezed Esme's hand as best I could to comfort her, offer her evidence that Carlisle was right.

"He squeezed my hand!" she exclaimed. "Oh Edward!"

"Mom.." I muttered, pleased that word was solid. If I could only get my eyes to open, then I could see Bella, tell her what I wanted to be the first words from my mouth.

"I'm here sweetheart," Esme's voice cooed. "I'm right here. And so is Bella. And Carlisle, your sisters, your brother. We're all here." They were all there - except Jasper. Guilt twisted my intestines into knots. I was ashamed to admit I was too chicken to search out his mind in the house and hear exactly why he wasn't there.

"Where's Jasper?" Emmett asked as if he were reading my mind.

"In our room, working on yet another model," Alice answered evenly. _Edward, I know you have a lot to solve with Bella but when you wake up - in just a few minutes by the way - Jasper needs you too. I think you're the only one who can get through to him. _

Bella had tried. I had seen that in Alice's mind. How much it had done, I wasn't sure - again, I had lacked the courage to find out. I chose instead to focus on the fact that I'd be awake soon.

Something similar to dread settled into my bones. I wanted to wake up. I was looking _forward_ to waking up. But I was terrified. Bella was there now but would she take me back? Would she forgive me? Give me a chance to begin the very long road of making things right? And what about my family? Once they saw I was going to be okay, would they forgive me? _Could_ they forgive me? What was I going to say to them? To Bella?

_It's going to be fine Edward, _Alice thought. _It's not going to be easy exactly but it's going to be okay - eventually. _She then showed me images of me and my brothers laughing, Bella and I hand in hand, smiling, the entire family - Bella included - sitting in our living room, playing some sort of game.

I wasn't sure if I found Alice's thoughts comforting. Her visions, yes. But it was the 'eventually' part that made me uneasy. I wasn't naïve or vain enough to think an 'I'm sorry' was going to erase the last several months but I would be lying to myself if I didn't hope a few long, heartfelt conversations would settle things.

Without warning, my eyes started blinking. I inhaled sharply, heard Esme gasp and felt Bella tighten her grip on my hand all at once. Slowly, the small sliver of light that had been forcing it's way through the darkness earlier grew brighter, bigger.

I blinked furiously, trying my best to adjust my vision to this sudden brightness. My family was gasping around me, saying things that sounded like cries of relief. I couldn't focus on that now though. I turned my head towards where I thought Bella should be. A dark shape shifted into the bright light. I concentrated on it, willing it to take a shape I could identify, nearly certain it was Bella.

Slowly, she began coming into focus. If anyone needed a definition of a miracle, I could help them. Seeing Bella's face again after months and months of darkness was the very definition of one. My breath caught in my chest as I drank her in.

Her dark brown eyes stared into my black ones, revealing emotions only I would be able to detect. She was relieved, concerned, scared, worried, tired, and, worst of all, hurt. I had to fix that. She was broken and I had to put her back together again. I felt desperation take over.

"Bella…," I croaked, my eyes locked with hers. "Bella…" I drew in a shaky breath and tried to move towards her. Pain overtook me and I cried out.

"Don't move," Bella ordered, gently putting a hand on my chest to steady me. I had to move, I had to be closer to her. But for once, she was stronger than I was and managed to hold me still - without too much effort. I heard Esme say my name but I ignored her. I needed to tell Bella something.

"Bella…"

"Don't try to talk right now," she answered. She ran a hand over my hair. "Rest."

"Bella," I continued anyway. "I… love… you…," I managed between gasps. I watched tears spring to her eyes.

"I love you too," she whispered quietly, her voice breaking. It killed me to see her like this, heavy bags under her eyes, her cheeks sunken from what I had gathered second hand to be a drastic weight loss.

"I love you," I said again, more firmly. "I love you Bella. I love you. I love you. I'm so sorry Bella. I love you…"

"Shh…," she interrupted, again smoothing my hair back, tears falling freely. "You need to rest right now."

"But…" I wanted to protest. I wanted her to let me tell her all the things I had to tell her. I wanted to grovel.

"Edward." It was Carlisle that interrupted this time. I didn't take my eyes off of Bella.

"Edward, listen to Bella. You're very weak and I'd imagine you're in a lot of pain." I'd forgotten about the pain until he mentioned it. It came to the forefront of my mind like a shot. I involuntarily squeezed Bella's hand tightly. Thankfully, I didn't hurt her - I was far from strong enough for that. "I know there is a lot you want to - say - but for now at least, try and stay calm and quiet, get some of your strength back."

"Please Edward," Bella echoed. Her little hand continued to smooth over my hair. I squeezed my eyes shut but quickly reopened them when I realized I couldn't see Bella. I couldn't lose sight of her now, not after all this time. I nodded, already feeling exhausted from my minimal effort at exerting energy.

"Edward?" came Esme's soft voice again. I had to force my eyes to leave Bella but I gripped her hand still tighter as if to let her know I wasn't going anywhere, not again, not without her.

"Mom," I managed, feeling completely spent. The smile that graced her face was worth the extra energy though.

"It's going to be okay sweetheart," she promised me in a very motherly voice. Her eyes glistened almost as if tears were forming in them. I was momentarily glad Bella was the only one in the room who could cry - between her, Esme, Alice and quite possibly Rosalie, I was certain my room would flood if they could all . "It's all going to be okay."

"I'm sorry," I croaked.

"Not now," she dismissed. "Rest now." Carlisle murmured something about letting the others see me. Esme kissed my forehead before moving away from my side to make room for another family member. Bella tried to do the same but I held onto her as though my life depended on her - really, it did. She didn't protest as she settled back into the chair at my side, my hand still gripping hers.

"Hey bro," came Emmett's booming voice. He appeared at my side moments later. "Good to see you in one piece." I half grinned at him and nodded, knowing my later conversation with him would be significantly easier then some of the others I'd have. I'd have to promise him a few rounds on the Wii - and let him win a few. He moved away and Rosalie filled his spot, looking nervous.

"You're okay," she stated. Her intention wasn't to reassure me. It was reassure herself. She surprised me by bending down and kissing my cheek before disappearing from my view. Then Alice appeared.

"About time," she stated, a glint in her eye. I knew she meant that in more than one way - it was about time I woke up and it was about time I was reunited with Bella. She continued gazing at me, having a silent conversation.

_Do you want to see how it's going to go? _She shifted her eyes quickly to glance at Bella. I thought for a minute. Did I want to know if Bella was going to take me back?

"No," I told her. In case Bella was planning to tell me to go to hell - which I'd hardly blame her if she did - I didn't want to know. I wanted to be able to enjoy the time I had with her right now. Alice nodded.

She leaned down and kissed my cheek as Rosalie had done.

"Patience," she warned in a whispered voice before straightening up. "Okay everyone, get out. Edward wants some time with Bella." I grinned despite the situation. Alice was the tiniest one in the room and quite possibly the scariest.

"But…" Emmett started to protest. Alice opened her mouth to argue.

"Alice is right," Carlisle interjected first. "Edward doesn't need a lot of visitors right now. He needs to rest and regain some of his strength and I'm sure he'd like to spend some time with Bella. You all can come back in a couple of hours." I tightened my grip on Bella's hand even more. There was grumbling but amazingly, everyone complied and left my room, save for Esme who approached my bed - for the first time, it occurred to me to wonder when I'd gotten a bed - and shot Carlisle a look that dared him to tell her to do otherwise.

"Edward, do exactly as Carlisle says, okay?" she half asked, half warned me. "He knows what's best right now." Knows what best… I winced. He had always known what was best. So had Alice. And I had chosen not to listen, ending up where I was now. She kissed my forehead again and left the room. I glanced over at Bella, making sure she was still there even though I had her hand firmly in mine.

"How bad am I?" I asked Carlisle. The words came out strangled and I felt myself fighting to keep from slipping under again.

"Do you know what happened to you?" Carlisle countered, gauging just how much I both remembered and heard while unconscious.

"Victoria attacked. Her venom mixed with mine," I answered, hoping that was enough to explain to him I had heard his explanation of what had happened to me to Bella. Carlisle nodded.

"Victoria bit you multiple times," he informed me. "Your wounds are finally healing though. You'll have scars, some worse than others. I'm afraid it's going to take a few days for them to heal fully though. As long as Victoria's venom is still mixed with yours, all of your healing processes are going to be slow."

I nodded in understanding. I couldn't do much else. The pain I was in seemed to increase. I winced as a particularly sharp pain shot through my body.

"It's okay," came Bella's soothing voice. I squeezed her hand.

"Victoria detached your arm during her attack," Carlisle continued. "It's been reattached though the bones were crushed. It seems to have reattached nicely but your bones are very slowly reforming. That's the source of a lot of your pain and I'm sorry to say you're going to have to put up with that pain for a while yet. I've placed your arm in a sling to make sure everything reforms properly." I nodded again.

"As for the weakness, I'd say you're going to be a little out of it for the next little while. You'll be slipping in and out of consciousness - much like a human would after a trauma like this. Your unconscious states will gradually decline though and you'll be back to normal soon. And finally, I need you to…" he glanced at Bella, "…eat. It's been far too long and that's a reason behind your weakness. Would you be opposed to me bringing you some nourishment in a bit?"

"Don't," I said, also glancing at Bella. I didn't know what Carlisle meant by bringing me nourishment but Bella wasn't going to see me feed and I certainly wasn't letting her out of my sight for something as mundane as eating. I was afraid if I did, she wouldn't come back.

_I was thinking along the lines of bringing you, say, elk in a cup - one Bella can't see through, of course. I know you don't want to be away from her right now but you really do need to eat to regain your strength and fight off Victoria's venom faster. Think of Bella's safety as well, Edward. _

Naturally, he was right. I did need to eat and not because of how weak I had become but because Bella was here with me, her blood tempting me even now despite my ability to overlook it's draw. If I was careful, I could drink from a cup just as Bella would drink her milk in the mornings.

"Okay," I agreed. Carlisle nodded and approached me. He examined me then, him working with purpose, me cringing from time to time, audibly crying out when he reached my arm. Bella remained completely silent, squeezing my hand now and again.

"All done," Carlisle finally announced. He put a hand on the shoulder of my uninjured arm and locked eyes with me.

_You're going to be okay, _he assured me silently. _Concentrate on getting better right now. We can work everything else out later. _

Suddenly I was bursting with the need to tell him how sorry I was, to beg for his forgiveness for all the things I'd said and done, the same desperation I'd felt when I'd told Bella I loved her earlier taking over again.

"I'm sorry dad," I choked out. "So sorry."

_I know. Rest now. _With a light squeeze of my shoulder, he was gone, finally leaving me alone with Bella.

Fear washed over me. I was alone, with Bella. After months of self-inflicted exile, heartache and pain, I was with her again. And I had no idea where to begin. How to begin. What to say. I was suddenly terrified to look at her now, afraid that I'd be met with resentment, anger, both of which I deserved but wasn't ready to face.

"Do you need anything?" came her soft voice. A force I couldn't understand turned me to look at her. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of my beautiful angel sitting mere feet from me.

"Just you," I answered. My eyelids were growing heavy.

"Edward…"

"I'm sorry Bella - so sorry."

"Later," she soothed, running her hand through my hair once again.

"Lay with me," I asked, closing my eyes and revealing in her touch. I expected her to hesitate and planned to grovel. Her hand slipped out of mine. I didn't open my eyes, unwilling to watch her withdraw. Then, I felt the mattress give as she climbed into bed with me.

"I don't want to hurt you," she muttered, gingerly laying down beside me.

"You can't," I told her truthfully. My eyes still tightly closed, I tentatively put an arm around her. She didn't resist, surprising me when she wiggled in just a little closer. I sighed heavily and used the last bit of strength I had to bury my face in her hair and kiss the top of her head.

"I love you Bella - before, now, and always." Then I had no choice but to succumb to one of the bouts of unconsciousness Carlisle had warned me about, my senses filled with my Bella as she lay by my side.


	22. Another Author's Note

Hey everyone!!!

I felt the need to post a quick note to let you all know the next update really is coming - hopefully before this week is out. It's proving to be a bit tougher to write than I thought it would be - I've deleted so many lines of dialogue and rewritten them I'm starting to wonder if I've earned a world record or something. It's from Bella's point of view but Edward is doing a LOT of talking - he's got some explaining to do after all.

So yes, the update is on tap as soon as I get it the way I want it. I have less time to work on it now with school and everything else being in session but it is what it is.  So bear with me!

One more thing…

For some reason, I wasn't getting notifications sent to my email. I changed my email address and… tada!!! I am OVERWHELMED with how many people have added my story to their favorite or added me as a favorite author or added to their alerts or… A lot of you have even done all of the above and what I didn't list to which I am INCREDIBLY grateful. Thank you so much! Your support makes me all the more eager to write!

Also, if you've ever sent me a PM and I didn't respond, it's because of not getting the alerts and I apologize. Trust me, I am a wired college student - I check my email excessively and would have replied as soon as I could!

Alright… That's all for now. I have a math test to study for and well, my idea of math is swiping a debate card and deducting the amount from your checking account so I should spend some quality time with this thick, ugly book of mine!

Thank you once more for all of your support - update coming soon!

Sarah


	23. Roads

***This has been ready for post all weekend but as FF was not keen on letting me or apparently anyone else log in, it's just going up now! And now, before the too long awaited update, my Author's Note that explains a couple of things!**

**Up until a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't receiving alerts when people favorited or reviewed my story or PM'd me. I changed my contact email and suddenly, alerts of people adding me, my story, or both to their favorites and/or alerts started pouring in. I am FLOORED by the response! I would love it if you could leave a review or two! I love my reviewers and I appreciate ALL of them. And if you've ever sent me a PM and I haven't replied, I'm truly sorry - I didn't know I was getting them until the email change!**

**Next, I owe all of you an apology for the massive delay on this. I am so so so so sorry! I'm involved with a number of activities at school and to top it off, I had a test in every single one of my classes over the course of ten days. There was a paper due in there too. I was also extremely sick for a week and admittedly, college signing day for high school football players was tossed in there and when you bleed the colors of an SEC team, signing day is a big deal. Or in this case, a soap opera considering my school is now the proud owner of the most hated coach in the SEC!**

**I spent a LOT of time rewriting this update over and over. Last Saturday, I was nearly done and decided after a reread that I hated what I had written and deleted the entire thing. I'm glad I did as I like this much better. The next update should not take NEARLY this long and I would like to wrap this story (and start another…) over my spring break which is in 17 days - not that I have a paper chain countdown tacked to my wall or anything.**

**Someone mentioned Rosalie's change of attitude towards Bella and asked for an explanation. I tried to think of a way to write it in and I did but it hasn't gotten that far yet. Basically, I've always seen Rosalie as someone who, despite being self-centered, fiercely loves her family. Despite her differences with Edward, she nearly lost him and that changes a person. I hope that explains her change of heart at least partially - more will be explained later! **

**Now this AN is getting long - another thing to apologize for! - so I'll end it with a disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. There are lines in this story either from one of the Twilight books or else based on one of the Twilight books. I don't own those either. I'm merely a fan of the Twilight saga and it's author. **

**Bella's POV**

Edward's bedroom door creaked open.

"Bella?" Alice's soft voice broke through the silence.

I gently pried myself out of Edward's iron grasp and sat up in the bed. Edward shifted around but his eyes remained closed.

"I bought you some hot tea," Alice said, walking into the room. "I know you've got a lot on your mind and well, they make hot tea in the movies when people are sad or stressed out. Why, I don't know but here you go."

I climbed out of Edward's bed, took my tea from Alice and settled into my chair. Alice perched on Edward's sofa which was still pushed tightly against the CD wall, alternating between studying Edward and studying me. I sipped my tea in silence for a while, watching Edward's sleeping form. It was strange, the reversed roles of watching the other's slumber. I knew this was a temporary luxury - Edward's strength was slowly returning and soon he'd be back to being a creature of the night, never to sleep again. Whether or not he would be watching me sleep was a different matter.

"Jasper and I are going hunting for a couple of days," Alice finally said. "I think it may do him some good to get away for a little bit." I nodded in agreement.

"It must be hard for him to be in this house with everyone so," I paused to find the right word. "Tense."

"Among other things," Alice agreed, her gaze shifting to Edward.

"Will they be able to get past it?" I asked. She knew the 'they' I was referring to.

"Jasper and Edward will be fine - eventually," she said with a little nod. "Let's just say Edward has made his bed and now he has to lay in it."

It was my turn to nod. I didn't know the full story about how things had been between Edward and the rest of his family, let alone the events that had led to things getting as bad as they apparently were, but I knew enough.

"Bella." It was Edward calling me this time. I sat my teacup down and reached for Edward's hand. He was writhing in his sleep. I wondered if it were possible that he were dreaming.

"Edward?" I asked.

"You're still here," Edward replied, his voice heavy with relief. Apparently he wasn't dreaming. I continued to watch him move around. I realized that he was trying to open his eyes.

"Relax Edward," Alice said in her all-knowing tone. "You're eyes are going to open in 37 seconds and Bella is still here." Edward relaxed at her words and I felt his hand tighten around mine. I counted off 37 seconds in my head. Sure enough, Edward's eyes fluttered open.

"Bella," he said again, turning to look at me. I gave him a weak smile. I had been thinking a lot during the time I'd been lying by his side. I didn't know where things stood between us, whether or not Edward wanted me back. I did know that he had a lot of explaining to do and regardless of whether or not we would be making another go of a relationship, I had questions that needed answers.

"I started coming back around and you weren't with me anymore," Edward explained. The underlying tone of defeat in his voice wasn't lost on me. "I thought maybe you had - left."

"I wouldn't leave you," I said before I could stop myself. Alice's eyes flashed to me and back to her brother.

"Yeah - that's my job," Edward said bitterly, looking away from me. I sighed and squeezed his hand.

"Jasper is ready to go," Alice informed us, standing from her perch. "We'll be back in two days." Alice leaned down and kissed her brother's cheek then glided around the bed to hug me.

"Call Charlie in a little while - he's getting antsy," she instructed. She popped a kiss on my cheek and headed towards the door.

"Alice?" Edward called out. Alice stopped and turned to look at him. I could tell she already knew what he wanted but she was going to make him say it.

"Tell Jasper to come see me before you leave," Edward asked her. Alice smiled sadly and shook her head.

"I'll tell him but he's not going to," she answered honestly. I watched Edward's face fall. Another bit of my heart splintered off and I felt partly to blame for the demise of Edward and Jasper's relationship. If I were honest with myself, I shouldered most of the blame as it was over my life that they were fighting. Alice slipped out the door, leaving Edward and I alone. A sigh escaped his lips. He continued to look away from me, eyes fixed on the place Alice had just left.

"Alice said things will be okay between you and Jasper eventually," I offered in an effort to ease some of his suffering.

"We're vampires Bella," he said, still not looking at me. "Do you know how long eventually could be?"

I sighed. He was right of course but I couldn't imagine he and Jasper still not speaking to one another months from now, let alone years upon years from now.

"How are you feeling?" I pressed, trying to suppress the growing need to reach out and turn his face towards me.

"I don't know," Edward answered. I raised an eyebrow.

"Don't know?" I pressed.

"I'm in pain," he replied. "Lots of pain."

I ran my hand up and down his uninjured arm in a comforting gesture.

"I wish there were something Carlisle could do for you," I told him. "I hate seeing you hurt like this." Edward snorted.

"I did it to myself," he stated. He was still looking away from me, his eyes shifting everywhere but my direction.

"Edward, you didn't do this. Victoria did. She attacked you. Her venom mixed with yours. She tore your arm off for crying out loud! You did not do this to yourself!" He turned to look at me then and I noticed the pain in his eyes. It dawned on me that the pain he was in wasn't necessarily physical.

"I've hurt my entire family. My sister and I are at odds, despite her show of sisterly love just now. My brother won't even come visit me. And you… The physical pain I'm feeling? That's a welcomed distraction." He tried to sit up in bed then. Instinctively, I reached forward to help him. Like watching him sleep, seeing him dependent on someone else for nearly everything was a new and temporary concept.

Neither of us said anything for a while though we both held the other's gaze. I could practically see the turmoil swirling around in his head and I wanted to make it stop. Yet a small part of me, I was ashamed to admit, also thought he deserved it.

I'd been thinking a lot while Edward had slept. I didn't know what he wanted but I knew there were really only a few roads for us to decide on. The first one was forked but simple and straightforward - Edward, despite what his family said, what he had said when he'd come to, truly didn't want me anymore. Once he was solidly back on his feet, he would take one fork and I the other and again go our separate ways.

Another possible road for us to travel down was a smooth, gentle, winding road where he wanted me, I wanted him, and that was all either of us needed. It was the scenic route. We would be together and move forward as though the last seven months had never happened.

Unfortunately, I knew that particularly road was out. It would either be the forked but simple road or the road that, if the Cullens were right about how Edward felt about me, would be the most likely one for us to take. It was the kind of road in scary movies, spiraling up and around a rocky mountain, no guardrails and signs warning of rock slides and falling boulders every mile or so. As much as I liked the idea of taking the scenic route, I had been far too hurt for that and had far too many questions.

The one question I didn't have was whether or not I still loved Edward. I had never stopped. I loved him even more fiercely than I had before we had fallen apart, especially now that I had come so close to nearly losing him forever to Victoria.

But I had also changed during our time apart. I had realized just how close I had came to not making it out of the woods that night. If Edward would have come back into the picture sooner, I may have taken the scenic route but now I knew we had problems that needed to be addressed, otherwise that scenic route would eventually develop a few potholes.

"Bella," he said so softly I nearly missed it. His night black eyes turned sad and I half expected tears to start falling from them.

"Bella, I know I messed this up. I know I left you and that you have been going through pure hell since then. But Bella, I need you. I've needed you since the moment I saw you and I've needed you even more since I turned away from you in the woods. I'm probably too late and if I am that's okay because honestly, I deserve to be too late. But on the off chance that I'm not, on the off chance that there's still a chance, will you give me one last chance Bella?" His voice cracked. "Please?"

Edward spoke so softly it was hard to hear him. His words tore at my heart. They were full of pain and suffering, suddenly making it crystal clear that everything I had heard second hand from the Cullens was true. That didn't mean he got a clean slate from me however.

"You speak of a lot of chances," I stated. He nodded.

"I took a chance and found something worth living for. Then I took a another chance and lost her." His eyes still held mine. I swore I could see his heart breaking in them. "I'm here now, not by chance but by fate. Maybe fate is playing a cruel game on me, dangling what I've lost - everything that I've lost - right in front of me. But maybe fate is giving me one last chance to make things right - if you can still give me a chance. If you can still love me after everything I put you through."

It took every ounce of strength I had and most of my reserves to keep me from swooning, falling into Edward's arms and taking the scenic route.

"Edward, of course I still love you!" I exclaimed as if it were the most absurd thing in the world that I wouldn't. His face brightened marginally.

"You do?" he asked. There was no overlooking the hint of hope in his voice.

"Of course I do Edward." He genuinely smiled then.

"I love you Bella. So much. I know my previous actions have said otherwise and actions speak louder than words, but I do Bella. I love you."

I smiled a watery smile.

"No," I agreed. "Your actions haven't exactly screamed 'I love you' in the months since my birthday." I knew my words were harsh but they were also brutally honest. It was a time for brutal honesty - from both of us. Edward looked as though he had been slapped.

"I… I just… I thought…," he fell over his words, yet another rarity in the world of Edward Cullen. He stopped and took a deep breath. Several long minutes of silence passed between us.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Edward finally spoke softly. "The night of your birthday, I nearly lost you Bella. I nearly lost you to my own family. You brushed it off as though it were no big deal, as though nearly dying over a paper cut was the most normal thing in the world. You didn't grasp how serious the situation was but I did. I couldn't bare to see harm come to you be it at my hand or at the hand of one of my family members.

"I took you home that night and stayed with you until you fell asleep. I waited until you had finished talking in you sleep before I left. It took you longer to settle in that night, either because of the night's events or because, perceptive as you are, you already knew something was different. I selfishly admit that I wanted to hear you say my name before I left your side, knowing what I was going home to do.

"When I arrived back at my house, Alice was waiting for me, just as I knew she'd be. We argued. Until the other day, we'd never argued as badly. On both occasions Carlisle had to come between us to keep it from turning physical.

"I told my family my plan then. All of them were brokenhearted but none more so than me. They wanted the opportunity to say a proper goodbye but I couldn't let them. It was going to be hard enough for you to have to say goodbye to me. Goodbyes with the remainder of my family, especially Alice, would make it that much worse for you. I thought it better if it seemed like they had left you without a care in the world. I hoped it would make you angry towards them so it wouldn't hurt as much.

"I admit that I considered doing the same, leaving without any warning. It would make you angry with me, make it easier for you to move on. But selfish me, I couldn't do that. I had to at least have the knowledge that I'd given you a proper goodbye.

"How proper it was, I don't know. It was all a lie, the things I said that day. I knew you'd put up a fight when I told you I was leaving and the only way I knew to convince you to let me go was to say I didn't love you anymore. It was the very blackest of blasphemy but it was the only thing I knew to do.

"But Bella! You believed me so quickly! I was prepared for hours of arguing, of persuading you that I was done with you. And then you just believe me! Truly Bella, the only reason I was able to leave so easily was the shock your believing me caused!"

Edward stopped then to take a breath. He closed his eyes, his face contorted in pain. I didn't know if it were physical or emotional. I had a suspicion that it was both.

"It never made sense for you to love me," I said softly. Edward sighed and reached for my hand.

"Bella, it never made sense for _you_ to love _me_," he said. "And right now, after everything that's happened, it really doesn't make sense. I mean, you are this perfect, amazing, wonderful human being who loves and feels and - _cares_ so much. And me? I'm a sadistic vampire who could kill you in less than the blink of an eye and yet you claim to love me."

"I do love you Edward," I said, a bit heatedly. How dare he say I didn't? "I love you more than you know." He smiled sadly and turned his head away from me.

"You compare one tree to the entire forest," he said softly. I didn't bother arguing with him. He stared at the wall, lost in his own mind. I didn't know how much time passed before he sighed and turned back to me.

"I don't know what to do," he confessed. He was broken.

"Edward, where have you been since you left me?" I asked, my voice quivering at the end. He winced when I mentioned his leaving.

"Tracking Victoria," he answered. "Badly." I raised my eyebrow to signal I expected more. He closed his eyes and blew out a breath before opening them again.

"I was all over," he said. "I was living like a nomad, searching for signs of Victoria, putting all of my focus on them when I found them, losing myself when I lost her. When I left here, I went east, roamed around Montana and Idaho for a while. Victoria fed in rural areas there where the risks of being caught were lowest. I lost her trail around two months in. I slummed around, made Carlisle's mistake of not feeding. I took out an entire pack of coyotes that were plaguing a herd of cattle.

"I picked up her trail again after about a month of nothing and wound my way south, spent a couple of weeks in Phoenix actually, that brought back pleasant memories, and then headed to Texas. She killed several times there, all over the state. I lost her again and again, I slunk around, hiding most of the time, feeding only when it became absolutely dire.

I got a bad lead on her about two months ago. It took me to Brazil. I stayed there a while and then headed to Columbia. That's where I was when Alice called to tell me Victoria was after you and that you were running around with werewolves. Werewolves Bella!"

"Don't lecture me on werewolves," I interrupted. "They're my friends, just as Alice, a vampire, is my friend." He again looked pained, whether because I had called the wolves friends or had not included him in the reference to my vampire friends I didn't know. I decided to continue my questions while I had the floor, stashing the wolf issue for something we would hash out later.

"What's happened with you and your family? I know there was an argument and that things were bad before that. Why?" I asked. "Why haven't you been with them or at least included them in your quest to do away with Victoria?" Edward once again sighed. I wondered how he was constantly doing that, considering his injuries. I had experienced broken ribs and knew it was uncomfortable to breath shallow, let alone blow out long signs.

"I didn't just leave you Bella," he said softly. "I left them too. I rarely contacted them and when I did, I only spoke with Alice and asked her to lie for me. I couldn't stay with them. They were upset with me for leaving you, making them leave Forks. And they missed you terribly, especially my parents and Alice. Now I think about how they must have felt… Esme and Carlisle's child, Emmet, Rosalie and Jasper's brother and for Alice, her brother and her best friend… I've only realized since I've been reunited with them how much I've hurt them.

"The argument we had… Things were tense when I returned. I didn't offer much explanation and I was livid that they had all returned to Forks. Then Alice went behind my back and told you we had returned. The argument went from myself and Alice arguing over her talking to you to me blaming Jasper for something he already blames himself for to me accusing Carlisle of taking Jasper's side. I left again, leaving my family under the impression that I was off to Italy to commit suicide."

I gasped as Edward realized what he had said. I knew what was in Italy - the Volturi, regal and dangerous.

"You what?" I demanded, anger flying into me. Edward sensed it and shrunk away from me.

"It's nothing," he tried to brush off his slip of tongue.

"Nothing?" I repeated. "Nothing? You left your family thinking you were heading to Italy to commit suicide and you tell me it was nothing?" Edward looked at his lap.

"I was in a bad place," he said so quietly I could barely hear him. "I was lost. You weren't in my life, my family, they were trying to reach me, to help me. But I couldn't accept that and I couldn't deal with the pain of losing you. It seemed like it was my only option." I huffed.

"Your only option was to off yourself?" I snorted. "Really Edward, have you lost your mind?"

"More or less," he answered, brining his eyes back to mine. "I've been no good without you Bella. If I didn't have a lead on Victoria to focus my mind on, I was curled up in attics, basements and alleys, trying desperately to force away the images of you that haunted me, trying to forget your smell, your voice. I need you to survive. Before you, my life was dark and empty. With you, it's light and full. To go from lightness to darkness… It was excruciating Bella."

"I think I know something about that," I said bitterly. He looked ashamed.

"I am so sorry Bella. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'm just sorry. And I'm most sorry that 'sorry' is not enough."

Silence again fell over us. I struggled internally, desperate to forgive him, terrified to forgive him and allow him back into my life. It was again Edward who broke the silence.

"I don't know how to fix this," he admitted. "I'm finally back with the people I love and yet, I'm still alone." He looked tortured. I was thankful he couldn't cry. I couldn't handle tears on top of the visible pain on his face, pain that wasn't from his physical injuries.

"You're not alone," I said, reaching for his hand. He smiled weakly.

"I do love you Bella. I haven't shown it lately but if you're willing to let me, I'm going to prove it to you."

I squeezed his hand.

"I'll give you your chance Edward but please understand that I don't trust you," I told him, again being blatantly honest. "Your leaving, it destroyed me. Without Jacob…" A shadow crossed his face but faded away just as quickly. "I'm not sure what would have become of me." Edward closed his eyes again.

"I will never forgive myself for leaving you," he said. He swallowed hard before he opened his eyes again and looked at me. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll earn your trust back."

Edward leaned toward me. My heart hitched in my throat. My mind raced. Was I ready to kiss him? Was this right? At the last moment, I turned my head just enough so his lips landed at the edge of mine. I heard his part hurt, part frustrated sigh as I felt the electricity where his lips had just touched.

"I need time," I explained softly. Edward nodded, his eyes understanding though hurt.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered. I kissed his forehead which seemed to moderately life his spirits as he lay back against his pillow.

"Carlisle is coming," he said. "He has - food - for me."

I nodded, preparing myself to leave the room. I knew Edward would not allow me to see him feed. I didn't want to be away from him but I also knew there were boundaries he wouldn't allow me to cross. To my surprise though, Carlisle entered the room after a knock on the door with a rather tall, dark-colored drinking glass in his hand.

"Dinner is served," Carlisle said, a twinkle in his eye that had been missing earlier. I smiled. It was nice to see Carlisle looking at least marginally happier than he had since I'd been there. I made to get up but Edward tugged at the hand he was still holding.

"You don't need to leave," he said. "Unless you want to," he added as an afterthought. I sat back down.

"I thought you didn't want me to see…"

"He's merely drinking a glass of water," Carlisle said with a grin. I nodded, understanding. Carlisle started to hand Edward the glass but seemed to think better of it.

"Are you strong enough to handle it?" he asked. "Or do you need assistance?" Edward shook his head.

"I can do it."

Carlisle handed him the desk, keeping his hand close enough to assist Edward if needed. Slowly and shaking slightly, Edward raised his hand to drink. I watched his eyes suddenly widen and he tipped the glass higher, pouring the contents down his throat. Carlisle was watching him too.

"Bella, Esme is downstairs, attempting to bake a cake. She seems to think you might enjoy one. Would you mind going down and helping her? She isn't exactly skilled in the culinary arts," Carlisle said to me, eyes trained on Edward.

"Um, okay," I said, confused as to why Carlisle seemed to want to get me out of the room. I stood. Edward squeezed my hand but let it go.

"Hurry back," he said, tearing himself away from his meal just long enough to speak before going back to it.

" I will," I said, giving him a small smile before leaving his room. It dawned on me as I headed down the stairs exactly why I was suddenly being asked to leave. Edward, after not feeding for who knew how long, had tasted blood. His inner monster was awake.


	24. On the Mend

**I ended up splitting this update up. It got REALLY long and fairly intense and I decided it would be best to put this part as a chapter. The next chapter is nearly done. It will probably be up on Friday as I'm going to a boxing tournament tomorrow (this is a first…). Things are going to be in Edward's POV for next couple of updates. He's got an interesting POV right now. **

**Please continue reviewing and letting me know what you think! I didn't get as many reviews as usual last update but I blame both the time gap between updates and that wonderful technical glitch FF experienced the entire weekend.**

**Thank you so much for all of your support! I love all of you dearly for having such wonderful things to say and for being so supportive!**

**Oh, disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related. Except for 4 books written by someone else that I bought. **

**Edward's POV**

I was restless.

Carlisle had told me to take it easy, ease into my usual routine slowly. In my opinion, sitting around my room, moving from the bed I had somehow acquired while injured to my sofa and back again with the occasional stop off in a chair was taking it slow.

It had been five days since Victoria's attack. My injuries had largely healed, save for my arm which Carlisle was still insisting I keep in a sling. I was stronger, my thirst was satiated thanks to Carlisle's 'drinks' as I was now calling them and the scarring wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be. It had been two days since I had lost consciousness for which I was grateful.

At first, it was a welcome relief when I would get so tired I had to close my eyes. It was a luxury I hadn't enjoyed in decades. At least it was until I realized I wasn't really sleeping. I could hear everything, still listen to people's minds. Not being able to see it all taking place had become rather frustrating.

Now, I was wandering aimlessly around my room, hoping to stumble across something to occupy me. Carlisle had driven Bella home earlier. I had hated to let her go but she did need to see Charlie. I knew Carlisle had volunteered to take her home in order to add details to the story about my car accident and our return to Forks. Bella had promised to return later that afternoon and I was anxious for the sound of her ancient truck rumbling down our driveway. I despised being away from her now that I finally had her back. I also added Charlie to the growing list of people I needed to apologize to.

I attempted to unpack a box of CDs while I waited. Bella and Esme had busied themselves over the last few days with unpacking things in my room so there wasn't much left for me to do. I had a suspicion that unpacking me was a way to help them both believe I would be staying.

Thinking of their unspoken fear of me leaving again brought a sigh from me. I had read Esme's mind to know her fears and Bella wore hers plainly. Time was the only thing I could think of that would prove to the both of them I wasn't going anywhere.

I had also spent the last several days avoiding. After Bella and I's talk, nothing more had been said. There was still plenty to discuss between us and I hated that Bella wouldn't let me kiss her. I could hold her hand, put my arm around her as she sat by me in bed, her eyes trained to a book. I could kiss her cheek, her forehead, run my fingers through her hair. But I couldn't kiss her lips and as much as I tried to hide it, it hurt. I understood though and figured it was my punishment for what I had done to her.

Then there was everyone else.

Jasper and Alice still hadn't returned from their hunting trip. They had called Carlisle at the end of their third day to let him know they were going to be staying a few days more. I felt sick with guilt, knowing I was the reason Jasper didn't want to be home right now. Part of me was relieved though - two of the hardest conversations I would have would be delayed for a least a while longer.

Emmett and Rosalie had been flitting around the edges, stopping by my room several times a day to say hi, Emmett more so than Rosalie, but not staying long enough to engage in any decent conversation. I made up my mind to get my conversations with them out of the way by the end of the day.

Esme and Carlisle had assumed the roles of fussy, overprotective parents. Esme made sure every possible comfort was available to me though she was hard pressed to beat Bella when caring for me. Carlisle frequently checked over my injuries and provided me with glasses of animal blood to satiate my thirst. Neither of them had allowed me to apologize even though I had tried a couple of times. I was rather tired of hearing 'not now' from the two of them.

My CDs back on their rightful shelf, I looked around for something else to do. There were only a couple more boxes to unpack and frankly, I didn't feel like it right then. I wandered over to my glass wall and peered out. Esme was in her garden, cleaning out a flowerbed. I saw a pallet of flowers waiting to be placed in the dirt and decided I was going to help her. After shoving my feet into a pair of old sneakers, I was downstairs and out the door.

I paused on the back patio and took in a breath. Naturally, it was overcast, the clouds just thick enough to thwart the sun's efforts to peek through. It felt good to be outside, to be home.

"Can I help?"

Esme jumped at the sound of my voice.

"Oh! Edward! I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear you come outside!"

I both smiled and cringed inwardly. Her thoughts had been worries of me.

"Need some help?" I asked, already reaching for an extra trowel. It was snatched out of my hand before I even had a good grip on it.

"Absolutely not," Esme informed me. "You may keep me company but you are not to do anything physical until Carlisle says it's okay."

I rolled my eyes.

"And don't roll your eyes at me young man."

It took a tremendous amount of willpower to restrain from rolling them again. If Esme wanted to be technical, I was older than her. But she had taken to calling all of us 'young man' or 'young woman', much the way a mother would, so I said nothing.

"I'm tired of taking it easy," I told her, sitting on the ground near her.

"You've been through a lot. Taking it easy for a few days never hurt anyone," was Esme's reply. I watched her pulling weeds for a few minutes then reached out and started working on a patch near where I sat.

"_Stubborn fool," _Esme thought. I chuckled. One side of her mouth turned up in a sly smile. _"It's so good to have you back home Edward." _

I nodded.

"It's good to be home," I said honestly.

We worked in silence for a long while, Esme humming to herself, me relishing the time spent with my mother after so much time apart. I eventually became lost in my own thoughts, first composing a speech and then talking myself into giving it.

"Mom?" I finally asked.

"Hmm?" Esme responded absentmindedly, carefully planting a snapdragon.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. I dropped my trowel and turned to face her. "I'm so, so sorry."

Esme turned to face me as well. She remained silent but looked expectant.

"I… I have made so many mistakes. This family is in shambles and it's all my fault. I didn't realize it at the time but when I left Bella, I wasn't only hurting her as well as myself, I was hurting all of us. You all love Bella too and I know losing her hurt you as well."

Esme nodded in agreement.

"Bella is like a daughter to me. To leave without even being able to say goodbye…," she trailed off. I closed my eyes for a moment, my chest tightening.

"I know," I said quietly. "I thought it would be easier if one goodbye was all she had to go through, that if she thought the rest of us didn't care enough to say goodbye her hurt would be replaced by anger."

"Edward, you know I never agreed with your decision. None of us did. We supported you because you are our family but that doesn't mean we liked what you did," Esme stated.

I nodded, my eyes cast downward. I felt ashamed.

"We not only lost Bella that day, we lost you too. I never understood why you couldn't come with us, why you couldn't let us help you. And then you rarely called and when you did, it was only to talk to Alice. Do you know how it felt to be pushed away by my child, to know that you were alone and hurting and that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it?" Esme's voice cracked.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my chest tightening even more.

"I may not have given birth to you Edward but I love you as if I had. You're my son. And knowing that my son was out there somewhere, alone, miserable and broken… It was too much to bear. And to also know that my dear, sweet Bella was in thousands of small pieces too? It was more than a mother could stand.

"There was the rest of the family too. Your father worried about you perpetually. He worried about your frame of mind, what you were doing, how you were taking care of yourself. Emmett was like a lost puppy, always searching for someone to fill the void your absence created and coming up short every time. Rosalie… I know she doesn't always act like it, but she loves you dearly. She couldn't be happy even if she wanted to - a piece of her family was missing.

"Jasper and Alice though, they were the worst. Alice not only lost her brother but her two best friends. You and Bella are as essential to her being as Jasper is. And Jasper has blamed himself every moment of every day since the night of Bella's party. Trying to hold our family together in your absence was exhausting Edward.

"Of course you came back the second you knew Bella was in trouble. I would expect nothing less from you. But do you know how much it hurt that you didn't want us here? That you didn't want our help? We came back to help ensure Bella's safety but we also came back to see you, be with you for however long we could.

"Then we find out you were planning on having the Volturi take your life! Imagine that you were in my shoes and heard your child announce they were going to commit suicide! That killed me Edward - me and everyone else in that room."

I vigorously rubbed my face with the hand that wasn't in a sling. It hurt to hear my mother tell me how much damage I had done to both her and my family.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I just - I couldn't think straight when I left Bella. My entire life was falling apart and the only thing I knew to do was run. I spent my time tracking Victoria or else hole up in attics, wallowing in self pity. It was hard - really hard.

"But things are harder now, believe it or not. I'm here, I'm with the people I love and yet, I still feel so alone. Bella won't let me kiss her and doesn't believe I'm not going to leave her again. You and Carlisle have been so good to me, taking care of me, pretending not to be angry with me when I know both of you are furious. Emmett and Rosalie won't hang around long enough to have a conversation with me. And Jasper and Alice won't even come home! I want to fix everything but I just don't know how," I said, my voice showing my pent up emptions.

I dropped my head into my hand, willing an answer to come to me. I felt Esme's motherly arms wrap around me and I leaned into her embrace.

"It's okay," I heard her say. She stroked my hair in a comforting gesture. "I forgive you sweetheart. You're here now. Your being here is a step in the right direction. I love you, even more now that before. Just take things one step at a time, okay?" She kissed my temple. I squeezed her tightly.

She pulled away from me but held me at arm's length.

"It's all going to work out," she assured me. "It's going to take some time and it's not going to be easy - Bella's trust wasn't the only trust you lost when you left - but in the end, everything will work out just as it's meant to."

I nodded, praying she was right. Her face suddenly transitioned from gentle and motherly to fierce.

"And Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, if you _ever _pull a stunt like this again I swear, _swear,_ I will make Victoria's attack on you look like an amateur's," she informed me. I couldn't help put crack a smile. "That is not only a threat but a promise. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mom," I agreed. She kissed my cheek and let me go then handed me a trowel.

"Get back to work," she said. I laughed.

It only took us a half hour at human pace to finish cleaning out the bed and plant the new flowers. Feeling buoyed by my success with Esme, I decided to tackle either Rose or Emmett next. I wandered into the house to see which I could find first, secretly hoping it was Emmett. Karma made sure it was Rose.

"Rosalie?" I asked, walking into the kitchen where she was sitting at the table reading a magazine, legs propped up in another chair.

"Hmm?" she didn't bother looking up from her pages of models dressed in dresses of varying degrees of obscurity.

"Can we talk for a second?"

She sighed and put the magazine down.

"What?"

This was going to go well.

"I want to apologize - for what I've put you through," I started. She raised an eyebrow. "I know you've had a hard time, dealing with everything that's happened. I'm sorry." She shrugged.

"Okay," she said. She picked up her magazine. I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"But…," I fumbled over my words. She was acting as though the last seven months never happened.

"Look Edward, you screwed up - badly. I get it. You get it. You're here now and judging by the little scene between you and Esme I witnessed just now, you're paying your dues. I forgive you. Leave us again though and I'm going to help Esme keep her promise."

For the second time today, I cracked a smile. It was typical Rosalie - not too deep, not too emotional. It wasn't exactly a heart to heart but it cleared the air between us. I turned to go find Emmett.

"Hey Edward?" called Rosalie. I stopped in the doorway and looked over my shoulder at her. Our eyes met.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're back - it wasn't the same without you," she said, completely sincere, a true rarity. My smile grew bigger.

"I'm glad I'm back too," I agreed before leaving the kitchen.

Finding Emmett turned out to be simple. I followed the grunts coming from the media room in the basement where he was engaged in a ferocious tennis match with the TV. He didn't see me come in.

"Who's winning?" I asked. Emmett whirled around, his Wii character missing the tennis ball.

"Carlisle finally let you out?" he asked, turning back to the big screen. "Damn it Edward! You made me lose my game! It was match point!"

"Carlisle isn't here right now. And sorry about your match - among other things." I sat down on the sofa and watched as he reset the game. "Can I play?"

Emmett looked over at me, an eyebrow raised.

"You want to?" he asked suspiciously. He remembered all the times I had blown him off upon my return to Forks. I nodded and stood back up, pushing his thoughts from mine.

"Where's the other controller?"

"But you're arm. And your other injuries. And Carlisle hasn't let you out of jail yet," Emmett argued. He was already caving however. I could see it in his eyes.

"I only need one arm, my injuries are healed and again, Carlisle isn't here."

That was all it took. Emmett passed me a controller and quickly explained what to do. I had already figured it out with a quick scan of his thought process but I let him explain anyways.

"And no cheating with that mind reading crap," Emmett warned. I scoffed.

"Because watching where the ball goes isn't enough to figure out how to beat you," I stated. Emmett's response was to start the game.

We played a few rounds, me winning two out of three. Emmett declared he was finished after the third game, muttering something about beginner's luck under his breath. I chuckled softly. Emmett's poor losing skills normally irritated me. Now I found it endearing.

"Hey Emmett, can we talk for a minute?" I asked. Emmett looked at me expectantly.

"What's up little brother?" Just as I had with Esme, I didn't remind him I was technically the older of the two of us.

"I owe you an apology," I started. Emmett silenced me by clapping me on the shoulder.

"Nah, you were going through a bad time. It's cool," he said. He started rifling through the large selection of video games for a new game to challenge me at. I shook my head.

"No, it's not cool," I argued. "I destroyed this family and it's something we can't just say 'you were going through a bad time' and forget about. I need to apologize and you need to let me."

Emmett crossed his arms - a video game in each hand - and waited. I blew out a breath, trying to figure out what I wanted to say.

"I'm sorry Emmett. I made a lot of mistakes and as Rose so eloquently pointed out, I'm paying my dues now. I've been a sorry excuse for a brother and a friend and I want to apologize."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed, "you have. Which means you better be a damn good brother and friend on this second chance I'm giving you. Screw up again - hurt Bella again - and I'll do another Victoria on you - but worse."

I laughed. I'd been threatened with bodily harm by three family members now and didn't doubt for a minute that they would follow through if the need arose - which it wouldn't.

"Don't worry Emmett, I've learned my lesson - the hard way. I will never hurt Bella again either. She's far too precious to me. Truthfully, if I lost her again, I don't think I'd survive." A cloud crossed Emmett's face and he dropped his video games.

"You were going to kill yourself!" he stated, his memory seemingly jarred when I mentioned the word 'survive.' I cast my eyes downward, much as I had when speaking with Esme. That day wasn't one of my finer moments.

"I was depressed," I said. "My Bella is your Rosalie. Imagine you had to leave Rose, that you couldn't be around her ever again, regardless of how much your heart ached for her. What would you do?"

Emmett furrowed his brow.

"But you didn't have to leave Bella. I know you thought you were protecting her but look how well that turned out."

I winced at Emmett's words. They hurt because they were true.

"I know that now," I told him. "At the time though, I had my mind made up. There was nothing anyone could have said or done to change it."

"But that didn't stop us from trying," Emmett grumbled.

"No," I agreed, both of us remembering how hard the family had tried to stop me, "it didn't."

"I guess, if I were to lose Rose, especially if it were my own doing, I would be as devastated as you were without Bella," Emmett answered my original question. "I can't say I would hop a flight to Italy but I guess I don't know what I'd do unless I were in that situation myself."

I nodded, glad he was understanding. We heard Rosalie call for Emmett from upstairs.

"That's your cue," I told him, having unwillingly seen what Rosalie had in mind. The goofy grin on Emmett's face told me he too already knew what she wanted.

"So are we okay?" I asked, holding my fist out to Emmett. Emmett grinned bigger and bumped my fist with his.

"We're okay - brother."

God it felt good to be called 'brother' again.

Emmett started up the stairs.

"Hey Em?" I called.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for taking care of Victoria - and saving my ass in the process."

Emmett nodded, his eyes gleaming as he remembered the fight.

"My pleasure." Then he was gone.

With a sigh, I fell back onto the sofa and closed my eyes, rehashing my first three apologies. I wasn't foolish enough to believe all was forgiven but I knew my relationships were on the mend with my mother, brother and sister. Given the circumstances, that was all I could ask for.


	25. Electricity

**Another Edward POV. As I said last chapter, he's got an interesting POV right now. It will probably be at least the weekend before I get another update out - three volunteer projects and two exams this week, not to mention traveling home for spring break - but while I'm on break, I'm hoping to finish out this story and start a new one! Which I have technically already started but not posted… **

**Thank you thank you thank you to all my reviewers!!! I've gotten a couple of messages from people saying a friend recommended my story so thank you to those who are recommending my story to people! Please continue to review and let me know what you think!**

**Edward's POV**

I lay on the sofa in the media room, reflecting on my recent apologies to my family while staring at the ceiling and anxiously awaiting Bella's return.

Esme had been the hardest by far. She had been so honest, blunt. She had let me know just how hurt she was because of my actions and had also brought up how I had affected the rest of the family. It was hard for me to hear her say it but I needed to hear it.

Rosalie and Emmett had been far less emotional but that was their style. Rosalie was self-centered enough to not be concerned with something that no longer affected her - for her, I was back and that was that. What she didn't know was that I had seen in her thoughts just how afraid she had been when I was at death's doorstep. She had known Bella was my only chance of survival and had made it her mission to make sure Bella was by my side. It was the reason she had gone to get Bella personally. She finally understood the love I had for Bella and would no longer question my reasons.

Emmett was never one for deep conversation. He would have been content to leave it at his 'going through a bad time' dismissal of my apology if I had been willing to accept it. The Volterra thing still haunted him though. I had explained as best I could and I was pretty sure he understood now - at least up to a point.

I laid on the sofa for quite some time, pondering my actions over the last several months, trying to justify them and falling short. I gave up on justification and focused on how to apologize to Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Charlie. I couldn't decide who I was more afraid to face. My usual ease with words seemed to be failing as I lay there, trying desperately to find the right combination of words that said what I needed to convey. It was the distant rumbling of Bella's truck that brought me out of my deep thoughts.

I was waiting on the porch when the truck came into view, following Carlisle's Mercedes. I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. She was really there. She was really coming back. It wasn't until then that I realized I had been worried she wouldn't come back now that I was better. I certainly didn't deserve for her to return.

"You're back," I stated, opening her door for her.

"And you're out of your room," she replied, hopping to the ground. She stumbled a bit and I instinctively reached out my good arm to steady her. "I know Carlisle didn't approve - he's been at my house this whole time."

"No," Carlisle interrupted, "I didn't approve." I turned to face him.

_Please son, humor me and don't push yourself too hard yet. I know you're feeling much better but I'd still like to see you taking it easy right now. _

"I just got tired of being in my room," I answered his thoughts. "I came down and sat with Esme while she worked in her garden for a while. Then I talked to Rosalie and watched Emmett play tennis on the Wii. I just got up from lying on the couch for the last hour or so."

I purposefully neglected to tell him I'd helped Esme in the garden and played tennis with Emmett.

_If you say so, _he thought. I kept myself from smirking.

"Just take it easy Edward - nothing too physical, okay?" he asked. I nodded.

"I was thinking about walking down to the river with Bella - if she wants to go of course," I told him, seeking his approval so as not to test my luck any further.

"I'd like that," Bella piped up. I smiled. Carlisle nodded.

"Just a walk," he said. "Keep him in line Bella." Bella grinned.

"I can do that," she stated. Carlisle had no doubts. Neither did I. I'd do anything she told me to - willingly.

"Let me just check your arm before you go. I haven't looked at its since this morning."

Carlisle stepped forward and I let him examine me, aware that he wanted to convey something to me in his thoughts. The arm examination was a ruse to keep Bella from getting suspicious.

_I spoke with Charlie at length about you and Bella, _he told me. _Bella isn't aware of how in-depth our conversation was. She excused herself to shower and email her mother. He's not thrilled you are back in her life Edward. He shared with me his perspective of Bella over the last several months. You owe him a personal explanation and an apology. _

My throat went dry and I nodded minutely. I cringed a bit as Carlisle moved my arm some.

_He believes you were in an accident on the freeway just outside of LA and that we returned to Forks because your mother despised the LA lifestyle. You stayed behind a few extra days to finish up some school assignments to make transferring back to Forks High easier. Your accident occurred on your way here. The list of injuries I gave him weren't fabricated - broken arm, ribs, lots of cuts and bruises, internal injuries - which technically was your venom mixed with Victoria's. _

I again nodded minimally again to show him I understood.

"It's healing nicely," Carlisle stated, stepping away from me once he finished filling me in. "Another couple of days - possibly tomorrow even - and the sling can come off."

"It won't be too soon," I told him.

"Patience," he said. _And not just with the healing process, _he added silently.

"It's not exactly a virtue of mine," I replied. Carlisle laughed.

"Don't we all know that?" he asked before he started towards the house. I watched his retreating back for a moment.

"Hey dad?" I called out. He stopped and turned.

"Can we talk - later?"

"Just find me when you're ready," he replied then disappeared inside. I turned my full attention to Bella and offered her my hand. I held my breath while I waited for her to take it and then blew out a sigh of relief when her warm hand wrapped around mine. I gently pulled her forward, leading the way towards the river.

"You're sure you're up to this?" she asked. "You haven't exactly tested out your endurance since you've been injured."

"I'll be fine," I said gently. "We'll sit down when we get to the river." She nodded, seemingly appeased.

We walked in a comfortable silence. I kept glancing at Bella, just to make sure was really there and I wasn't having some sort of vivid, drawn out hallucination. I had before after all. But the warmth of her hand, her scent swirling around me, told me she was real and not only was she real, she was right there next to me.

"This is a good place to sit," I told her, indicating a patch of soft but dry ground near the river's edge. I held her elbow as she lowered herself to the ground then sat beside her, awkwardly falling to the ground without the proper balance two fully functioning arms apparently provide. I heard Bella stifle a giggle which warmed my dead heart. God to hear her laughing again…

Our silence continued here. It wasn't awkward. It was the two of us, enjoying being together again, allowing our hearts to heal in the presence of the other. Bella inhaled deeply then blew out the breath.

"You okay?" I asked, worried. She smiled at me.

"Yeah," she said. "I am. It's just… It's been a while since I could do that."

"Take a deep breath?" I asked. She nodded. "Me too," I confessed, understanding exactly what she met. I leaned over and kissed her forehead. She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. On the outside I was my usual calm, cool and collected self. On the inside, I was tap dancing. I decided to try my luck and slid my arm around her waist. She scooted closer. I buried my face in her hair, breathing her in, any thirst for her blood I had ever experienced overpowered by the sheer need to have her with me. I held her tighter than was necessary but she wasn't the only one afraid of the other leaving.

"Bella?" I finally asked, having been swirling some thoughts around in my head since my earlier conversation with Carlisle.

"Hmm?"

"How was it?" I asked. She pulled away just enough to look at me.

"How was what?" she asked. She tried to hide it but I heard her voice quiver.

"The months I was gone. How were they? For you?" I didn't want to hear the answer any more than she wanted to give it to me but it was something we needed to talk about, something I needed to hear from her. And something I needed to know in order to face Charlie.

"You already know," she tried to avoid the question. I shook my head.

"No, not really. I have a good idea from what I've gathered from others and what little you've said but Bella, I need to know. How bad was it?"

She swallowed hard and gazed intently at a rock.

"Edward…"

I removed my arm from her waist and took her hand. I squeezed it gently and silently cursed my sling. I was itching to take Bella into both arms and hold her as close as I could without hurting her.

"Please Bella," I said again. "I need to know."

"Why?"

"I need to know exactly what I did to you. I will never forgive myself for leaving you, hurting you."

"Isn't this just rubbing salt into wounds?" she questioned. I nodded.

"Yeah, it is. But to move on, we need to talk about it," I said gently.

She didn't reply for several long moments and I grew frustrated that I couldn't hear her thoughts.

"It was bad," she finally said, her voice so low no human could have ever heard it. I was far from human though.

"When you left, when Alice and Esme and Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, even Rosalie left… I didn't want to believe it. It seemed unreal, like a bad dream. I tried to follow you. I fumbled through the woods until I couldn't anymore. I was so tired and cold and confused… Charlie had people out searching when I didn't come home, no doubt thanks to that note you left. Sam found me somehow and carried me home."

I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. The idea of Bella stumbling through the woods, as accident prone as she was, appalled me at the best of times. The thought of her doing so because of me sickened me.

"I don't think Charlie has ever felt so helpless," she continued. I heard him talking with Dr. Gerandy sometimes. He thought he was going to have to hospitalize me and that devastated him. I wouldn't eat or drink. I couldn't, even I had wanted to. I wouldn't even move. Dr. Gerandy said I was 'catatonic' but Charlie would never let him up to my room to see me. He thought it would scare me. I also think he was afraid of what Dr. Gerandy would say if he got the chance to give me a thorough examination."

I felt sick. I didn't want to hear anymore. But there was more. Bella continued speaking, her eyes moving from the rock to gaze into the forest on the other side of the river.

"My mom came and tried to take me to Florida. Charlie hoped she would be able to snap me out of my - state. And if I needed to go into a hospital, Charlie didn't want to be the one who did it.

"Charlie and Renee came into my room and started packing my things. Something in me snapped. I flew out of my bed and went into a blind rage, throwing my clothing, screaming at my parents that they couldn't make me leave, that I wouldn't leave.

"That's when I finally cried. I hadn't cried up until then. I hadn't really felt anything until then. But my mom, showing up to take me away from Forks, triggered something in me. I don't know. Maybe I thought if I left, everything would have turned out to be one big dream. You had never existed. None of the Cullens had ever existed. I couldn't let that happen. I had lost nearly everything of the life I had once known. If I'd gone to Florida, I would have lost that last little piece of physical evidence that that life - you and your family - had existed."

I dropped my head to my knees, gulping air in ragged breaths. Bella didn't notice, her eyes still trained to the forest as she relived memories that haunted her dreams. I despised myself. How could I have hurt Bella like that when I loved her so much?

"Charlie thought that would be the turning point for me I think. He agreed not to send me to Florida. Renee hung around a few extra days but Charlie finally convinced her to go back to Florida.

"She came to my room before she left and begged me to get better, to move on. I think I promised her I would try."

I gasped, trying to catch my breath. Bella still didn't notice. For that, I was relieved.

"I went back to school and work, I ate and slept and did my homework. I answered when I was asked a direct question. But I was… empty. My eyes were blank. I didn't recognize them in the mirror. They looked dead.

"I wouldn't listen to music anymore. It reminded me of you. I broke all of my CDs and threw them in the trash. I didn't read either and I couldn't be in the same room when the TV was on. I was avoiding anything that reminded me of you, all the while hanging on to your memory. It was exhausting."

I held her hand tighter, fearing she would suddenly realize she was making a huge mistake and leave _me_. I didn't deserve her. My insides squirmed.

"Charlie and I hardly talked. He worried about saying something that would upset me. The littlest things would make me flinch and I certainly never voluntarily started a conversation. I spent all my time alone. I didn't call my so called friend and when they would call, I wouldn't speak to them or call them back. Eventually, they stopped calling. They shunned me at school, avoiding me, thought I was crazy I guess. Except Angela. She was always friendly to me. And Mike, well, he tried for a while at least."

I hated the idea of Mike trying to make her feel better. The only thought worse was that it was Jacob Black that had made her feel better.

"I would scream in my sleep until I finally woke myself up. Charlie used to come check on me but he eventually stopped. I guess he realized there was nothing he could do. I frightened him. And now that you're back, he's terrified of it happening all over again. I heard more of his and Carlisle's conversation than they know."

That was my Bella, always far more perceptive than the average human.

"It was like someone had died - like I had died. Because it was more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that weren't enough to kill anyone. I also lost a whole future, a whole family - a whole life I had chosen."

Dry sobs racked my body. I shook violently, listening to Bella, never looking at her. I couldn't.

"I know you're back but I still don't know how to get over something like that," she ended softly.

Silence fell over us again. This time, it wasn't comforting. It was smothering me. The air was thick. It wouldn't go in and out of my lungs. I had more than broken Bella. I had shattered her, destroyed any sense of happiness she had in Forks. I wanted desperately to restore it, wave a magic wand or something and make any pain she'd ever felt a distant memory.

"Bella… I don't know…. I can't… It's…"

I had no idea what to say. I pulled my knees tight to my chest and allowed dry sobs to shake my body. A small spot of warmth on my back brought my sense back around.

"It's okay Edward," Bella soothed in her gentle voice. "It's okay now."

I couldn't believe my ears. _She _was comforting _me. _Bella, who should have ran from me as fast as her legs could carry her the day she met me, was still by my side, trying to soothe me.

"Stop it Bella," I said. "Please, stop." She drew her hand back, looking hurt. She scooted away from me and I felt the absence of her exponentially.

"Sorry," she stuttered. "I was trying to help…"

I sighed and reached for her. I managed to grab a hold of her hand.

"I didn't mean to snap," I explained. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Bella, I hate myself for the things I've done. I don't know how to explain to you what I'm feeling right now. I do understand how you felt because believe it or not, I felt the exact same way. I did it to myself but to know I did it to you too is unbearable. Please, don't comfort me for something that was entirely my fault."

She didn't say anything right away. The silence was deafening.

"It is your fault," she agreed. "Neither of us can deny that. But it's done Edward. It's done and you're back and somehow, we have to figure out how to move on."

"Do you want to move on from it?" I heard myself asking. "Because Bella, I really wouldn't blame you if you told me you didn't, if you stood up right now and walked away. Just say it Bella. If you don't want this, if I have hurt you too much, please, say it. It will kill me to do it but I will let you go."

I couldn't look at her. I was terrified - certain - she would say yes, she wanted to leave me. I wouldn't make it this time, despite my promise to Esme.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked, her voice shaking. Tears formed in her eyes.

"No!" I gasped, gripping her hand tightly. "God no! I want to hold on to you for dear life! I want to keep you right here by me where I know you are safe and loved. I want to grab you right now and kiss you senseless, kiss you until you believe that I love you, that I am sorry for ever leaving you, that I will never leave you again. But I can't. I can't because I'm scared of doing something to hurt you or to send you reeling. You aren't the only one afraid one of us will leave. I'm terrified that you will finally realize you deserve better than an eternally dammed being who broke your heart!"

My outburst surprised even me. I had planned to convey to Bella that I didn't want her to leave. I hadn't meant to confess my fear that she would leave me.

"I'm not leaving," she stated. "I just got you back. Why on earth would I leave?"

"Because I'm no good," I whispered, dropping her hand and looking down at my lap. Bella moved so she was sitting in front of me. She rested a hand on my knee.

"I thought we were past this whole 'I'm a vampire, I'm no good for you' mess," she stated.

I nodded but didn't look up.

"We are," I agreed. "That's not what I meant."

Bella thought on that for a few minutes.

"Then what do you mean?" she asked, unable to come up with a solution on her own.

"I love you. I love you in a way I can't put into words. Nothing I can say or do will ever be able to convey how deeply I love you. And yet, despite how much I love you, I hurt you. I destroyed you to be exact. How can you love me after this?"

"You came back," she answered softly. "You came back to save me. And you left because you thought it was best for me. I understand that. I may not agree with you and I may still harbor some anger over your way of handling the situation but I do understand."

My heart hurt. Without warning, I was confiding all of my fears to Bella.

"I'm scared Bella. I'm scared that you'll leave. I'm scared that I'll mess up again. I'm scared I've permanently ruined my relationships with Jasper and Alice. I'm scared my family will never be the same again. I'm just… I'm afraid. And I shouldn't be because I've done it all to myself."

Bella took my hand again. I trembled. I tried to pull away, feeling unworthy of her touch, but she refused to let me.

"I'm not leaving," she said. "You might mess up again but I might mess up too, we don't know what will happen down the road. Your relationships with Alice and Jasper - especially with Jasper - are not going to be easily repaired. You family never will be the same again, despite how much you'd like them to be. Too much has happened for them to just revert back to how things were before my birthday. And yes, you did it to yourself.

"But Edward, you've got a second chance here. We've got a second chance. Carlisle and Esme are your parents, they never stopped loving you. Neither did your sisters and brothers. Feelings have been hurt, hearts have been broken, but you've got a chance to make it right. You're not the most patient person in the world Edward but this is one time you are going to have to be."

I thought about what Bella said. She was right. We had a second chance. Someone somewhere was willing to give me another chance with Bella, regardless of whether or not I thought I deserved it. But not just with Bella. With my family too. And she was right too that I had to be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day and my relationships weren't going to be rebuilt in a day either.

"I keep trying to justify my actions but I can't," I said. "I want so badly to be able to explain why I did this and I keep coming up empty."

Bella looked confused.

"I thought you did it because you thought it was best for me." I could hear the accusations in her voice and realized I had once again put my foot in my mouth.

"I did," I explained. "But what I can't justify is why I thought it was such a good idea."

Bella didn't have anything to say to that.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked instead. I smiled.

"Better than I have in a while," I admitted. "Thank you for being here Bella. Now and before, when I was injured and unconscious. You didn't have to come."

"Yes I did," she argued. "You needed me. Where else would I have been?"

"As far from me as possible."

"I love you Edward. When Rosalie came to my house and told me you were hurt, I knew what had happened, despite her telling Charlie it was a car accident. I thought you were dying Edward. When the person you love more than your own life is hanging on by a thread, things that happened between you suddenly don't matter."

"I love you too Bella, more than anything."

I reached out for her, hoping she would come to me. She did. She tucked herself into my side and I wrapped my good arm tightly around her, once again curing the damned sling and deciding it was coming off tomorrow, whether Carlisle agreed or not.

"I want so badly to be able to take you into both of my arms," I told her. "I have so much to make up for." I rested my forehead against her temple and breathed her in again, something I had been doing every time she was close to me. She sighed and leaned into me. I closed my eyes. God, it felt good to hold her this close again.

"I want to apologize to Charlie," I told her. "And Renee as well," I added. It seemed my list of people to apologize to only got longer, no matter how many people I had already apologized to.

"Charlie is furious," she told me. "He tried to keep me from coming back here."

"I can hardly blame him," I answered. "I wouldn't willingly let my daughter go back to the man who broke her heart either."

"He carries a gun Edward. And he's not just unhappy with you. I think there are murderous intentions going on in his head."

I had to chuckle.

"Are you a mind reader now?" I teased. She didn't find it funny.

"I'm serious Edward!"

I hugged her to me.

"I know you are," I admitted. "Charlie has always been a little overprotective of you and now, after everything, that's only going to get worse. But don't forget, I can read his mind. If he reaches for his gun, I'll get out of there."

Bella didn't say anything else. We sat in silence for a long time and while it wasn't the comfortable silence of earlier, it wasn't awkward either. Bella leaned into me even more.

"I'm going to make this right," I whispered into her hair. "If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make things right."

She tilted her head to look up at me. Our eyes locked. Emotions neither of us could convey traveled through out gaze. Love, guilt, hurt, sorrow, forgiveness, even lust. It was as though our souls - if I did, in fact, have one - were reconciling with one another, fitting themselves back together in their rightful state.

My eyes fell to her lips. She was chewing absentmindedly on her bottom lip. I took my arm from around her waist and ran my thumb over her lips, removing it from her teeth's grasp. I leaned toward her, hoping like hell I'd finally get to kiss her. She leaned towards me. Slowly, our lips met and in that moment, our lips pressed together, my hand cupping her cheek, one of her warm hands on my shoulder, the other on my knee, electricity flowing between us, charging the air around us, the world finally felt right.


	26. Confrontations

**I had said we would be getting updates from Edward's point of view for a bit but I decided to throw in some Bella, just to get a different perspective on things. Not a lot happens here, I'll tell you that now. It's a filler of sorts and I'm working on the Carlisle conversation now. But it lets you know where Bella and Charlie stand on things! **

**Thank you as always for all of your lovely comments and reviews! Please, keep them coming!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related. **

**Bella's POV **

I didn't want to move. Sitting on the river bank, Edward's arms around me, his breath caressing my skin, I felt content. It was a feeling of peace I hadn't felt since before Edward had left. The turmoil of knowing something was off, the day in the woods, the endless, agonizing days of trying and failing to put myself back together again, were nearly worth it if they led to this kind of peace.

"It's getting dark," Edward whispered. I didn't answer. He nuzzled my neck, his good arm tightening around my waist. I squeezed the hand of his bad arm which I was currently holding. We had spent the last few hours mostly in silence, me sometimes squeezing his hand or leaning further into him, him burying his face in my hair, occasionally giving me a brief squeeze around the middle. It was our way of not only expressing our feelings but double checking to make sure the other was really there.

I was almost ashamed to admit I hadn't taken the time to consider how Edward was dealing with all of this. I had been focused on myself, my hurt and the questions I had that I had never considered what might have been going on in Edward's head.

I suppose it was because I thought he was okay with his actions, the decisions he had made. That had been my belief up until he had told me otherwise when he had broken down earlier. Now, I was beginning to see how hurt _he_ was by his actions. The price he was paying was high.

"Bella, I don't want to give Charlie any more reason to hate me," he said gently, reminding me that I needed to return home at a decent hour.

"Charlie doesn't hate you," I spoke before I thought. Edward snorted.

"He doesn't hate the man who caused his daughter to shatter into a million pieces for months on end? The man who is now back on her life, currently holding on to her as though his life depends on her - which it does - and who she spent days at his bedside, caring for him when he didn't deserve it? He doesn't hate that guy?"

Edward's question was rhetorical and honestly, I couldn't argue it. Personally, I thought hate was a strong word but in the case of Edward and Charlie, it was more or less appropriate. Which I, in turn, hated. I honestly didn't think Charlie would ever warm up to the idea of Edward being back in my life. He hadn't exactly been sold on the idea before Edward left as it was.

"I guess I should get going," I sighed. "I don't want to though." Edward tightened his grip on me, his way of saying he didn't want me to leave either. He let me go though and stood, offering me his good hand to stand. I accepted and allowed him to pull me to my feet.

"I'll follow you home," he stated. "I want to make sure you get their safely."

"No you won't," I argued. "Carlisle hasn't released you. You can't go running or driving or whatever it is you're planning on doing."

"I can drive," Edward argued.

"No, you can't."

"I can."

"Edward, you can't," I said firmly. "You need to make sure you're fully recovered before you start driving around Forks."

"I'll have Emmett drive me then," he stated. I sighed. There was no convincing him otherwise.

"Fine," I relented.

We walked back to the house, hand in hand, again enveloped in an easy silence.

"Emmett!" Edward called when we were in the backyard.

Moments later Emmett bounded through the backdoor.

"You bellowed?" he asked, smirking.

"I want to follow Bella home, make sure she gets there safely. Can you drive? Carlisle hasn't released me yet and Bella won't hear of me going against his orders," Edward asked. Emmett laughed.

"Sure, I'll drive. I'll also keep Charlie from kicking your ass," he told Edward. Edward refrained from commenting even though I knew he wanted to.

"You ready Bella?" he asked me instead. I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by a flash of yellow coming up the driveway.

"Alice!" I exclaimed. Next to me, Edward went rigid. I squeezed his hand reassuringly. He squeezed back.

Alice parked her Porsche and leapt out with more grace than should be legal.

"Bella!" she called. "I was afraid I was going to miss you! Which really wouldn't have mattered as I will be seeing you tomorrow but still, I'm glad I got here before you left!" She hugged me tightly.

"Hey Edward," she said, a hint of tension in her voice, a smile no longer gracing her face.

"Hi Alice," he replied, trying hard but failing to give her a real smile. I wondered what he was seeing in Alice's thoughts. Jasper had gotten out the car but stood apart from our small group, his hands in his pockets, a lock of blonde hair falling over one eye. He nodded at me but remained silent, not addressing Edward at all. Edward glanced at him and for a moment, looked as though he were going to fall apart. I reached for his hand again in a gesture to comfort him.

"Emmett, you follow us. I'm going to ride with Bella," Edward said, pulling himself together.

"See you tomorrow Bella!" Alice said, hugging me once more and then skipping off towards the house, pausing long enough to grab Jasper's hand and pull him along.

Edward opened my door for me before walking around to the passenger's side of the truck. I buckled my seatbelt and watched Edward out the corner of his eye, absentmindedly running his hand over my dashboard. His eyes fell to the gapping hole where a radio should be but he said nothing.

"Is everything okay with Alice?" I asked, navigating down the driveway.

"No," Edward said softly. "But I couldn't see what was going on. She was focusing on you and keeping a list of fashion designers on repeat in the background of her thoughts, just to keep me out of them."

"And Jasper?" I pressed. Edward shook his head.

"He's angry at me," he said. "Which I can hardly blame him. He's angry and hurt and worried. I think him and Alice must have had a pretty intense talk while they were gone. There was bits and pieces of it coming through his thoughts. I didn't listen long though - I couldn't bear it."

"It will work out," I soothed him. "It's just going to take time."

He grunted and took my hand for which I was glad, eager for the contact. He stared off out the window, lost in his own thoughts. I stole glances at him while watching Emmett in my rearview. He was dancing in his seat, his lips moving to whatever song was on the radio. I stifled my laugh.

"Emmett is insane," Edward commented. He was watching him in the side mirror, no doubt reading his mind.

"His enjoying himself," I said. Edward nodded in agreement.

"Hey Bella?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"I love you," he said sincerely. "I know I've said that a few times already today but I have a lot of time to make up for so get used to hearing me say it all the time." Tears sprang to my eyes.

"I love you too," I told him. "Thank you for coming back." Edward looked at me, a genuine smile on his face but his eyes sad.

"As if I could stay away," he said. "I was nothing without you. I'm the one that should be thanking you. You gave me another chance after all. Most women would have told me to go to hell."

"I'm not most women," I informed him.

"That is so abundantly clear," Edward muttered mostly to himself.

My house came into view. The sight of Charlie's cruiser in the driveway made my stomach churn. I wasn't ready for the father-boyfriend confrontation that was bound to occur. Edward seemed to sense my anxiety.

"Its okay Bella," he assured me. "I'm not going to do anything to set Charlie off. I'm going to walk you to your door, kiss you goodnight and then go back to my house with Emmett." I nodded, wishing he would stay.

I parked my truck, Emmett pulling in behind me.

"Nice moves," I called to Emmett when I was out of the truck. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. I saw the living room curtain move. Charlie had seen us.

"He's not happy," Edward said at about the same time the front door opened and Charlie appeared on our porch.

"Bella, get in the house," Charlie ordered me, his eyes burning holes into Edward. "I need to have a few words with Cullen."

"Dad," I tried to diffuse his temper. "Edward was just making sure I got home safely." My plan was to sell Edward's concern over my personal safety. I could tell it wasn't going to work.

"Go on inside Bella," Edward whispered. "It will be fine." Emmett quietly got out of his jeep, no doubt to be on hand to step between Charlie and Edward if the need arose.

"Edward…"

"Inside Bella!" Charlie bellowed.

"Please Bella," Edward pleaded with me softly. "Go inside." He gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be back," he whispered. "I need to speak with Carlisle first but I will be back tonight, as soon as I can - I promise."

I had no choice but to believe him as I forced myself to pull away and turn towards the house.

"Bye Bells!" Emmett called.

"Bye Em," I called over my shoulder. My eyes met Edward's and he gave me small, reassuring nod.

"Dad," I half warned, half pleaded when I reached him.

"Go inside Bella," he growled, his eyes never leaving Edward. The sheer amount of testosterone swirling around my front yard was unbearable. I was certain Charlie thought he had the upper hand, that he, being in a position of authority, scared both Edward and Emmett. He had no idea that two deadly creatures were standing mere feet from him in the form of two teenage boys. But I wasn't worried about Charlie. Neither of them would do anything rash. Charlie however… I stood in the hallway to listen.

"What are you doing here?" Charlie snarled at Edward.

"I wanted to make sure Bella got home okay," Edward answered smoothly. "It was getting dark and I don't like the idea of her traveling her at night by herself."

I snorted. If only Charlie knew why Edward didn't like me traveling at night by myself. Images of crazed stalker vampires and La Push boys turned werewolf came to mind.

"Don't like her traveling at night but it's okay to leave her in the woods by herself, huh?" Charlie retorted. Even though I was on Edward's side, I had to give Charlie a point.

"I didn't know she would try to follow me…" Edward's voice cracked. I knew he hated having that night thrown back in his face but when it came to dealing with Charlie, he would have to take it.

"Left her out in the woods to die, you did. We searched for hours trying to find her and when we did, she was barely breathing! For months she did nothing but barely breathe! And then you come waltzing back in her life as though you never did anything wrong, never broke her heart, shattered her into a million pieces! You've got some nerve showing up here boy!"

I willed Edward to remember I'd forgiven him and we were working on moving past everything that had happened. However, I knew Charlie's words were hitting him where it hurt.

"I'm sorry," Edward replied, his voice shaky at best. I heard Emmett mumble something to Edward but couldn't make out what it was.

"Sorry?" Charlie said, his voice growing louder. "You ruin my daughter and all you have to say for yourself is 'sorry?' I only let her go to LA when I found out you were in that accident because your sister looked so damn desperate I couldn't tell her no. But now? Now, if you expect me to tell you you're welcome in my home…"

I couldn't take being on the other side anymore.

"Dad, stop it!" I demanded, pushing the door open to return to the front porch.

"Bella," both Charlie and Edward spoke at the same time. Charlie glared at me and Edward anxiously gazed at me.

"Go back inside Bella. You don't need to hear this," Charlie said. I rolled my eyes. As if I was going to miss Charlie's booming voice.

"Dad, Edward is back in my life. I told you, it was all a big misunderstanding. Even Carlisle told you that. You don't have to like Edward but please, be civil!" I half asked, half begged.

"Bella, you don't have to defend me," Edward spoke.

"Yeah, he was an ass… Umph!" Emmett was cut off by Edward jabbing him in the gut with the elbow of his good arm.

"Bella, I will not stand by and allow you to be hurt again," Charlie told me.

"He's not going to hurt me again," I argued. I wasn't sure if I completely believed that but I think I did. Or at least was close to believing it.

"He did once and he will again," Charlie retorted.

"No," came Edward's voice, quivering fiercely. "I won't. I can't."

The weakness I heard in his voice was enough to make my own heart hurt for him. I went to him, tossing a look to Charlie over my shoulder that dared him to protest. Surprisingly, he didn't.

"Edward, don't do this tonight," I told him quietly. I slid my arm around his waist. "I know you want to apologize but not tonight, okay? You've done enough of that today." I knew today had been trying for him with first his apologies to Esme, Emmett and Rosalie and then his break down with me. I knew how badly he wanted to set things right but tonight, with Charlie, it wasn't going to happen.

"He hates me," Edward whispered, putting an arm around me and burying his face in my hair. "He truly does." I squeezed him tightly then kissed his cheek.

"Emmett?" I asked, pulling away from Edward only enough to look at Emmett. "Take him home." Emmett nodded and stepped toward Edward.

"Come on bro," he said, tugging on Edward's arm. "Let's get back to the ranch. There's plenty of time for your swashbuckling ways later." I grimaced at Emmett's choice of a metaphor.

"I love you," Edward whispered before letting me go.

"I love you too," I told him. He kissed me on my cheek then whispered he would be back before getting in Emmett's jeep.

"Later Bells," Emmett called. I waved at him then turned my attention to Charlie, glaring.

"That was uncalled for!" I huffed.

"Cullen is bad news Bella," Charlie tried to argue.

"I'm an adult," I reminded him. "I will decide who is or isn't bad news. And like it or not, Edward is a part of my life. He's explained himself to me and I have decided to give him another chance. If he screws up again, then it will be shame on me."

I prayed he wouldn't screw up again. I couldn't take getting hurt like that again. Charlie looked floored that I had stood up to him.

"I don't like him Bella," Charlie muttered. "I don't like him one bit."

"Well I do," I stated. I didn't give Charlie a chance to respond. I headed up the stairs to wait for Edward's return - praying that he did actually show up.


	27. Questions

**This was a doosey to write. Carlisle is the character that's hardest for me to zone in on. Edward is starting to pull it together but Carlisle is really good at shedding light on things people normally don't think about. Like I said, this one was doosey!**

**I had hoped to update this more frequently this week but I'm visiting my family for Spring Break and naturally, my mother took time off work to hang out, my daddy took me to dinner, my grandma cooked for me, my brother and sister had me come to their baseball and softball practices… Let's just say I have a VERY large family and they're all happy to see me after not seeing me for three months, especially as I may or may not be coming home this summer, depending on an internship. And I'm rambling. Let me stop. **

**THANK YOU to each of you for your reviews. I wish I could get back to them all but my time schedule is always so packed that I can't. But I do read each of them and I love them all! **

**I wanted to give a special shout out to jennrich2830 - she's new to the Fanfic world and she left me such a wonderful review I just had to give her shout out - welcome to Fan Fiction! It's addictive and there is no rehab… **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related - that's all Stephanie Meyer's. I just buy the books and the 3 disc Target DVD… **

**Edward's POV**

Emmett and I rode back to our house in silence. Emmett's thoughts were full of concern for me but I was grateful he wasn't voicing them. We pulled into the garage and I slid out the passenger's seat. Alice was waiting in the doorway that led from the garage to the kitchen. She had seen what was going to happen at Bella's.

"You okay?" she asked softly, her voice full of concern.

"Yeah," I answered. "I had it coming." She smiled a little.

"Yeah, you did." She intended to make joke out of it in an effort to make me feel better but her words were too truthful to joke about. She reached out and squeezed my arm. The simple gesture brought a smile to my face. I missed Alice dearly. I decided to ask her to talk tomorrow.

"Carlisle is in his office. He's doing some paperwork for the hospital but he's expecting you," she told me.

"Thanks Alice," I told her. I reached out and gave her an awkward one armed hug.

"Yes, we can talk tomorrow," she told me, returning my hug. "And Carlisle is going to let you take that sling off when you leave his office to head back to Bella's."

"Thanks," I said again. The house was quiet as I made my way up the stairs. I paused outside of Carlisle's office and listened to his thoughts. They were mostly of the patients' whose paperwork he was working on though he was pondering my whereabouts in the back of his head. I knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called.

I opened the door and stepped inside.

"Can we talk?" I asked. Carlisle nodded and set his papers aside to give me his full attention.

_Sit,_ he thought.

I did so, thinking back to the last time I'd been in this office. It had been the day after I'd returned home from South America. We had talked about my absence, Bella, Victoria and the wolves. He had asked me to considering going to Bella and making amends and I had refused. He had been unhappy with me and that had hurt. It still hurt. He had also questioned my loyalty to my family. Our conversation then had came to an abrupt end, Carlisle angry, my head spinning. It was the last real conversation we'd had before the argument and Victoria's attack.

Stalling, I looked around at the photographs and paintings of my father's history - of my history. They made me feel more connected to my family then I ever had. It was proof that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Carlisle sat patiently, his hands tented together, elbows resting on his desk as he waited for me to begin.

"I don't know where to start," I told him with a heavy sigh.

_How about I ask the questions?_

I nodded in response to Carlisle's thoughts. He had questions he wanted answers to and the time had come for me to give them to him.

_The night of Bella's birthday, what happened outside while I was in the kitchen tending to Bella?_

I raised an eyebrow. I thought that was an odd place to start but I obliged.

"When I left you and Bella, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were sitting out in the garden, breathing in the fresh air, clearing their senses. Esme asked about Bella. I think I grunted out something about her being okay once you got her patched up, I don't really remember. I wanted to find Jasper. He had gotten a head start but Alice had caught him on the other side of the river and stopped him.

"I sprinted to them. Alice threw herself in front of Jasper. She had seen my intentions which were to rip Jasper limb from limb. I know it was irrational. I know that Jasper was merely overcome by what he is. His senses, already fighting the call of Bella's scent, couldn't bear the sight of her blood as well. At the end of the day, he's a vampire, something I cannot fault him for as I am one too.

"But at the time, I wasn't thinking like that. I was thinking that he'd tried - almost successfully - to attack Bella. I wanted revenge. I wanted to hurt him. Alice stopped me though. She kept repeating that Bella needed me, that I needed to go back to Bella and take care of her. Jasper and I traded words - I don't remember what was said really, I was far too irrational at that point. Then I came back to the house and took Bella home."

_When did you make the decision to leave Bella? _

I frowned slightly, thinking the question over. He knew when I had made that decision. He had been privy to the argument that had ensued between Alice and I that night which had been followed up with a discussion about my plans in his office.

"The night of her birthday," I answered. I saw no further need for explanation. Carlisle raised both eyebrows.

"Really?" he asked, this time speaking out loud.

"You already know the answer," I reminded him.

"I've been thinking about this," Carlisle said, shifting around in his chair a bit, a habit he had developed during his hundreds of years of acting human. "During the time you've spent away from us, I have thought at great lengths about your relationship with Bella, the ways it changed you, made you more of a - person - that a vampire. You love Bella deeply."

It wasn't a question but a statement.

"You love Bella in a way that defies all logic. You love her enough to leave her in order to protect her."

I listened, trying to figure out where he was going.

"Protecting Bella has been your priority from the day you met her. You left Forks to protect her once before, remember?"

I nodded, still confused. His thoughts weren't telling me much as he was working to keep them in the moment and prevent me from getting ahead of him.

"I believe, regardless of what you might say, that you had decided to leave her long before her birthday."

I opened my mouth to argue.

_Think about it before you answer, _came Carlisle's thoughts. So I did.

I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him that prior to Bella's birthday, I couldn't imagine any reason why I would leave her. She was going to have a long, happy life with me and when the time came for her life on this earth to end, I would let her go - and follow her as soon as I could.

But now that I was forced to think about it, I realized Carlisle was right. It had been in my plans all along to leave Bella, always with the goal of protecting her from myself. As Carlisle had pointed out, I had already left her once, in the very beginning, to protect her. All I had needed to leave again was a reason to go.

James had very nearly been that reason. After the ballet studio, I had contemplated leaving Bella., the reality of how much of a danger I was to her too harsh to ignore. The image of her lying in a hospital bed, bandaged and broken, begging me to stay, had kept me with her then. Jasper had given me the reason I'd been looking for on her birthday and a bandaged arm hadn't been enough to keep me that time.

"I was looking for a reason to leave," I admitted to Carlisle. He nodded, a small smile playing across his face at the satisfaction of being right.

"I wanted to protect her - I've always wanted to protect her. Even though she refuses to believe it, I'm aware of how much of a danger to her I am. I can never let myself get carried away with her for fear of accidentally harming her - or worse. I have to always be on my guard, aware of how tightly I am hugging her or how deeply I'm kissing her. It would be best for her to not have me in her life but that is clearly not an option for us. Unfortunately, it was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

"Jasper gave me the reason I was looking for. It was the perfect out - not only was myself a danger to her, so was the rest of my family. I had seven reasons to leave. You're right - even if her birthday had gone off without a hitch, I would have still left her at some point."

Carlisle nodded again.

"Yes," he agreed. "You would have. However, you wouldn't have stayed away."

Carlisle's gold eyes pierced mine while I again took the time to process what he said. Again, I wanted to argue, say had Victoria and the wolves never came into the picture, I wouldn't have came back. But it would have been a weak argument from the start. My resolve had been fading fast to stay away before I knew how much danger she was in and it was only a matter of time before I would have come back, begging forgiveness.

"I couldn't stay away," I admitted. "Just like I was looking for a reason to leave, I was looking for a reason to come back. Victoria and the wolves provided that."

"I'll admit to being impressed you lasted as long as you did away from Bella. As you know, the kind of change Bella made in you is a permanent change for our kind. I had bet you would come back around the three month mark. Emmett gave you six weeks. Really, I should have known better than to bet against Alice who didn't bet at all."

I frowned.

"You bet on me?" I asked. Carlisle smirked, relieving the tension in the room just a bit.

"It was a failed attempt to lighten the mood - all of us knew on some level that you would be back. Betting on it made it seem more imminent. My bet of three months was the longest - once three months came and gone, the family slowly lost hope of you returning anytime soon."

"Did Esme bet against me?" I asked. Carlisle chuckled.

"No, your mother refused to place bets on her son. It ended up being your brothers, Rose and myself though it took some convincing to get Jasper to join in. Esme did, however, bring up the ten years you spent rebelling against our lifestyle with increasing frequency as time wore on."

The fact that my mother didn't bet on me made me feel marginally better for some reason.

_You tracked Victoria while you were gone. _

I nodded in response to Carlisle's thoughts. We had already discussed this subject the day after I had returned to Forks. I waited for more questions.

_Why? _

"Why did I track Victoria?" Carlisle nodded.

"I wanted to finish the job," I said with a shrug. "I knew she was James' significant other. I didn't realize the lengths she would go through to get revenge and I didn't believe her to be an imminent threat. I wanted to make sure she would never be a threat."

Carlisle nodded yet again, satisfied with the answer.

"I regret not being able to finish the job," I muttered, more to myself than Carlisle. I heard Carlisle chuckle under his breathe. I waited for the next question.

_Volterra._

I cringed, not expecting the shift from my time away to my dramatics upon my return to Forks, before Victoria made her appearance.

"I was in a dark place," I started. "I missed Bella desperately. I had lost all will I had to live. To be metaphorical, there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel. I just wanted it to be over with. I wanted to stop hurting. I was in my own black world and I didn't stop to think. I don't know if I would have gone through with Volterra. I'd like to think I wouldn't have but I don't know.

"I hadn't really considered it until I returned home. It was just… Being here, it was so hard. It reminded me of everything I'd lost. Volterra seemed like the answer to it all, a way to stop feeling alone, stop having to face each new day with the knowledge that I'd done caused all this misery myself - and not just for me, but for Bella and my family. It's not a moment I'm proud of, especially now that I'm able to think clearly enough to realize how much even thinking about ending my life hurt my family."

"I have never been more disappointed in you," Carlisle told me, his voice stern. I hung my head in shame. "There is a solution to every problem. Some solutions are simple, very black and white. Others are more complex, have more of a gray area. Ending your life - immortal or not - is never a solution. I understand that you were depressed and believed your life to be over. But there were other solutions available to you Edward."

I nodded, my guilt resurfacing.

"I could have gone to Bella myself," I offered. "I could have stayed with my family, let my family be there the way you all wanted to be. Volterra should have never crossed my mind. But Carlisle, I was that depressed." It was important to me that he understood just how depressed I had been. I wasn't sure there were words to do it justice.

"And you're still depressed," Carlisle said knowingly. "Maybe not to the extent you were when you returned to us but you are still depressed. And frankly Edward, I don't know how to pull you out of it."

Yet again, Carlisle managed to make me think. I knew I wasn't quite myself but I hadn't thought of myself as depressed - I had Bella back and I had believed that was all I needed. I was learning quickly that while Bella was key to my happiness, she wasn't the only key. I needed my family too.

"I'm working through it," I told Carlisle. "Bella and I are working on things, taking it slow. I have to earn her trust back and that takes time."

Carlisle waited patiently for me to continue, his hands tented in front of him again.

"I apologized to Esme this morning while you were at Bella's," I continued.

"Yes, she said you came out and kept her company in the garden this morning."

I watched Carlisle's thoughts recall the happy smile on Esme's face as she had told him she and I had talked. She didn't give him a word by word replay but she had let him know I had came to her. The smile on her face made me smile. It felt good to see my mom happy again.

"She lost one son all those years ago," I reminded Carlisle. "She should have never lost another one, even if it were briefly."

Emotions I couldn't place flickered across Carlisle's face. Even though he hadn't been a part of Esme's life when she'd lost her child, he still felt that loss, a testament to his love for her. I could see in his thoughts how much it had pained him to watch Esme suffer in my absence.

"Rosalie and I are on our usual terms of speaking when necessary. Emmett and I are okay too. But I need Alice and Jasper to complete the puzzle." I looked him in the eyes. "And I need my dad."

"Son…," Carlisle reached across the table and put his hand over mine, an unusual display of emotion from the leader of our family.

"I'm sorry dad," the words exploded from my mouth. "I take responsibility for what I've done and what I've put this family through. I asked you to give up your lives here for purely selfish reasons. Then I made you suffer through my absence, worry about me and hope I would end up okay. Even after I returned I kept this family in an uproar. I'm sorry for my actions Carlisle and I hope you can eventually forgive me."

Carlisle patted my hand before removing his.

"I've already forgiven you Edward. I understand why you did the things you did. I don't approve mind you and frankly, I was angry at first, but after hours upon hours of pondering on the subject, I came to understand your actions. I can forgive you but I ask that you learn from your mistakes. And that you understand that you must earn my trust back as well Bella's."

"Thank you," I said quietly. "I have learned from my mistakes and I will continue to learn from them in days to come. One of the things I've learned is how fragile trust is - and how precious it is."

Carlisle nodded.

"Trust is indeed a fragile and precious thing that once lost can be nearly impossible to restore. However, if the parties in question are willing to work on it then that trust can be regained. Hopefully, you won't let it go again anytime in the next century or so."

I shook my head vigorously.

"Never again," I promised.

"I believe that," Carlisle said. He extended his hand. I shook it. "Welcome home son."

The smile that graced my face was so big it hurt.

"Thanks dad," I said, releasing his hand.

"Will you be spending the evening at Bella's?" he asked, reaching for his paperwork.

"Yes. I told her I would be there and it's essential that I go."

He opened a desk drawer, reached in and took out two sets of keys.

"Here are your Volvo keys," he tossed them to me. I snatched them, loving the way the cold metal felt in my hand. I had even missed my Volvo. "And here," he tossed me another set, "are the keys to your Aston Martin. Neither have been driven in your absence."

"Thank you." I pocketed my keys and started to stand but thought better of it.

"Carlisle?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you for some advice?"

"Of course."

I took a deep breath.

"How do I talk to Jasper? And Charlie? Alice and Renee I think I can deal with. Alice is, well, Alice. And Renee isn't as complex as most people. She has accepted how much I love Bella from day one. But Jasper and Charlie… Jasper blames himself and I said some horrible things to him. Charlie… He hates me. Trust me on that one."

"Charlie does not like you right now," Carlisle agreed. "It will take more than 'I'm sorry I hurt your daughter' to appease him. Frankly Edward, he will likely always look at you as the boy who broke his daughter's heart."

I squirmed in my chair as Carlisle confirmed my worst fears.

"You can only hope that with time, he will see that you love his daughter and only want what's best for her. But that does not mean you can forgo an apology."

I nodded in understanding.

"I had a bit of confrontation with him earlier," I confessed. "It wasn't pretty."

"May I suggest using your mind reading to find him at his most relaxed before you attempt another apology?"

I gave a half smile.

"I've already made that an necessary precursor to our next conversation." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "It's much more difficult with us being what we are though," I admitted. "We've woven a tangle of lies and keeping it all straight, keeping someone so close yet so far from the situation in the dark - it isn't the easiest thing in the world." I found myself wondering about how we would continue to hide our secret as time wore on and Charlie realized I didn't age.

"No, it's not," Carlisle agreed. "Such is the life we have been strapped with." I nodded my agreement.

"What about Jasper though? I keep putting him off because I know it's going to be a difficult conversation. I need to find my backbone though and sit down with him. I just don't know where to begin."

Carlisle thought about my question for a few moments. I listened in as he ran through conversations he had had with Jasper in the last several months, looking for any clue I could find that would help me get through to him.

"Jasper feels immensely guilty - this you know," Carlisle said. I nodded once in confirmation. "He blames himself for what happened to Bella, for your leaving, for how miserable our family was without you. You have also said some hurtful things to him while arguing.

"And, as you also know, Jasper feels everything on a much grander scale. He will also feel your emotions when you two speak so do your best to remain calm. I can't tell you what to say or what he needs to hear. Just be honest with him. He is your brother."

I nodded. He was my brother. It was time both of us remembered that. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I stood, preparing to return to Bella, thinking about the conversations I would have tomorrow.

"Thank you Carlisle," I said again. "For everything - taking care of the family in my absence, taking care of me after the attack, our talk just now, the advice..."

"You're my son," Carlisle said simply.

I started to leave the office .

"Edward?" he called. I stopped and turned around.

"Yes?"

"Let me see that arm." I smiled and walked over to his desk, remembering what Alice had told me. I waited patiently while he examined me.

"Well son, we can go ahead and take this sling off. Your arm is going to be a little stiff at first. Stretch it some, don't overuse it right away." Carlisle undid the straps holding my arm in place and pulled the contraption away.

Instantly, my arm fell to my side. I winced a bit as I tried to flex it. Carlisle was wrong - it was more than a little stiff, especially in my shoulder where it had been removed from my body.

"Just keep working it," Carlisle ordered. "Not too much mind you but enough to get it to start loosening up."

"Got it," I said. "Thanks again." Carlisle clapped my shoulder and returned to his desk chair. I left his office and headed down the stairs, meeting Esme on her way up them.

"Going to Bella's?" she asked, a knowing smirk on her face.

"Yeah," I grinned, feeling the impact of being able to say, yes, I was going to my Bella. Esme reached to hug me.

"Goodnight then," she said. "Be careful on the way to Bella's. And where is your sling?" My mom's worrying made me smile even more.

"Carlisle removed it," I told her. "It's a little stiff but it feels good to have two free arms again."

"The better to hug Bella with," Esme stated, still smirking. I just laughed and finished descending the stairs.

"Mom?" I called.

"Yes?" she stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Goodnight."

Esme beamed at me.

"Give my love to Bella." I nodded and made for the front door.

"Give Bella my love too!" called Emmett.

"Oh shut up Emmett!" came Rosalie's voice.

I laughed as I left the house, feeling more euphoric then I had in a long time. My family was slowly coming back together again. I was truly home now.

I sprinted to Bella's house, enjoying the wind on my face. It was the first time I had ran for pleasure since the night before Bella's birthday when all had been right in my world.

I made it to Bella's in what had to be record time, even for me. I paused long enough to listen for Charlie. He was snoring. The soft thud of Bella's heartbeat reached my ears. I made quick work of the tree and quietly made my way into Bella's bedroom through her window.

"Edward?" her soft voice broke through the darkness.

"Bella," I breathed her name like a prayer. I found her in the darkness, wrapped up in her quilt. I laid down beside her and pulled her into both arms.

"Bella," I said again, burying my face in her hair.

"Edward," she replied. She snuggled closer to me. I ran my hand through her hair.

"Edward!" she sprung upright in bed, startling me.

"What?" I asked, feeling panicked. What had I done now?

"You arm isn't in it's sling! Edward, you need to…" I shut her up by placing a finger to her lips.

"Carlisle took it off," I told her. "He checked it over before I left his office just now and removed it. My arm's a little stiff but nothing I can't work through."

She smiled at me and reached out, running her hand from my shoulder to my hand. She left a trail of flames where her fingers grazed.

"Come here," I said with a smile. I held my arms out to her. "I need to have you in my arms properly." She moved across the bed so quickly I would have thought her a vampire had I not known better. She crushed herself against me and I pulled her even closer.

"I love you," I murmured.

"I love you too," she replied. "So much."

I laid us down on her bed, smoothing her hair and breathing her in. I needed to tuck her blanket around her, protect her warm body from my cold one. But I had all night to do that. Right now, I needed to hold Bella.

"Esme sends her love," I whispered. "Emmett too."

"Tell them I love them too," she whispered, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Sleep my Bella." I started humming her lullaby, making a mental note to reveal the hiding place of the photos and CD I had seemingly taken. I felt her smile against my chest and soon, she was asleep. I kissed her hair as she slept, my mind wandering for the first time to something other than the problems I'd caused: Bella's Quileute friends.


	28. Saint

**Sorry for the delay! I'm Greek (sorority-affiliated in this sense) at a very Greek school in the south and springtime means LOTS of philanthropy events. Emphasis on the LOTS part. One of the events was something I organized and I promise you that if I see another pancake ever again it will be too soon. But thank you for all of your comments and reviews! I love reading them all and they always make me smile!**

**I've been working on this update for quite a while now. I couldn't get it the way I wanted. I wanted it to be a heartfelt tearjerker between brother and sister and yet it never quite came out that way. Just when I was considering scrapping the entire thing and starting over, I realized that this is more like Alice and Edward - she calls him out, he argues before admitting she's right. Between Alice's future insight and Edward's mind reading ability, the two of them have a bond a lot different then the bonds between the rest of the characters. I think this shows that but I'd love to hear what YOU think of it as it's your opinion that matters!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. I'm merely a fan that watches the Twilight DVD far too much. **

**Alice's POV**

I smirked at the image flashing before my eyes of Edward sitting on our front porch, playing a game of Go Fish with Emmett after swearing he wouldn't cheat. Of course, Edward was still cheating, just going about it in a way that Emmett would never suspect by asking for a card he knew Emmett didn't have every once in a while.

What made me smirk though was the anxiety masked behind Edward's relaxed expression. He was putting on a good show for Emmett but I knew he anxiously awaiting my arrival home having spent the day working on an eloquent speech in his head that he would promptly forget the moment I stood in front of him.

Instead of going home though, I was following Bella - albeit slowly - to her house. I had decided last night to return to Forks High School today and Esme had accompanied me to school that morning to reenroll me. Edward claimed he didn't know when he was returning, if at all, but I saw him in school by the end of the week. I cringed a bit as I remembered the vision from last night. It wasn't going to be an easy task for him.

After what felt like forever, I stopped Jasper's Audi behind Bella's truck.

"You know," I stated, waiting for her by her truck door, "turtles can walk faster than your truck."

"My truck gets me where I'm going at a safe, rational speed," Bella retorted. I rolled my eyes and blamed her lack of a need for speed on being a cop's daughter.

"Can I help you with the lasagna your going to make for dinner?" I asked, linking arms with Bella as we walked to the house. Her warm arm mixed with my cold one made my dead heart skip with happiness. I had desperately missed my best friend.

"Sure," she answered, a smile tugging at her lips. I grinned too. She saw my abilities as amusing which I, in turn, found amusing. Bella dropped her bag in a kitchen chair. I stood aside and let her pull things from the refrigerator and cabinets, awaiting instruction.

"Um, if you really want to help - and you don't have to - take that big pot there and fill it not quite halfway with water," Bella directed. I eagerly did as I was told.

"You know, I don't get a lot of chances to do real human things," I said casually. "I can't remember the last time I cooked."

"Alice, you do 'real human things' all the time," Bella replied, a jar of sauce in one hand, a package of frozen hamburger in the other. I reached over and took the sauce from her hand. Otherwise, in about 7 seconds, she was going to drop it and tomato sauce would splatter across the kitchen.

"Was I going to drop that?" she asked suspiciously, setting to work on defrosting the burger. I put the pot on the stove and turned it on.

"Yes," I answered. "I figured I'd save you the trouble of cleaning tomato sauce from cabinets for the next half hour."

"Thanks," she replied.

I busied myself with watching the water boil, waiting for Bella to ask the question she was working up the courage to say out loud. I refrained from prompting her which was easier said than done.

"Alice?" she finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?" she hesitated.

"Anything," I assured her.

"Do you… Do you still see… I mean…"

She was fumbling to put her thoughts into words. I understood. Her question was hard and the answer bore a lot of weight.

"Do I still see you becoming - like us?" I asked gently. She bit her lip, looked down at the ground and nodded. I cracked a half smile.

"That is one vision that never changed," I confessed to her. "You know my visions are subjective, that decisions affect the outcome. The decision for you to be one of us has always remained steady."

She looked up at me then. I could see her confusion written plainly across her face.

"But if Edward…"

"He was always coming back Bella," I told her matter-of-factly. "Too many times he made the decision to return to you, sometimes going as far as gathering his things and starting towards the nearest airport before managing to convince himself to stay away. Those were the worst days for him. The day he admitted to us that he was thinking of going to Volterra hold nothing to the pain he felt on the days he was almost reunited with you."

I watched Bella try to digest what I had just told her. It was something I hadn't revealed to anyone else. It was something kept between Edward and I. It was Edward at his very lowest and while the family had thought they'd seen him down, I had been the one who had saw him out. It wasn't something easily forgotten though recent events had pushed it further back in my memory.

"I'm scared Alice," Bella confessed.

The water boiled but I ignored it.

"Of what?" I asked tentatively.

"Of losing it all again," she admitted. I saw tears forming in her eyes. I rushed to hug her.

"Bella, you're stuck with us," I informed her. "Whether you like it or not. 200 years from now, you'll be thinking up ways to get away from us." That got her to laugh a little.

"When?" she asked. She held her breath while she waited for an answer.

"I'm not sure," I confessed. "I know it's soon - soon as in the next few years. In my visions, you don't look much different than you do right now. It won't be tomorrow but it won't be a decade from now either."

She nodded, appeased it seemed.

"How's Jasper?" she asked. She passed me a box of noodles to add to the water.

"He's - better. Getting him out of the house for a few days helped. He needed to get away from the emotions, clear his head. Edward is in a better frame of mind now as is the rest of the family so it's easier for him to be home."

"I can only image how intense this has been for him, to feel the emotions from the family so strongly," Bella stated.

"Me either," I answered honestly. "I mean, I was there, offering him all the support I could, but I couldn't help him. I hate not being able to help people."

It was the truth too. I hated not being able to help Bella while she was hurting. I hated not being able to comfort Edward when his world shattered around him. I hated not having the right words or the right gesture to get through to Jasper. I hated watching my family falling apart around me and not being able to do anything for them.

"Things can only get better," Bella mentioned. I snorted.

"When did you become an optimist?" I asked her, only half joking.

"I have no idea," Bella mumbled. I chuckled under my breath before appraising her outfit.

"We're going shopping this weekend," I announced. Bella's eyes grew wide.

"No. No Alice, we are not…" I held up my hand to silence her.

"We are," I informed her. "Us, Esme and Rosalie. We need girl bonding time in light of everything that's happened recently." Bella opened her mouth to protest. I pulled out my trump card.

"Esme especially would love to spend the time with you. She didn't just lose her son, she lost her daughter too." Bella shut her mouth and the decision was made. We would be spending all of Saturday shopping - much to her dismay. She was going to have more fun then she thought she was though.

"Bells?" Charlie called. I heard him hanging up his gun belt in the hallway.

"In here!" Bella called. Charlie appeared in the doorway.

"Hi Charlie!" I greeted, spinning to look at him.

"Hi Alice," he replied, his mouth twitching up into a smile. "You staying for dinner?"

"No," I answered. "I promised Esme I'd be home in time to eat with the family. She's big on family time right now after everything that happened with my brother." It wasn't exactly a lie - Esme was definitely plotting ways to have us together as a family more often. She just hadn't put any of them into practice yet and they wouldn't involve dinner, save for food for Bella.

Charlie tried to hide the grimace on his face at the mention of Edward. Bella noticed and narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Dinner's not ready yet," she told him. "It'll be about 30 more minutes."

"Gives me enough time to call Billy…" With that, Charlie disappeared and moments later, we could hear his end of his conversation with Billy Black.

"I really should be going," I admitted. "Edward's been waiting on me all day." Bella raised an eyebrow.

"He wants to talk," I clarified. Bella nodded.

"Good luck," she said. I smiled and reached for a hug.

"We'll be fine," I told her. "Wear those dark washed jeans I complimented you on last week and that blue sweater Edward likes so much to school tomorrow."

She rolled her eyes.

"Always trying to dress me up," she muttered. I laughed and let myself out of the house. I kept to the speed limit until I was safely out of view of Charlie's house and neighbors before putting the Audi through it's paces. I'd have to thank Rosalie for her under the hood work on it.

Edward was still sitting on the front porch steps when our house came into view. They had abandoned Go Fish and were now engaged in some sort of epic battle on their Nintendo DSs. I was glad Jasper preferred model making over video games. Emmett was an outright addict and Edward, despite his protests, liked them almost as much.

_Still want to talk? _I thought. Edward looked up from his handheld and caught my eye through the car's windshield. He nodded.

_Meet me in the garden in ten minutes. _

I parked, went inside to say hello to Jasper and was waiting on my favorite bench in the garden when Edward came out the backdoor. He looked uncomfortable.

"I'm not going to attack," I stated. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"You will," he promised. "You wouldn't be Alice if you didn't."

I grinned. He was right. He sat down next to me and rested his elbows on his knees. I crossed my legs under me and waited for him to gather his thoughts.

"How's Bella?" he asked.

"She's fine. She was finishing dinner when I left her," I told him. "She got a lot of looks at school. People wanted to ask both of us of questions - 'Where have you been Bella?,' 'Are all the Cullens back?' - but no one did."

"I'm going over there after we talk," he said. I rolled my eyes. Like I didn't know that.

"So where do you want to start?" I asked, reminding Edward of why we were there. He shrugged.

"I have no idea," he admitted. "I've come to realize that I never know how to start these conversations, even though I've now had several."

He didn't know what he wanted to say but I knew what I wanted him to hear.

"I'll start," I said, sitting up straighter. He nodded for me to continue.

"You're an idiot Edward Cullen," I announced. "A complete and total idiot. You never listen. You always do what you think is right without any regards to what anyone else tries to tell you. You overprotective, irrational and a complete drama queen. You jump to conclusions, you're self-centered and you are the biggest coward I have ever known."

Edward looked stunned at my speech, a sign he wasn't reading my mind but letting this come about as it may. I was grateful for that - his abilities could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, just like I knew mine could be. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to say something.

"I deserved that," he finally said. I snorted.

"Among other things," I replied. He looked wounded.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. I could tell he was beating himself up.

"But I also think you've suffered enough," I continued. "Being away from Bella, nearly dying… You've paid the price for your actions."

"I'm still paying," he said, running a hand through his already mussed hair before dropping his elbow back to his knee. "I think I will be for a long time."

"What makes you think that?" I asked. "Everyone has forgiven you on at least some level. Every day should be better than the last one for you."

"Jasper has forgiven me on some level?" Edward retorted.

"He's relieved you're here," I informed him. "Contrary to what you may believe, that means something to him. He doesn't detest you Edward, he just doesn't know what to say to you. And you don't have a clue as to what to say to him either."

Edward didn't respond, letting me know I'd hit the nail on the head.

"No one trusts me," he said instead. "Not Bella, not Esme, Carlisle, my brothers, my sisters. I hate that Alice. I hate it with almost the same passion that I hate Victoria or James or the wolves. I did that to myself and I hate it. I hate that Bella looks surprised when she wakes up in the morning and I'm next to her. I hate that Esme feels the need to have numerous 'family gatherings' to basically prove to herself that her family is together again. I hate that Emmett is completely overjoyed by something as simple as playing Mario Kart on Nintendo DSs with me."

I listened to Edward's rant.

"I forgot to mention earlier, you are also incredibly inpatient."

He glared at me.

"You are," I said again. "You seem to think - and don't bother arguing with me because what I'm about to say is true - that things should go back to how they were now that you've said a few 'I'm sorrys' to the people you've hurt."

"I don't think…" He argued anyways. I had tried to save him the breath once I'd seen the vision of his reaction.

"Oh Edward, shut up, please," I cut him off. If I couldn't save him his breath, I'd save me my time. "You do. You think Bella should fall back into your arms and that Esme and Carlisle should go back to letting you live your own life outside of us. It's not going to happen. Bella is still hurting and any self respecting woman is not going to throw herself back into the arms of the one who hurt her without questioning her sanity. Esme and Carlisle are going to be a little overprotective for a while, for a lack of a better turn. They're going to want to know where you are and want an idea about when you're going to be home. Esme is going to want to have family get togethers. You may as well accept those facts right now."

Edward sighed and again ran his hand through his hair. He absolutely abhorred being faced with the dirty truth.

"I hate being so out of control," he confessed.

"It's good for you," I quipped. We didn't speak for several minutes while Edward processed what I had just said. I took the opportunity to contemplate my fingernails and wondered how a shade of blue OPI polish I had seen in the drugstore yesterday would look.

"It would look ridiculous," Edward informed me.

"Like you know fashion," I retorted. I was going to buy it and paint my nails blue just for the hell of it now. He rolled his eyes, seeing my thoughts. Then I grinned. This was just like old times - just like before he left Bella. He too cracked a half grin.

"I missed this," he said. I nodded.

"Me too," I replied solemnly. Silence fell over us again.

"I'm sorry Alice," Edward's quite voice said. I glanced at him. He was still resting his elbows on his knees, starring intently at the grass between his feet. "I just… I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Say you're not going to put this family through anything like this again," I told him, almost demanded. He shook his head.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," he confessed. "I couldn't do this to you again. To Esme, Bella. I don't know how I'm supposed to continue for the rest of eternity, knowing I've done this."

"You have us," I reminded him. "You have Bella. That's how you're supposed to continue for the rest of eternity. All of this will fade eventually." He cracked a smile at the mention of Bella.

"You told her she's going to be one of us, didn't you?" he asked. I nodded, knowing he'd already seen the memory in my head.

"She asked. I couldn't lie to her. We've done that enough."

Edward laced his fingers together then unlaced them.

"How will it happen?" he asked.

"I don't know for sure. It will be an accident of some sort. You know Bella."

"I won't be there to protect her," he mused, more to himself than me.

"You can't protect her from everything," I said gently. "That's what got you into this mess in the first place."

"I have to be the one to change her," he said in a firmer voice. "It has to be me."

"It will be," I assured him. And it would be. I could see how it would play out. Edward would be out hunting with Emmett and Jasper when whatever Bella's accident was happened. I would see it just before it occurred and call Edward. He would rush to her side, see the damage and know there was no chance of survival. He would bring her to Carlisle before administering his first bite.

I also understood why Edward needed it to be him that changed her. After everything they had been through, it needed to be his venom mixing and eventually overtaking her blood. He needed that connection - and so did Bella.

"I missed you Alice," he said again. "I know I put a lot of pressure on you, calling and asking you to lie for me, to come up with reasons for me not to speak to the rest of the family. But when I did call, I needed you."

I reached out and squeezed his arm.

"I know."

That was all I needed to say on that subject. It was a testament to how deep our relationship ran.

"Thank you," he said. "For taking my phone calls, lying for me, going to Bella even when I told you not to. I've been a sorry excuse for a brother and a friend and you've been nothing but a saint. So thank you."

"You're my brother," I said with a shrug of my shoulder.

"I love you Alice," he said. If I could have cried, I would have. I reached to hug him.

"I love you too," I told him. He squeezed me tightly.

"What did you mean earlier when you said I was a coward?" he asked when he pulled away.

"You keep everything bottled up," I replied. "Like with Bella. You worry constantly about her. You worry that she's not getting enough sleep, enough to eat. You worry that she's going to burn herself when she makes Charlie toast or that her truck is going to break down on a deserted road somewhere. You worry about the ways our vampirism could hurt her.

"Don't get me wrong, some of that makes sense - Bella trips over her own two feet on flat ground and the fact that we're vampires can't go ignored - but you take it upon yourself to make the decisions in your relationship, to shield her from things you think may scare her or harm her. You hate that you can't hear her thoughts and yet you can still read her like an open book. Well Edward, she can't read yours either and you certainly never confess any of your fears to her."

I waited while he processed what I'd said.

"She's so fragile," he finally spoke. "I mean, she's the strongest person I know - she puts up with me for crying out loud - and yet, one false move and I could break her. And if I tell her about the darkest parts of vampirism…"

"She won't run screaming," I told him. "She's in this Edward. You need to realize that. She's half of your relationship. You get so wrapped up in keeping her safe that you forget that. Let her in sometimes."

Edward nodded. I saw a heartfelt conversation with Bella in his near future.

"I need to talk to Jasper," he said, changing the subject.

"You do," I agreed.

"I don't know what to say to him."

"You'll think of something when the time comes." He snorted.

"You're a lot of help Alice."

"Like I said earlier, I can't tell you what to say. Jasper has been hurting a lot over the last several months and not only hurting but feeling everyone else's pain too. We would have left too to give Jasper some peace if Esme could have stood it."

Edward rubbed his face, no doubt hating to be reminded of how heartbroken Esme had been.

"I'm so sorry Alice. I'm sorry - for everything."

I chuckled and playfully punched him in his upper arm.

"That's the first time you've said that the entire time we've been sitting here."

Edward grinned.

"It is, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry I didn't say I'm sorry sooner." A playful smirk tugged at his lips.

"You're an idiot."

"That's definitely not the first time you've said that since we've been out here."

"Just driving the point home," I retorted. He laughed then and I smiled too.

"Are we okay?" he asked me, his face now solemn. I nodded again.

"We are," I confirmed. Then I smiled. "Welcome home Edward."

He reached for another hug.

"Thanks again Alice."


	29. Finally Home

**I didn't think I'd ever get this out. Between final exams and projects and having to pack up to head home for the summer, I'm barely aware of what week it is. This is the final chapter – sad, I know! It was also the hardest to write since Jasper's character is so complex and I felt the need to lighten things up a bit after it's been so angsty. There's an epilogue coming either tomorrow or Monday to tie up loose ends. I know there could be a lot more said in this story – it's all going to be addressed in the epilogue – but this story isn't about those things. It's about Edward, getting his life back after he thought he'd lost it. **

**I also have a new story, Crazier, which will be posted very soon, probably tomorrow, so be on the lookout for that one. It's an all human story that's a bit more fluffy than this one but with a dose of angst as well. **

**Thank you to each and every single one of you who has been reading this and leaving comments. Please continue to let me know what you think!**

**Edward's POV**

I stood at the bottom of the stairs, starring up them. All I had to do was bend my knee and put one foot in front of the other. I could be at the top of them before a human could blink their eye. But I was frozen in place, feeling a fear that nearly rivaled what I felt when James was tracking Bella. Almost, but not quite. That was still the single most terrifying time of my existence, second only to my fear that Bella wasn't going to take me back after everything I'd put her through.

"You've been standing there for a half hour now," Esme mentioned, appearing from the direction of the kitchen with an elaborate tray of cookies in her hands.

"Yeah," I agreed, still looking up the stairs.

"He's not going to bite," she said pointedly.

"He might," I replied, completely serious. Esme shook her head.

"Go upstairs Edward. Both of you need this. I'm going to take these to the hospital as a 'thank you' to the staff for welcoming Carlisle back with open arms." With that, she disappeared. I watched her leave for a moment, considering the lengths our family went through to ensure our secret was kept. Baking cookies we couldn't eat seemed trivial but it was necessary. I turned my attention back to the task at hand.

"Go upstairs Edward," I said to myself in an effort to convince my feet to move. "Just go up the stairs and talk to him."

"They say talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity," came Emmett's voice. I looked over my shoulder to see him leaning against the door frame of the living room.

"I promise you Emmett, I'm not far from insane." He snorted.

"We all know that." I glared at him.

"If you're not going to go upstairs, come outside and throw football with me," he propositioned. I shook my head.

"Later," I promised. "I really need to do this first."

"Suit yourself," Emmett shrugged. "Rosalie!" he bellowed, heading towards the back door. I cringed at the thoughts in is head. Only Emmett could swing from football to sex that quickly.

I reached out and put my hand on the railing. I breathed a sigh of relief. That was a step in the right direction. I then concentrated on my right foot. It took a lot of convincing but it finally lifted to the bottom stair. Slowly, the left one followed. It took me ten minutes to get to the top of the stairs. That had to be some sort of vampire speed record – slowest speed across a 30 foot distance.

Standing at the top of the stairs, I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Two doors down on the left. I could do this. I shuffled my feet, hands stuffed deep in my pockets. I was thankful Alice wasn't here.

I found myself in the doorway of Jasper and Alice's bedroom after what felt like eternity but was merely seconds. Jasper was bent over his desk, piecing together yet another model, this one a World War II aircraft from the looks of it. I leaned on the frame and watched. He was deep enough in concentration not to notice me. I took the opportunity to scan his thoughts. He was completely focused on the tube of glue in one hand, the piece of a wing in the other.

"You know," I started, "you keep this up, you're going to have to start putting models in the closet. And you know what will happen if Alice has to salvage valuable closet space."

Jasper started and dropped the piece he was holding.

"Edward," he said, turning in his chair. Our eyes locked. It was the first word he had spoken to me since our argument the day I had been attacked.

"Is that a Boeing B-29 Superfortress?" I asked, taking a step into the room.

"Yeah," Jasper confirmed, turning to the model again.

"Got a minute?" I asked timidly. Jasper tapped his fingers on the desk. He was struggling with an answer, wanting to say no to avoid this conversation, knowing he needed to say yes so we could move on.

"Yeah," he finally agreed. He turned in his chair and nodded towards an armchair for me. I sat down and blew out a breath and tried to find a way to start.

"I want you to stop blaming yourself," I blurted out. "None of this has been your fault."

Jasper picked up the wing piece and turned it over and over in his hand.

"I lost control Edward," he said seriously. "If I had better control, I would have never tried to attack Bella. You would have never felt the need to leave her."

"I was going to leave her regardless Jasper," I confessed to him, recalling the conversation I had with Carlisle. My heart tightened at the thought. "I've always considered myself a danger to her. I would have left her at some point, even if you had never lost control, in what in my mind was a way to protect her. You merely gave me the reason to leave I was looking for."

Jasper snorted.

"I really hope that wasn't supposed to make me feel better," he stated.

"It's the truth," I told him calmly yet forcefully in an attempt to drive my point through his head.

"You fail to recognize that I consider Bella my sister," Jasper replied. "How would you feel if you had just attacked your sister?"

"I did, remember? I may not have physically tried to attack Alice but I damn sure wanted to. And I certainly said some horrible things to her. I know a thing or two about attacking your sister."

Jasper shook his head.

"It's different," he said. "Alice can hold her own. She can take everything you throw at her. Bella on the other hand is human and fragile. You know that better than anyone. I nearly killed my sister, Edward. That is not something I can just forgive myself for."

I considered that for a moment. I understood where he was coming from.

"I get that," I told him. "But Bella forgives you. She has told you as much. You cannot keep holding yourself accountable. I hurt her far worse than you ever did. And besides, you didn't get close enough to attack. I was the one who recklessly threw her to the ground, shattered glass and all. I was responsible for the injuries she suffered that night, not you."

I shuttered, the night of Bella's birthday playing through my head on repeat. Jasper was reliving the night as well.

"Bella forgives me but it's hard to forgive myself," Jasper told me, averting his eyes from mine.

I shook my head.

"You need to try," I told him. "Bella doesn't blame you, I don't blame you. Don't blame yourself."

Silence fell between us. Jasper traded his airplane piece for the glue, again turning it over and over in his hand. I contemplated what to say next.

"I blamed you," I stated. He looked up at me.

"While I was gone, I blamed you. Deep down, I knew it was my fault. I knew that I was suffering because of my own doing. But it was so much easier to put blame on someone else, especially someone who was so willing to accept it."

"I wish I had someone to put the blame on," Jasper replied. "But there was only me."

I rubbed my face vigorously then ran my hand through my already disheveled hair.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I told him, my voice cracking. "I'm just – I'm sorry. I can hope and pray and wish and dream about changing what's happened since September but I can't. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I can only imagine how hard it's been for you, blaming yourself, feeling everyone else's grief and worry in addition to your own. Dammit, I'm sorry!"

I stood abruptly and started pacing, surprised at how worked up I had become. Jasper sat there, his mind purposefully blank, watching me. He let me pace for several minutes before I felt a wave of calm wash over me. Within seconds, I felt at ease. I blew out a breath and sat back down, once again running my hand through my hair.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"You needed it," Jasper replied.

"I want to fix this Jasper. I want you to stop avoiding me. Honestly, I want to stop avoiding you. I don't want Alice to be in the middle anymore, torn between her husband and her brother. I don't want Bella and Esme upset because we're not speaking. We need to fix this."

Jasper nodded.

"I know," he agreed. "I want to fix this too."

"So what do we do?" I asked him. "Because I honestly have no idea." He chuckled but not out of humor.

"Me either," he admitted.

We sat in silence for a long while, each trying to figure out the next move. I was coming up empty and I could by Jasper's thoughts that he wasn't fairing much better. With everyone else, it had been easier once I started talking. But I hadn't spent months blaming them for my mistakes the way I had Jasper. While my relationship with Emmett could be mended over Rock Band battles, my relationship with Jasper was much more complex.

"Want to go hunting?" Jasper broke the silence. I looked up, stunned that he had just asked me to do something – social – with him.

"Um, yes?" I agreed. I scanned his thoughts, making sure he had no plans to attempt to retribution for my actions. He didn't. At least not at the moment.

"We won't go far," he continued, capping his glue before he stood and searched out a pair of shoes. "I know you don't want to be far from Bella."

"No," I agreed. "I hate leaving her for any length of time, but it is what it is."

We wandered down the stairs at human pace. Rosalie was coming out of the living room, magazine in hand. She stopped when she saw the two of us on the stairs together.

"Where are you two going?" she inquired, an eyebrow raised. _Since when do they speak to one another? _was the thought that ran through her mind.

"Hunting," we both answered.

"Together?" she pressed. _They'll kill each other. _

"Yes together and no, we won't kill each other," I told her. Jasper snorted. Rosalie glared at me for calling her out.

"Where's Emmett?" Jasper asked. "He can go if he wants."

"And what, I can't?" Rosalie demanded, hands on her hips.

"No – Cullen men only," Jasper replied. I fought the smirk that was threatening to break out across my face.

"'Men' being the operative word," Rosalie muttered under her breath before yelling for Emmett. We heard his heavy footsteps before we saw him.

"You bellowed?" he asked when he arrived at the landing. He looked up at us.

"You two like each other again?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. Jasper snorted.

"We're going hunting," Jasper told him. "Want to go with us?" His eyes lit up as images of the three of us hunting together, laughing and joking like we had in days gone by parading through his mind. I wasn't sure it would be that sort of hunting trip – at least not this time around.

"Yeah I do!" he said happily. "Let me go change my shoes."

With that, Emmett thundered past us on the stairs. We could hear him tossing shoes and banging around in his closet.

"You're cleaning that up!" Rosalie called up to him.

"When we get back," Emmett said, emerging from their bedroom wearing a pair of old sneakers. "Let's go boys."

Without a word exchanged, the three of us descended the stairs, went out to the garage and piled into Emmett's jeep, Emmett driving, me riding shotgun, Jasper lounging in the back seat.

"Where to?" Emmett asked, backing out.

"How about that game preserve about an hour north of here?" Jasper suggested. Emmett nodded in agreement and pointed his jeep north. I sent Bella a text message to let her know I was hunting but would be back that night.

"So when did the two of you start speaking again?" Emmett asked. He swerved around an elderly lady who gave him the finger. Her less than lady like thoughts caused me to smirk.

"That woman has your number Emmett," I told him. Jasper chuckled and instantly, a weight seemed to be lifted from my chest. I was pretty sure Jasper hadn't genuinely laughed in any capacity since Bella's birthday.

"Old prude should try pressing the gas a little harder," Emmett muttered. "Really – when did you two start speaking again?"

"Today," we both answered, both a bit ashamed that we'd let it go for so long.

"Bout time," Emmett muttered. "Jasper all solemn and moody with his models and you," he paused to throw me a look, "being you. Drove me up a damn wall."

We fell into silence while Emmett drove like a madman. I rested my head against the window, my thoughts wandering to Bella. A smile crept onto my face as I thought about how she had called my name and then reached out for me in her sleep the night before. Things still weren't perfect between us but they were better than I had ever hoped they could have been a month ago.

_It's just going to take time Edward, _came Jasper's thoughts. I tilted my head a bit to let him know I was listening. We hadn't finished our conversation earlier and there were still things left unresolved. Emmett sang along to a song on the radio, oblivious to our silent conversation.

_You're my brother. At the end of the day, that's what matters. We'll get through this. I mean, forever is a long time to be mad at someone. _

I smiled and nodded my agreement before reaching out my fist. Jasper bumped it with his and still more weight removed itself from my chest.

"What are you two planning to do to me?" Emmett asked suspiciously.

"What?" Jasper asked. I read Emmett's thoughts and rolled my eyes as he conjured up various scenarios of me and Jasper joining together to trick him in some sort of way.

"We're not planning on doing anything to you," I told him.

"At least we weren't," Jasper added, a gleam appearing in his eyes that hadn't been there in far too long. I listened in as his mind played his idea out for me. I laughed out loud. It was perfect. Emmett looked wary.

"I think I liked it better when you two didn't talk," he mumbled.

It didn't take an hour to reach our hunting grounds. Emmett flew out of the Jeep, his eyes on Jasper and I.

_He'll never know what hit him, _Jasper thought.

I looked at Emmett and smirked. He scowled.

"There will be hell to pay if you two do whatever it is you're planning on doing," Emmett warned us. Jasper and I laughed.

"Whatever you say brother," I told him, clapping him on his shoulder as I walked past him. He eyed me wearily before turning to glare at Jasper.

_Idiots, both of them. _

"I resent that," I replied to Emmett's thoughts.

"You are what you are," Emmett retorted. "Let's hunt."

We wandered into the woods a ways before the scent of a herd of deer hit us.

"Last one there has to go shopping with Alice this weekend!" Emmett called before taking off in a dead sprint, Jasper and I on his heels. I kept close put purposefully fell behind, letting Jasper and Emmett duke it out for first place. I tilted my head back a bit as I ran, enjoying the breeze on my face, the sound of my brothers' laughing and calling out insults to each other as they raced.

Emmett reached the herd of deer first but barely. He and Jasper had already took down two apiece before I brought down my first one.

"Ha!" Emmett called from his deer. "You get to spend Saturday playing dress up!"

I shrugged from my spot across the clearing from him.

"I could use some new clothes anyway," I called back, for once in my life not minding having to shop with Alice – it would give us a chance to spend some time together, not to mention occupy me while Bella was working at Newton's.

"What happened Edward? You should have blown past us," Jasper inquired.

Again, I shrugged.

"Still recovering I guess," I lied smoothly. Emmett looked concerned.

"You didn't over do it did you? Because Bella will kill us. Not to mention Esme." Jasper laughed. I didn't. Bella and Esme were quite possibly the most terrifying beings I knew. Them and maybe Carlisle on the very rare occasion he became angered.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "You though... You may want to keep one eye trained over your shoulder."

Emmett snapped his head to look over his shoulder. Jasper laughed again.

"Fair warning Em," he told him.

"I don't like this," Emmett grumbled.

We finished off our deer and cleaned up after ourselves. Emmett caught the scent of an elk and was off. Jasper and I, both having recently hunted, had had our fill and casually loped back to the Jeep to wait for Emmett.

"He's certain we've got something planned for him," I told Jasper. Jasper grinned wickedly.

"Which is the beauty of this whole situation," he replied. "We do."

We sat on the hood of Emmett's Jeep in silence for a while. I checked my watch, growing anxious to be back with Bella.

"You really hate being apart from her," Jasper stated.

I nodded.

"I was gone for so long. It doesn't seem right now to leave her, even for the briefest of periods. I'm going to re-enroll in school tomorrow, just to be with her during the day too."

"She was a wreck while you were unconscious," he told me. "She was terrified, confused, worried. But above all else, she was in love with you – even more than before you left her."

I shook my head, mostly out of wonder.

"I don't know what I did to deserve her," I told Jasper truthfully. "And I damn sure don't know what I did to deserve a second chance with her."

Jasper shrugged.

"She's your fate," he answered simply.

"Yeah," I agreed. "She is."

We were silent for yet another period of time, me pondering why exactly Bella loved me, Jasper thinking how lucky he was to have Alice, his equivalent to Bella.

"So what are you going to do about the wolves?" Jasper asked, breaking the silence yet again.

It was my turn to shrug.

"I have no idea," I told him. "The day after I got back, Carlisle and I talked in his office about – well, everything. He doesn't seem to think of the wolves as an immediate threat."

"What do you think?"

"I don't like them," I confessed, knowing Jasper would see my reasoning. "Carlisle says they protected Bella while I was gone and while I owe them that, especially Jacob Black, I don't want Bella near them. I also don't want to be the one to tell Bella she can't go near them."

"Bella would be better off keeping her distance," Jasper agreed. "Young werewolves are volatile. One of them could hurt her and never know they did it until they phase back into human form."

"I can't tell Bella that though. I made decisions for her once before and look how that ended up. I can give her the facts and all the reason she shouldn't go down to La Push but I can't stop her." The thought of Bella hanging out with a gang of wolves turned my stomach. She could argue that we were just as dangerous but we could at least control ourselves.

"Maybe Alice can talk to her," Jasper suggested.

"Maybe," I relented, not believing for a minute that anything Alice told her would make a difference.

"You know, they were there the day you got attacked," Jasper told me. I looked at him.

"What?"

He nodded.

"There were six of them. The only thing we can figure is that they were after Victoria – they had been hunting her too, right?"

I nodded.

"I didn't pay them much mind. Destroying Victoria and helping you were my concern. Apparently the clearing is a neutral area to the treaty. Carlisle managed to convince them not to fight us."

I sat in silence, wondering why Carlisle had never told me any of this. I suppose he figured it wasn't important as nothing had transpired from it.

"They wanted to fight us?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Jasper confessed. "Like I said, my attention was elsewhere. But going on what we know about the pack and their dislike for us, I'd say they at least thought about it."

Jasper was right of course. It was their nature to want to fight us. Just as it was our nature to fight them.

"Emmett's coming," I said, his thoughts reaching mine. "He's suspicious. He's been looking over his shoulder the entire time he's been out."

Jasper smirked.

We watched the spot in the woods we thought Emmett would appear from. We heard him before we saw him. He narrowed his eyes when he spotted us sitting on his jeep.

_Stay cool, _Jasper thought. I glanced his direction to show I understood. Emmett made a scene of approaching us, making a wide circle around us, his eyes never leaving Jasper and I. We relaxed on his hood, enjoying the spectacle.

Emmett came closer.

"He's going to search the jeep for tampering," I muttered to Jasper. Jasper watched in amusement. Emmett kicked each tire, tugged at the bumpers, looked under the chassis. He moved his investigation inside, looking under seats and opening the glove compartment. He even beeped the horn, causing Jasper to jump.

"Come on you two, fess up," Emmett demanded. "What did you do, what have you done or what are you planning to do?"

"Nothing," Jasper and I answered together.

"We're not going anywhere until one of you fess up," Emmett said, crossing his arms. He tried to look menacing.

"We did nothing," Jasper said seriously. Emmett glared at him before turning to me.

"Fess up if you want to get back to Bella anytime soon," he warned. I scoffed.

"Because I couldn't run back to Forks."

"What did you two do?" Emmett demanded again. His thoughts were turning angry.

"We honestly did nothing," Jasper said. "Well, we did something but we did nothing." Emmett looked confused.

"What's he talking about Edward?"

"Like Jasper said, we did nothing – but we did something."

A thought of attacking Jasper until he confessed flashed through Emmett's mind. I decided to intervene.

"You're so sure we're going to do something to you," I told him. "And you have spent the entire hunting trip waiting for it, looking over your shoulder, anticipating our attack. We truly did nothing but we did make you think we did something which is the glory in all of this."

Emmett stared at us, digesting what I'd told him.

"You're saying you did nothing but have been letting me think you did something."

Jasper and I nodded. Emmett fumed. I saw his plans a split second before he put them into place. I dove off the hood of the Jeep, pushing Jasper off the other side, just as Emmett dove forward. His weight put a giant dent in the hood.

"Rosalie is going to hang you for that," I teased. He turned to me. We squared off, Jasper ready to pounce if needed. Emmett sprang and I again dove aside. This time, he landed in the dirt, leaving an Emmett-shaped indention. He was on his feet, his attention turned to Jasper. I motioned to Jasper, letting him in on my plan.

_Got it, _he silently replied, setting his feet. I leaped into the air at the same instant Emmett did. Jasper sprang as well and he and Emmett collided in mid air, a booming sound rumbling through the trees around us. I landed on top of them and together, Jasper and I conquered Emmett, both of us holding an arm behind his back, another dent in the ground where we'd landed.

"Say uncle," Jasper demanded.

"No," Emmett roared, squirming. We weren't going to be able to hold him down for long.

"Say it," I echoed.

"No!"

"I'll tell Rosalie why you go to the drugstore so much," Jasper threatened.

"You wouldn't!" Emmett gasped.

"I would," Jasper assured him.

"Why does he go to the drugstore so much?" I asked. Both Jasper and Emmett started thinking about a pretty auburn-haired girl that worked behind the counter. It looked like Emmett had been stopping by for everything from makeup for Rosalie – like she'd wear cheap drug store shades of lipstick – to bags of candy he'd hand out to kids on the street. He had no intentions of touching, he just liked to look.

"Parents let their kids accept candy from you?" I asked. "Haven't they taught them anything about strangers?"

"I'm not a stranger," Emmett snorted. "They know I'm Dr. Cullen's kid. Now get off me!" I looked at Jasper and nodded. We released him and the three of us were on our feet instantly.

"I really liked you two better when you didn't speak," he said yet again, brushing dirt off his jacket.

"Dent in the jeep, dirt on the jacket... Rosalie is going to withhold sex for at least a month," Jasper mused, studying Emmett. Emmett growled and took off after Jasper. I laughed as the two of them sprinted off through the woods. I sent Bella a quick text to let her know I would be there as soon as I could and that I loved her before I took off after them, suddenly keen to continue playing with my brothers a little longer.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I snatched it out to read my text as I ran. It was from Bella:

_Ok. See you soon. Love you too._

I smiled as I pocketed the phone, the realization that I was truly home now hitting me hard as I joined the heap of arms and legs and fists flying that was Jasper and Emmett.


	30. Epilogue

**Here it is – the Epilogue. I think this ties up things nicely. It was rather sad to write though, even though I'm excited about my next story which will be posted soon – tomorrow at the latest. The first update is already done but I'm work with dial up Internet for the moment and yeah, the DSL line cannot be hooked back up fast enough. **

**I am so grateful for all the reviews I've gotten. Everyone has been so helpful and wonderful. I was terrified the first time I posted but I am grateful that I now feel confident with posting my work here so thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! **

**Without further ado, here it is: **

**Bella's POV**

I was marrying Edward.

I was graduating high school.

Marrying Edward.

Graduating high school.

Edward.

Graduating.

Edward.

Graduating.

Those were the only two thoughts swirling in my head as I stood in my closet, trying to figure out what to wear to graduation. I would have been okay with not going at all but that wouldn't have flown with Charlie – or Edward for that matter.

"Bells?" boomed Charlie's voice. I left the closet and walked to my door.

"Yeah dad?" I asked as I pulled it open. Charlie looked me up and down, taking in my pajamas.

"We're leaving in twenty," he warned me.

"I'll be ready," I assured him, not sure if that was actually true or not.

Charlie gazed at me for a minute. I squirmed under his gaze.

"What?" I asked.

"You're growing up," he stated. "Graduating high school, getting married..." He sounded choked up which in turn, choked me up.

"I'll always be your Bella," I told him with a small smile. "Regardless of where I am or who I'm with."

"I know Bells," Charlie said. He leaned forward and gave me a quick, uncharacteristic squeeze. I hugged him back a little tighter than was necessary. A knock on the door sounded and I had a feeling I knew who it was.

"Are you expecting Edward?" Charlie asked, his eyebrow raised. He had accepted that Edward was back in my life. Edward had come to him and, visibly terrified, a look I wasn't used to seeing on Edward, had apologized profusely. Charlie had begrudgingly accepted Edward's apology but had kept his eye on him, making sure he was treating me well. He had also giving us his blessing when we'd announced our engagement though he had voiced his concerns as well.

"No, he's going with his parents," I told Charlie. He grunted and went to answer the door. I returned to my closet, still at a loss.

"Have no fear, Alice is here!" came a voice I knew almost as well as I knew Edward's.

I chuckled. I had known it was Alice at the door – she had undoubtedly seen my wardrobe predicament and had appointed herself my personal savior. I exited my closet and sure enough, Alice was standing there, wardrobe bag in hand.

"You are a life saver," I informed her.

"I know," she said, unzipping the bag to reveal a royal blue dress. I knew without her saying that she'd picked the color with Edward in mind. I loved it.

"It's beautiful Alice, thank you," I told her, reaching for it. Alice smiled at me but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You're welcome," she said. Without another word, she started pulling my pajamas off and the dress over my head. Before I knew it, she was sitting me down in my desk chair to fix my hair and makeup. She worked in near silence, unusual for Alice. She was never quiet. I studied her as she worked. Something was off. She wasn't the upbeat Alice I knew and loved.

"What is it Alice?" I asked timidly. She finished a curl and then moved a mirror in front of my face.

"What do you think?" she asked me. I looked at my reflection. My makeup was flawless but subtle and my hair had been curled into long tendrils.

"I love it," I told her truthfully. She smiled again and again, it didn't reach her eyes. I turned in my chair.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked again, this time more forcefully. A thought crossed my mind. "Is it Edward?" I asked quickly. Animosity between the Cullens and the wolves, especially between Edward and Jacob, was at an all time high now that our engagement had been announced.

"No, Edward's fine," Alice said. She sighed heavily and played with a tube of lipstick. "I've been going back and forth on whether or not to tell you and Edward has too and well, I think I should because you're going to want the chance to say goodbye..."

"Goodbye?" I asked, completely confused. Alice swallowed hard.

"It's going to happen today," she told me softly. "In about an hour actually."

It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. I gasped.

"Alice!"

"If you don't want it Bella, you have to let us know. If you've changed your mind, if you don't want to be like us, you have to let us know now."

I shook my head.

"Of course I want to be like you," I told her, 100 percent positive. "I just – I wasn't expecting it to be so soon."

"I know," she agreed. I did the math in my head.

"It'll happen before graduation?" I asked. She nodded.

"You won't make it to the school," she told me sadly.

"What's going to happen?"

"An accident," she said. I nodded, my head full as I tried to come to terms with the clock ticking down on my humanity.

"I'm going to leave you alone," she told me. "I'll wait for you downstairs. I'm going to follow you guys."

I waited until Alice left the room before I fell to my bed. I didn't have a lot of time. Charlie wanted to leave in – I checked my watch – five minutes. Alice was right – I wanted to know this was going to happen, I wanted a chance to say goodbye. It was almost better that I didn't have a lot of time to prepare, to think too much. As if on cue, my cell phone rang.

"Hey mom," I answered after reading the caller ID.

"Bella!" came my mom's breathless voice. "I thought I was going to miss you!"

"We were just about to leave. I was just about to call you actually," I told her, committing the conversation to memory.

"I'm so proud of you Bella. I'm so sorry I can't be there. It's just not feasible for Phil and I to fly up for both graduation and your wedding."

"It's okay mom," I told her, fighting back tears. "I understand." I realized then that I would never see my mother again, hear her voice. There would be no wedding for her to attend, at least not a wedding she would be able to be a part of.

"I know you do baby," said Renee. "I'm proud of you Bella. You've done so well." Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I love you mom," I told her. "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know," she assured me. "I love you too Bella. So very much."

I heard Charlie calling for me.

"Mom, I have to go," I told her.

"Okay dear. I'll talk to you later. Congratulations Bella. I really am proud of you."

"Thanks mom," I said. "I love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up, squeezed my eyes shut and blew out a deep breathe. I opened my eyes and glanced in the mirror, sure my makeup was going to be all over my face. Alice had, of course, used water-proof makeup. I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

"You ready?" Charlie asked. Alice was perched on the kitchen counter, pretending to drink a glass of water.

"Yeah," I said. I walked up to Charlie and wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you dad," I told him. "Thank you – for absolutely everything – for letting my come live with you, for my truck, for being there for me when things weren't so good..." Charlie awkwardly hugged me back.

"I'm your dad Bella. That's what I do," he said seriously. "And I um, love you too."

I chuckled, despite the tears that were again falling down my cheeks. That was about as emotional as Charlie would ever get.

"Come on Bells, lets get you graduated," he said, releasing me. He looked over at Alice. "You coming with Bella and I?"

Alice shook her head and leaped off the counter with the grace of a gazelle.

"No, I'm following behind you," she said. She started for the door but stopped when she made it to Charlie.

"You know Charlie, you're kind of like a second father to me," she told him. Charlie looked surprised. "Thank you for that," she added. She hugged him tightly around his middle then jumped up and kissed his cheek, adding to his level of surprise. I watched her, surprised as well. I figured it was Alice's goodbye to Charlie as once I was changed, we would have to leave town.

"You're welcome," Charlie said, seeming unsure. He left the house, leaving Alice and I to follow. I blew out another deep breath before following.

Alice reached out and grabbed my hand.

"It's going to be okay Bella," she told me. She squeezed my hand. "Edward is nearby."

She gave me a reassuring smile.

************************************

**60 Years Later **

Alice's reassuring smile is the last human memory I have.

Edward had filled me in on what had happened once we'd left my house that morning. A logging truck had ran one of the only stop lights in town. It had slammed into the driver's side of Charlie's cruiser, killing him instantly. It was ironic really, the Chief of Police killed by someone breaking the law. We had been less than a mile from the high school.

The car had erupted into an inferno of flames. As promised, Edward had been nearby and had had me out of the car and back to the Cullen mansion before rescue personnel had arrived on the scene. Alice had stayed behind, playing her part of panicked witness to a tee, swearing to the rescue members that I was in the car, that they needed to help me.

It had been assumed that I had burned to ashes in the inferno. A memorial service had been held for Charlie and I in the days following. I hadn't been able to go but Edward, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme had, leaving me in the care of Emmett and Rosalie My injuries had been life-threatening when I'd been pulled from the car. Had Edward not changed me, I would have died. My neck had been broken according to Carlisle. There were numerous internal injuries.

Edward didn't leave my side during the change and the days following it. He had revealed to me weeks later how afraid he had been, how terrified he was that he had been too late. He had waged an internal debate as to whether or not changing me had been what I'd wanted, despite Alice's assurance that it was.

Finding out Charlie had died had been my undoing. I understood now why Alice had told him goodbye – she had known he wasn't going to make it. I was extremely grateful to Alice for warning me of what was to happen so I could tell him goodbye properly. Knowing 'I love you' was one of the last things I had said to both of my parents made it easier. Knowing Renee had Phil had helped too. I regretted not being able to tell him goodbye as well.

Edward had been my rock through everything, first helping me through Charlie's death and then helping me adjust to my new life. We had eventually married, a small courthouse ceremony once we'd settled in Denali after it had been deemed safe for me to leave Forks. It was all I had wanted by then – to officially be Edward's wife. Even Alice had understood my need to keep it simple though Edward had gone all out for our honeymoon, taking me to the Isle of Esme for several uninterrupted weeks of getting to know one another in the most intimate of ways.

Now, I was sitting on the beach of our newest home in Nova Scotia, lost in thoughts and memories. Edward and I were living apart from the family for now, both in need of some time alone though we kept in constant contact with them. My sensitive hearing heard the sand shuffling behind me. Strong arms encircled me as Edward sank into the sand and pulled me to his chest. He rested his chin on my shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked softly. I both shook my head no and shrugged. He tightened his grip to let me know he understood. He sighed heavily and nuzzled my neck.

"What's wrong?" I asked, able to read him as well as he could read me.

"Later," he answered. "I know this is a hard day for you."

"It's funny," I said, picking up a handful of sand and letting it sift through my fingers, "how the best day of my life and the worst day of my life happened on the same day, almost at the same time."

"I know you miss him," he told me.

"I do," I agreed. "I knew I would lose him someday but it was so soon, so unexpected. I always thought he'd still be alive and well years after I became a vampire."

Edward had heard all of this before of course but I had to say it and he understood and listened. I loved him for it.

"What's bothering you?" I asked him again.

"Now isn't the time," he said gently, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Edward," I warned. He sighed again and kissed my cheek once more.

"Alice called. She and Jasper as well as Carlisle and Esme will be visiting soon."

I raised an eyebrow.

"That's it?" I asked him. I knew it couldn't be. It was not uncommon for our family members to drop in on us or for us to go to them. He blew out a breath, confirming it wasn't.

"She let me know that Jacob Black passed away."

My breath caught in my throat. I understood now why Edward hadn't wanted to tell me that piece of news today, the anniversary of my change and Charlie's death.

"When?" I choked out.

"A few days ago," Edward said, squeezing my shoulders. "It was peaceful. He passed in his sleep."

I closed my eyes and leaned back against Edward, attempting to sort through the new set of feelings that washed over me.

******************************

I held Bella close, hoping she knew how much I loved her, that I was there for her. My one goal in my existence was to support her, make sure she was happy and loved. She always rolled her eyes when I asked her if she were happy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She assured me she was happy as long as she were with me and chided me for not knowing that. I still failed to see what she saw in me but I no longer questioned it.

I hated this day as much as I loved it. I understood too well what Bella meant by saying it was both the best and worst of her life. It was the same for me. I was overjoyed that she was now as unbreakable as myself, realizing upon her change how very much I had wanted her to be like me. But the anxiety of knowing Bella was so close to death, the race against the clock to get to her and scoop her out of the wreckage before it was too late – not to mention before anyone seen me do it – had been hell.

Despite Alice's assurances that a vampire life was what she wanted, I was not convinced until weeks later when she quite literally tackled me and made me see that she was happy to be like me. It had been traumatic for me, to sit by her side while she writhed in pain, pain I wanted so desperately to take away from her but couldn't.

Then there was the matter of Charlie. I would have given just about anything shy of Bella herself for Charlie to have survived. When Alice had seen the accident, seen his fate, I had hoped against her visions that we'd be able to save him as well but there wasn't an opportunity. He had been gone the instant the truck struck him.

"I'll never forget what Jacob did for us," I whispered to Bella. She closed her eyes and nodded in agreement. She understood.

The moment I had administered the first bit to Bella's delicate left wrist was the moment the Cullens violated the treaty with the wolves. I had been too distraught over Bella to know nor care what was going on but Carlisle had been fully aware of what was happening.

Sam had been ready to attack. It was nearly instantaneous. Carlisle had warned us that we may need to fight though I barely registered it at the time as Bella underwent the painful transformation to vampire before my very eyes.

In the end, there had not been a battle. Jacob had stepped into his alpha roll and had stopped the battle. He had reasoned that Charlie would only want Bella to be happy and that becoming a Cullen would be what made her happy. He had conveyed this to the back in a way that made them believe they were honoring Charlie's wishes – for Bella to be happy. They had reluctantly not attacked.

A few weeks after the change, Jacob had visited to make sure Bella truly was happy. It had cemented that he'd done the right thing. That had been the last time we'd seen him but we were both forever grateful to him for stopping the fight before he happened. Personally, I owed him my existence. He had saved Bella from herself when I had left her all those years ago. He was the reason we were both still here.

"I'm sorry I had to tell you this today," I told her.

"It's okay," she told me solemnly. "I would rather it be today then another day. It's almost appropriate really, to get the news today."

I nodded.

"I love you Bella," I told her.

"I love you too Edward, more than anything."

I kissed her temple and held her close.

It wasn't always pleasant, being married to Bella. We argued sometimes, slammed doors and treated each other unfairly, just like any other couple. But we loved each other. That love was the essence of our being, the reason both of us existed from day to day. She was my rock and I was hers.

We had one another for the rest of eternity and for us, that was enough.


	31. Note of Thanks

**A note of thanks: **

Hello lovely readers!

I wanted to say a big thank you to each of you that read, reviewed, favorited my story, favorited me as an author or added my story to your alerts – or any combination of all of those. It means a lot to me that so many were so into my story and since I'm terrible at replying to each individual reviews, I wanted to end this story with a personal thank you to each of you.

**There I'll Be **was my first story posted on and I was a little scared of how it would be received. Thank you so much for making me feel both welcomed and confident about posting my story. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'd like to invite all of you to read my new story, **Crazier,** which can be found through my profile. It's my first attempt at an all-human story and it was inspired by the song "Crazier" by Taylor Swift. There's a You Tube link in my profile if you'd like to hear it! In short, Edward is career-focused and doesn't take much time to smell the roses while Bella has been dealt a blow to her personal life and after living in Jacksonville for a while, has moved back to the west coast to move on with her life. A pileup on the freeway during rush hour crosses their path but they soon learn that fate has been intertwining their lives for quite some time.

And please, let me know what you think of it!

One last time, thank you so much for reading my story. I appreciate it so much!

Love,

Sarah


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